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Original poster

Would a MiL cover for her son?

46 replies

Fenetre · 18/10/2023 13:20

How likely is it that a mother would cover for her married son seeing another woman? I couldn't ever imagine doing it but I'm wondering now if my own MiL has been doing that. Her and I used to get on fine and I've been married to her son for years so I can't imagine her doing it to me. I know her allegiance would be towards her son before me though.
To cut a very long story short, I find out three years ago he had been seeing someone. I never found out who it was. It wasn't anyone I would know or so I was told. It was all very cagey and closed-off and was complicated by me finding out during lockdown so I think it gave him the chance to say it had already ended. But I don't think it had ended. Lockdown had happened is all.
DH was all over the place for a while after I confronted him but he put the work in to fix our marriage. When the dust settled things seemed fine with MiL for a while. For the past few months MiL has started being off with me, having digs at me for absolutely no reason. Passive aggressive stuff. Nothing had changed as far as I knew. DH visits her every day. I've been wondering if someone else visits at the same time. Is that crazy?

OP posts:
Littlemissprosecco · 18/10/2023 13:24

I wouldn’t cover for my son! If there are problems with the relationship I’d expect him to deal with them.
Im sorry you’re going feeling this way. You need to talk to your husband about how you’re feeling.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 18/10/2023 13:32

My now ex mil did and when I found out about him seeing OW and found out she knew she replied 'Well i warned you not to marry him to begin with'. Ould cow.

Siameasy · 18/10/2023 13:33

Yes I would say likely

EvenBetta · 18/10/2023 13:41

Did you not insist on transparency from the cheater in order to try to heal what he did to the marriage? What has he done to appear trustworthy now? Have you been regularly std tested?
The mans mother is irrelevant, your bloke is demonstrably a liar and cheat.

Original poster
Fenetre · 18/10/2023 13:56

I did ask him many questions and it was often 'I don't know' or 'I can't remember'. He was distraught. It wasn't an act. At times now he's almost a shell of his previous self. He is his calmest and happiest when he it is just the two of us. He has lost confidence. It seems odd that he's like this but his mother seems to have grown in confidence, treats me worse than before. It's like she feels she's above me or something. I feel crazy thinking this but it's like he is being made to do something against his will.
I know the problem was him and not his mother but it feels now that the problem is not him but his mother if that makes sense.

OP posts:
KindLynx · 18/10/2023 13:57

My ex mil did, yes.

Original poster
Fenetre · 18/10/2023 14:00

I wasn't really expecting anyone to agree with me that it's possible for a mother to cover for her son let alone say their MiL had done it. It has at least made me feel I'm not crazy thinking this.

OP posts:
DuploTrain · 18/10/2023 14:01

Are you sure he’s actually visiting his DM everyday?
Maybe he’s not been to see her for a while (seeing someone else instead) and she’s blaming you for him not visiting?

EvenBetta · 18/10/2023 14:03

I'm sure he was distraught when he was porking his mistress 🙄
Do you not want better from life, than some cheating loser?

FayCarew · 18/10/2023 14:11

Yes. ex-'MIL' did.

Ahwhatthehell · 18/10/2023 14:13

To be honest, it sounds like IF he is visiting just his mum everyday and the affair with the OW is finished now, that he’s putting you down/bitching about you to his mum who now sees you as the source of your marital problems.

That is IF the affair is over. Either way, as they say, you have a major DH problem.

Naunet · 18/10/2023 14:16

Of course it’s possible, my disgusting excuse for a mother covers for my brother all the time. He has 3 kids by three different women that he doesn’t financially support, and when his exs have tried to get his address, she won’t give it to them (or me, because she knows I’d pass it on to them in a heart beat). This is despite fact that she struggled hugely raising us because my dad would pay as little as possible. Know its not the same, but she’s willing to screw over her own grandchildren to protect him, so I absolutely think she’d cover an affair too.

crochetmylifeaway · 18/10/2023 14:17

Yes my first MIL did. She met the other woman and spent time with her and our child. She also didn't think I needed to know that I was the other woman and he was engaged to someone else when I met him. I shouldn't have been surprised really because my ex was the result of an affair so her morals were never great.

