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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband talking non stop

38 replies

Dreamingofhazelnuts · 20/10/2023 18:55

Hello everyone,

I'm new so I don't know all (or any) of the abbreviations. I'm just needing some advice.

I have been married for nearly ten years. My husband was my best friend before we got together. We have a four year old and we are not in a romantic phase of our marriage right now. I am self employed and work from home. For the past two days (as happens all the time), my husband has been off work and I've been working. He has spent almost the entire day with me, talking non stop. He talks all the time - it's like every thought that goes through his head comes out of his mouth when he's with me. He doesn't do it with anyone else. I barely respond when he starts his monologues but the last two days I kept saying "why do you think I would want to know that?". He just smiles and carries on.

When we went to fetch our son, I said to him "I wonder how many words you have said in the time we've been waiting for him to come out - probably in the tens of thousands". He just smiled but didn't skip a beat, he kept on talking.

He will say the exact same thing four or five different ways before moving onto the next topic. When he left for work this evening I started having a panic attack and could barely stay in the room with our son. My husband is draining the life out of me. I cannot bare the thought of going through another day of listening to him talk and talk and talk.

How do I make him understand without him feeling hurt or rejected that especially when I am working, I can't have this. I make unnecessary mistakes because I'm getting so annoyed and frustrated with the talking. I love my job and love the time to myself (I'm a creative).

I know this was long so thanks for reading 🌰🌰

OP posts:
hopeishere · 20/10/2023 18:59

So has he always been a talker and you've never noticed or is it a new thing?

DH can bore on occasionally. I filter it out.

isthisright2020 · 20/10/2023 19:03

I think if it's come to the point where you can't stand the sound of your other half's voice it's time to reassess your position in the relationship. Small talk is the glue that holds communication in relationships together. One doesn't necessarily always have something important to say to talk to their partner. When you are working I get, however, you lost me when you said even in a parking lot waiting for your child he should put a sock in it! Eeeeeek! Confused

Couchpotato3 · 20/10/2023 19:07

You need to get some boundaries in place, and fast. His constant jabbering is interfering with your work so that's the first one to tackle, surely? Just tell him straight that you can't cope with him constantly talking at you while you are working. Shut the door of the room you are working in and tell him you are not to be disturbed. Noise-cancelling earphones if he carries on (and consider LTB).

AhBiscuits · 20/10/2023 19:07

Can you tell him you need quiet to concentrate on your work, take your laptop to another room and close the door?

Original poster
Dreamingofhazelnuts · 20/10/2023 19:11

@isthisright2020

lol I should have been more clear - he had been talking all day when we went to pick up our son. When we haven't seen each other or he's been busy, then it doesn't bug me at all - but when it's 2 full days non stop in a row it's a bit much.

OP posts:
OliveToboogie · 20/10/2023 19:11

Tell him you are at work. It is totally ridiculous him chatting to you when you are working. If you were on a checkout he would not stand all day beside you and chat. Get him told .

NoTeaNoShade · 20/10/2023 19:13

I've got noise cancelling headphones that give me a bit of respite.

I'd ask for some time alone so you don't feel as if you're going mad. Good luck.

Original poster
Dreamingofhazelnuts · 20/10/2023 19:13

@AhBiscuits the problem is I have a small business that supplies food stuffs so he comes into my kitchen and I guess cause I am moving around etc, he doesn't see that as needing as much concentration but it does. When I start messing up he will usually leave but lately he just wants to chat all the time. I do love talking to him but when it's a 2 way street not just me listening to him for hours on end 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
loseweightpleasegod · 20/10/2023 19:16

Just be honest and say you need to concentrate on your work so no talking.

HaroldMeaker · 20/10/2023 19:23

Omfg you poor love.

This evening, or whenever you are together and not working, say ‘ darling for the love of all that is holy, during my work day can you, please, leave me the fuck alone to get on.’
Then it can come as no surprise when his endless monologue starts up that you shoo him, without mercy, from your workspace.

AllSoComplicated · 20/10/2023 19:23

Is it possible that he is talking more and repeating because you are not responding?

