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Original poster

Social media

50 replies

Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 19:34

Hi just looking for some opinions on this please. My partner won't let me follow him on Instagram. This makes me uncomfortable as I feel like he's hiding it from me. His reason being that he doesn't want to see mine as he doesn't want to know who I am following. I've never said he can't see mine. For me I feel paranoid that I can't see his as I feel like he's hiding it from me. Ive suggested I just follow him and he doesn't have to follow me back but he will not compromise with this as he says it's just so I can check up on him. The odd occasion I have brought it up it turns into an argument. Any thoughts on how to resolve this? Would it bother you?

OP posts:
Meem321 · 20/10/2023 19:42

He's being secretive and controlling and giving you shit excuses.
What a wanker. I suspect the issue is more that he doesn't want you to see who he is following.
In short:
Yes, he is hiding it from you.
He has a guilty conscience if he says you're 'checking up on him'.
He turns discussions about it into an argument (fucking weirdo).
Yes it would bother me, and no I wouldn't still be with him.

Fireisland · 20/10/2023 19:43

I wouldn't stay in a relationship with somebody being secretive over their social media.

user21413 · 20/10/2023 20:34

I'd be done with the relationship. I couldn't be with someone who was so secretive over something so minor. How many people openly state to their partner that they are not allowed onto their social media even though other people are?

He's hiding something, or maybe he doesn't want people, or someone, to know he's in a relationship with you.

This would honestly drive me to insanity and I'd have to leave. How long have you been together? Has he always been like this?

Original poster
Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 21:24

We've been together 10yrs, married. Not always been like this, we did have each other on there originally then separated a few years ago for a short period. Have since reconciled. During the time we were apart is when he removed and even blocked me on Instagram and has refused to allow me to see it again since.

OP posts:
SofiYol · 20/10/2023 22:18

Well he’s definitely hiding something isn’t he?

Dacadactyl · 20/10/2023 22:20

There is no way this would be happening in my relationship (not that either of us have SM)

Out of interest, did you separate due to him cheating? If so, I'd leave him, the secrecy means he's up to something again.

Mamma2017 · 20/10/2023 22:27

Make a fake account (have an attractive random woman as your profile pic) and send him follow request from that account. Then you can see what he’s being so secretive about.

If you’re not comfortable doing that of course don’t but I definitely wouldn’t be happy with this. I can’t believe he’s not allowing you to see his social media he’s defo up to something, sorry x

BarelyCoping123 · 20/10/2023 22:38

This isn't really a relationship to me, if he is hiding his social media from you. He is not a real partner OP

Original poster
Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 22:40

I am left feeling like he's hiding something.

No, no cheating. Split was unrelated but I will say I do have trust issues in general when it comes to relationships.

Shamefully I have tried making an alternative account, he didn't accept the request. Ridiculous of me, but that is how much it is bothering me.

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 20/10/2023 22:40

I'd resolve it by leaving him.

If he doesn't want to share his SM I'm going to assume there's a hell of a lot more he's not sharing - and that it's not good.

His reasons for objecting are irrelevant - so what if he's not interested in your SM? That's no reason to "hide" his.

Big red flag. Don't ignore it.

BreadInCaptivity · 20/10/2023 22:45

Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 22:40

I am left feeling like he's hiding something.

No, no cheating. Split was unrelated but I will say I do have trust issues in general when it comes to relationships.

Shamefully I have tried making an alternative account, he didn't accept the request. Ridiculous of me, but that is how much it is bothering me.

Well of course you have trust issues when your in a relationship with someone whose hiding part of his life from you and doesn't want you "checking up" on him (otherwise known as being interested in his life and sharing experiences both off and online).

Traysho · 20/10/2023 22:46

I’m not being funny and may be old school but why do you need to be able to follow him on Instagram? I don’t get it to be honest. What is he going to say on there that you won’t find out at by being with him. I’ve never really understood this SM fascination.

Original poster
Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 22:47

To be honest I was expecting the responses to be telling me I'm over thinking it, it's no big deal. Now I don't really know how to approach him about it again. But clearly it is something that is playing on the back of my mind.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2023 22:48

Of course he's hiding something. He's cheating on you, one way or another. You know this so stop lying to yourself already. You should have never gotten back together.

Original poster
Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 22:54

@Traysho its the fact that he won't let me see it that is bothering me. I have no idea who he has on there and is talking to

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 20/10/2023 22:54

Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 22:47

To be honest I was expecting the responses to be telling me I'm over thinking it, it's no big deal. Now I don't really know how to approach him about it again. But clearly it is something that is playing on the back of my mind.

Why approach him again?

You've spoken to him about this many times and got the same answer.

He's not going to change when your default position is to put up with his crappy attitude and disrespect.

You can't change him - just how you CHOOSE to respond.

So go round in circles and each time you'll feel more and more insecure and a little bit "less" without any resolution or kick him to the curb and expend your time and energy on someone worth it - namely you.

Mari9999 · 20/10/2023 22:59

@Sunflowerray
I couldn't be with an adult who thought that social media mattered enough to insist on seeing or accessing a social media account. That too me smacks of teenage behavior.

OP, exactly what do you think that you are missing. Maybe he just wants something that belongs only to him. I can't think of anything about social media that makes it worth an argument.

Original poster
Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 22:59

@BreadInCaptivity i do understand what you're saying and see your point. But it would feel like a very petty reason to leave a marriage, we have a child also.
If this was someone I was just dating I would absolutely walk away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 23:01

@Mari9999 I suppose it is down to my insecurities.

OP posts:
Juliennehen · 20/10/2023 23:02

My ex was messaging people on SM in 2016, we were 4yrs in. Then another 5yrs down the line after working through that, he gets caught again. I found out later he had Snapchat which he never added me on, prob up to more stuff on there. SM enables snakes and this is 🚩

Sorry, the fact that you're asking is also a sign you don't feel comfortable with this

Juliennehen · 20/10/2023 23:03

We didn't have a child in 2016 but did 5yrs later, just to add.

PlipPlopChoo · 20/10/2023 23:09

He sounds like a little child.

Please do yourself a favour and get rid.

Original poster
Sunflowerray · 20/10/2023 23:14

Clearly people have very different views when it comes to social media as the responses are somewhat conflicting.
I have no evidence that he is cheating, it is simply that fact he will not let me follow him and therefore I don't know who he has on there and that is making me very uncomfortable with situation.
I just cannot imagine if it were the other way around, doing the same to him if he were that uncomfortable with it. I feel I would to put his mind at rest.

OP posts:
Traysho · 20/10/2023 23:16

It is a petty reason to leave a marriage to be honest.

Sounds bonkers to me.

Boozlebammed · 20/10/2023 23:16

He's as good as told you he's cheating in one way or another. If he added you now it's likely he has a second account somewhere else. Staying isn't best for your DC, as further down the line you'll find more evidence of his cheating and it will all blow up.