Husband talking non stop

[Dreamingofhazelnuts]

Hello everyone,

I'm new so I don't know all (or any) of the abbreviations. I'm just needing some advice.

I have been married for nearly ten years. My husband was my best friend before we got together. We have a four year old and we are not in a romantic phase of our marriage right now. I am self employed and work from home. For the past two days (as happens all the time), my husband has been off work and I've been working. He has spent almost the entire day with me, talking non stop. He talks all the time - it's like every thought that goes through his head comes out of his mouth when he's with me. He doesn't do it with anyone else. I barely respond when he starts his monologues but the last two days I kept saying "why do you think I would want to know that?". He just smiles and carries on.

When we went to fetch our son, I said to him "I wonder how many words you have said in the time we've been waiting for him to come out - probably in the tens of thousands". He just smiled but didn't skip a beat, he kept on talking.

He will say the exact same thing four or five different ways before moving onto the next topic. When he left for work this evening I started having a panic attack and could barely stay in the room with our son. My husband is draining the life out of me. I cannot bare the thought of going through another day of listening to him talk and talk and talk.

How do I make him understand without him feeling hurt or rejected that especially when I am working, I can't have this. I make unnecessary mistakes because I'm getting so annoyed and frustrated with the talking. I love my job and love the time to myself (I'm a creative).

I know this was long so thanks for reading 🌰🌰

My DH is like this, it’s like he’s narrating his thoughts. It’s not a conversation as it’s not 2-way. I completely relate to the panicked feeling, I’ve had that before.

I suspect my DH has ADHD but he’s in denial. The long monologues that go off at tangents are so bad I ask him if he can get to the point. It’s awful.

You’re not being direct enough. The things you’ve said to him he probably thinks you’re amused by him and love his funny ways rather than you feeling pissed off. You need to spell it out.

'SHIT THE KITCHEN DOOR'

😂
gonna use that instead of 'shit the bed' from now on!

Is he autistic?

I agree, it's ridiculous

In fact, I'm a bit baffled

It's not hard to say "leave me in peace to work"? Is other stuff going on? I can't understand not feeling able to say this to your partner.

Have you tried SHUT THE FUCK UP!?

@Dreamingofhazelnuts I love my DH deeply but he can be a massive windbag at times particularly if he has been working from home a lot!

He has a new job now which is better but honestly, he just needed a bit more human interaction to soak up some of the chat. I encouraged him to socialise and see friends so that I could have a break from his bloody incessant chat.

I too have a creative job and he kept accusing me of being quiet at lunchtimes when I was just trying to ponder a couple of thoughts and have a bit of down time! I'll say things like 'until XXX time, I'm working, so no need to check up on me.'

Tell him clearly and plainly: 'go away. Stop talking. I'm working and need to focus.'

Does he have any SEN?

And then talk to him about conversations eg two-way chatting. I couldn't stand living with him. No wonder you're demented.

White noise him! OH came in from a funeral yesterday full of the merry merry, was glad when he fell asleep!

This? Why wouldn't you just say this?

I dont understand why you can't be direct with him. Just be very clear. Look him in the eye, say firmly ' l am working and can't concentrate with you talking, so please close the door behind you.' If you are in an open plan area then earplugs in and ignore.

Interesting that he only does this around you. So he must have some social skills and be able to "read the room" where other people are concerned.

Talking at you when you are obviously trying to work is ridiculous. He's not going to take a hint, you will have to spell it out for him, and keep doing this until he stops.

Perhaps a sign on the door or a lock? There's a comic song by Chas and Dave with the refrain"You won't stop talking, why don't you give it a rest."You could play it to him when he start rambling on.

he wants to engage. give him allocated time when you look at him in the eyes when he talks. the other timw is work time ie silence. The other thin is he might be a little depressed. Tell him. Men usually talk less then women so he might want to be nice and actually be relieved.