I think you need a check in with each other on how you're feeling. One technique is to take it in turns. You say how you feel and he is not to interrupt or say anything. Then he responds and likewise you don't interrupt.. there's also that counselling thing of repeating what you hear back to your partner.

You sound like you do love him but you need your own headspace. I understand. I live with my Autistic child who LOVES to talk. But I can say to him without hurting his feelings, right Mummy needs her own brain back now ..it's full! Probably easier than a husband,.I grant you!

AllSoComplicated · 20/10/2023 19:26

HaroldMeaker · 20/10/2023 19:23

Omfg you poor love.

This evening, or whenever you are together and not working, say ‘ darling for the love of all that is holy, during my work day can you, please, leave me the fuck alone to get on.’
Then it can come as no surprise when his endless monologue starts up that you shoo him, without mercy, from your workspace.

Or do this! 😆😆

RandomMess · 20/10/2023 19:28

Shit the kitchen door and tell him you are working and not to disturb you.

HaroldMeaker · 20/10/2023 19:29

I’ve got an idea. Get a full size cut out of yourself made. You with a head tilt looking mildly interested. Plant it in the living room (or the bottom of the garden) and point him towards that for eight hours.

If you start feeling sorry for your cut out figure of yourself put earphones on it.

RandomMess · 20/10/2023 19:29

Grrrrr I corrected that to shut twice!!

Therealjudgejudy · 20/10/2023 19:34

This would drive me to drink.

Tell him that he is ruining your work days

HaroldMeaker · 20/10/2023 19:35

RandomMess · 20/10/2023 19:28

Shit the kitchen door and tell him you are working and not to disturb you.

Or do a shit on the threshold of your work area to put him off?

WhatNoRaisins · 20/10/2023 19:40

You should feel able to tell him that his behaviour caused you to have a panic attack. It must be bad if it's having that sort of effect on you and a decent person would be bothered that they were making someone so unwell with their behaviour. It's not something that a normal person would laugh off

Octonaut4Life · 20/10/2023 19:41

It sounds like you've made little comments that he could take as you joking but it's not clear that you've actually sat him down and explained that this is a problem for you which I think you need to do and make it clear that during working hours when you're concentrating he can't be coming in to chat constantly.

Dery · 20/10/2023 19:47

What @Octonaut4Life said: have you actually asked him not to chat to you when you’re working or have you just dropped hints? It’s not clear that you have. Your comments sound a bit cruel in all honesty. He shouldn’t need telling but it looks like he needs it spelt out.

FunCatSunPat · 20/10/2023 19:53

I'm the talkative one in my marriage. My husband also WFH and is very introverted, so once he's been distracted from whatever he's working on it's really difficult for him to refocus. If I start chatting about inconsequential things during the workday he just says "Can we chat this evening? I don't have the headspace for it right now." But tbh I know him well enough to know that he feels a bit ambushed by lots of small talk or stream of consciousness type chat, so I've learned to be clear and succinct with him. So I'm curious to know a) why you can't just tell your husband clearly but politely to stop talking and b) why he doesn't already know you well enough to know that this would bother you?

bonzaitree · 20/10/2023 19:55

Why are you being so nice.

Tell him to shut up and go and find something to do.

loveandthunder · 20/10/2023 19:56

Probable ADHD

EveSix · 20/10/2023 19:59

Super interesting. DP and I are really boundaried around not crashing in on each other's head space, and definitely try to 'read the room' before launching into chat. I'm often in work mode during evenings and weekends (teacher) so I need him to not assume that just because I'm 'there' I'm available. Your account of your DH gaily rabbiting on despite you clearly signalling that he's irritating you leaves me incredulous; so thick-skinned!

3luckystars · 20/10/2023 20:01

Put on headphones and say you are on a call.

I had a neighbour like that, she just couldn’t stop. I said it to her as she was driving one of my family members crazy, and she thought she was great keeping the conversation going, she just couldn’t sit in silence. I bought him headphones anyway, she still kept talking but at least he couldn’t hear her.

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