PierceMorgansChin · 18/10/2023 14:43

Fenetre · 18/10/2023 13:56

I did ask him many questions and it was often 'I don't know' or 'I can't remember'. He was distraught. It wasn't an act. At times now he's almost a shell of his previous self. He is his calmest and happiest when he it is just the two of us. He has lost confidence. It seems odd that he's like this but his mother seems to have grown in confidence, treats me worse than before. It's like she feels she's above me or something. I feel crazy thinking this but it's like he is being made to do something against his will.
I know the problem was him and not his mother but it feels now that the problem is not him but his mother if that makes sense.

Are you for real? He is distraught, shell of himself, only happy when he's with you. Take your blinkers off and have some self respect. Other woman and your mil didn't promise to be with you for better or worse it was your scumbag husband!

RomilyH · 18/10/2023 15:52

@Fenetre

Really sorry to read this, but, YES some MIL’s will cover for their son(s)….mine did for a long time. My ex would take OW to MIL house all the time. The absolute worst thing she did was to go on holiday to the Caribbean with him AND OW.

I found out months later when he left all 3 boarding passes in a wallet with money he asked me to exchange at the bureau where I worked. I can’t repeat on here what I said to her, suffice to say I have never spoken another word to her. He was thrown out immediately. I then dug and found out his friends knew and some of our mutual friends knew….they had to go as well.

Fenetre just go with your gut feeling. When people show you who they really are - believe them the first time. Take care

OhComeOnFFS · 18/10/2023 15:54

Yes, some MILs will cover for their sons. The thing is that if he's seeing someone else then his mum has that bit of power over you, but surely she'd see less of him, too?

It's a horrible thought. There's no way I'd do that for my son. If he was so unhappy then I'd think he should leave, but I wouldn't facilitate an affair.

FeelInvisable · 18/10/2023 15:58

My grandmother did for my dad. OW was even living with her when her DH kicked her out and they stayed over at her house.

Tlolljs · 18/10/2023 16:00

Mine would have done no doubt in my mind. She thought the sun shone out of him. Her own dh my fil was such an old bastard my ex looked great compared to him.
I suspect however that yours is responding to what your dh is telling her about you.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/10/2023 16:02

He visits dear old mum everyday, does he?

Proudwomantoday · 18/10/2023 16:14

My best friend found out that her husband and his bit on the side had been going out for dinner with his parents.
How could they do that knowing that his wife and 2 babies (twins aged 1) were at home and knew nothing about the affair.
My BF is divorcing him and his parents want to play happy families.

YourMommaWasASnowblower · 18/10/2023 16:21

Mine absolutely would.
Some MILs hate women, but I would have thought if yours was that type you would have been aware of it before now. She would have always been a bit of a bitch towards you I think. I would think it would be more likely, if she is making digs at you and it’s new, it’s because either your DH is bad mouthing you on his visits to her, or he isn’t visiting his mother at all and is seeing the OW and is lying to his mother and blaming you instead saying he can’t visit because you are keeping him occupied.

Whattodowithit88 · 18/10/2023 16:26

Of course! Sometimes as a one off with a stark warning not to do it again or else. Some are happy to cover as it’s her son and he can live his life how he wants, it’s his choice. Some cover because they don’t like the wife, or the son tells his mum you’re a horrible wife behind your back and have turned her against you secretly.

Snowpatrolling · 18/10/2023 16:46

Yep, my ex MIL covered for her son cheating and being abusive towards me. Can see where her son got it from!!

McIntire · 18/10/2023 16:49

Ongoing no, if I found out I would encourage him to finish it and if he did I wouldn’t say anything.

Jewelspun · 18/10/2023 16:52

She may cover for him regardless of what he tells her.

It's entirely possible though that he has told her a pack of lies about how horrible you are and that he wants to leave but can't blah blah blah and the other woman is his only comfort as she's so nice to him!

That would explain her going off you.