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Original poster

Help! Argument with my Boyf! Am I in the wrong!

27 replies

Marnie1818 · 18/10/2023 23:50

Help! My boyfriend used to want to see me loads and now it’s a struggle to get him to see me. We both have kids and when i have my weekend off he has his kids and visa Versa so we get little time alone. He went to Italy for a lads weekend two weeks ago so I didn’t see him then and last weekend he had his kids so I only saw him on the Sunday with them. We saw each other last night and I suggested seeing each other on Saturday but today he’s told me he’s now made plans to go to a beer festival with his friends! I find it’s rude as it’s my kid weekend and he still expects me to fit in around him and it’s rude to make other plans when we had plans. When I bring it up he shouts over me, says things like we’re going around in circles, tells me to call him back when I want to see him etc and hangs up! He just barks at me! He’ll now ignore me as he’s stubborn! I don’t like how he talks to me and I feel that I’ve done nothing wrong and I’m setting a boundary by saying making plans with me and then getting a better plan and cancelling is not ok! Am I in the wrong??

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 18/10/2023 23:52

If you both aren’t on the same page, then perhaps let it go

minmooch · 18/10/2023 23:59

He's not that in to you.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 19/10/2023 00:01

He shouts over you and barks at you?! Ditch!!

CherrySocks · 19/10/2023 00:08

Don't call him and make your own plans for things to do without him.

LeefsPrings · 19/10/2023 00:14

Who does he think he is, shouting at you, and giving you the silent treatment as a punishment?

Please don't put up with him treating you like that. My advice would be to move on and find someone who is nice to you.

Beentheredonethat123 · 19/10/2023 00:19

OP you need to get out of this 'relationship' fast.

Duckingella · 19/10/2023 00:26

This relationship is already over;you don't Co habit and have no joint assets or children.

You hardly see one another anymore and are more FWB however a FWB wouldn't normally talk to you like dirt.

Be brave,send that text;then take some time for yourself before putting yourself back out there.

Mari9999 · 19/10/2023 01:34

@Marnie1818
If your boundary is that the behavior is not what you will tolerate, then it is up to you to act on your boundary. Boundaries indicate what behaviors that will cause you to take action. The ball is in your court. If you find this behavior unacceptable then you must do whatever it is that you do in such circumstances
He has no boundary that has been crossed, so there is no action that he needs to take. In his.mind, he has done nothing wrong. It is obvious that he wants someone who is available to do the fun things when he is ready to do them. He should probably not be dating someone with children.

You don't seem to be getting much satisfaction in this relationship. Maybe you need to consider ending a relationship that is causing you to cross your boundaries.

PaminaMozart · 19/10/2023 01:46

You seem to be seriously looking to continue with this extremely unsatisfactory relationship - why?

if you've never read Women Who Love Too Much, now might be a good time.

Jewelspun · 19/10/2023 01:53

'Used to see me loads' - well that's because he's setting the scene to make you fall for him so that you would sleep
With him.

Now he sees you when he feels like it, usually just for sex.

The relationship is not compatible with your needs and wants so it's time to say goodbye.

Dery · 19/10/2023 02:17

Just end it, @Marnie1818 He’s not that into you any more. That’s why he’s not that fussed about seeing you. I’ve been there - most of us have. It hurts but the sooner you end it, the sooner you will start to feel better.

Sorchamarie · 19/10/2023 04:13

Another one who thinks this relationship is really not worth trying to salvage. He's really not treating you with respect and you're only hurting yourself (and as a knock on effect, probably your kids) by sticking around for more bad treatment. Best of luck OP.

Onthemaintrunkline · 19/10/2023 04:30

You need to set your bar higher and keep it high. You are worth so much better than what this chap is handing out.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 19/10/2023 05:36

He shouts at you because you want to spend time with him? This relationship is over, no??

YireosDodeAver · 19/10/2023 05:42

Sounds like he is not that in to you. I think you are very low on his priority list and you should have the self-respect to leave him to it.

Be single for a bit. It's good not to go straight into dating but to live your life fir yourself. When you are ready to start dating again be more wary of the losers - unfortunately we have a propensity to choose arseholes when we are dazzled by false first impressions, so be careful.

Bartat · 19/10/2023 05:46

This relationship has finished

harerunner · 19/10/2023 05:48

We both have kids and when i have my weekend off he has his kids and visa Versa so we get little time alone.

With this set up, I can't see how your relationship was ever going to work, especially as he has a social life outside of this.

I've matched a few promising guys through OLD in the past where we had similar clashing schedules re kids... Once I found this out I always called it a day because I knew that however nice they were, it just couldn't work.

GreyDressOh · 19/10/2023 10:08

In situations like these surely there's some flexibility with at least one of the ex's, where one of you could skip a weekend so you are both on the same schedule?

However, do you really want to be with someone who shouts at you for wanting to see him?

Opentooffers · 19/10/2023 10:30

If he liked and respected you as much as he should, he'd make the time and be as keen to see you. He's just not that bothered, yet you are still trying to hang on.
You may well be taking this too personally, but really, it could be how he treats all women he dates who are willing, as you are, to put up with it. How you stop putting up with it is by voting with your feet and finding someone else who has more respect for you. You can't hang about trying to make someone care - you can try, but it's a waste of time.

Newestname002 · 19/10/2023 12:07

@Marnie1818

However, do you really want to be with someone who shouts at you for wanting to see him?

This is an excellent question, posed by another poster.

Value yourself better than being just an option for someone who has so little respect for you that he'll ditch you the moment something better comes along - and then shouts at you in the bargain.

You are worth more than this. 🌹

Vretz · 19/10/2023 12:39

I don't understand why you'd shout at your girlfriend for wanting to see you.

I just wouldn't bother with this.

Pumpkinpie1 · 19/10/2023 18:29

He’s not treating you well
Hes prioritising everyone and everything before you
Hes abusive
Shall I go on?
You deserve better than this man . Don’t settle

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 19/10/2023 18:43

Ignore him and see if he contacts you. Personally I wouldn't put up with it. How long have you been together?

Karwomannghia · 19/10/2023 18:45

He sounds like a waste of space but it would help if you could coordinate your child free weekends. He’d rather have a beer weekend with his mates than spend it with you and your kids.

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 19/10/2023 20:04

You've posted about him before haven't you? I can't recall the details of the post but I recognise your username.

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