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Original poster

Aibu friend and I want more

37 replies

singlemumhelp · 17/10/2023 23:37

So been friends with a guy for years, originally exchanged sexy pictures and was going to meet up but things got in the way and relationships. He has just come out f a bad relationship where she evicted him with no stuff and no money. All sudden but apparently has new bf. So got him into a mental health accommodation flat thing. Anyways I paid to add him onto my Butlins trip with me and the kids as I have been taking him
Food, taking him out to eat, we talk every day for hours. Kinda felt something was developing. At Butlins this week he has been holding my hand everywhere, cuddling upto me in bed, seemed to easily be turned on, spooning me, likes his neck being calmed with my nails, really thought something was developing with how he’s been towards my kids etc. tonight we were talking as he said to make sure I silt backhround check my new boyfriend when I get one. I feel a bit miffed as why be all nice (we haven’t had se ) if then you are talking like this

OP posts:
fairymary87 · 17/10/2023 23:53

Because he has no intention of being with you, don't be his rebound

Redrose23 · 18/10/2023 09:08

Why did she evict him? How much do you actually know about this guy, was he married?

WhereWhoWhen · 18/10/2023 09:10

You've giving far too much of yourself far too early, sorry OP.

Don't pay your hard earned money on someone who hasn't committed to you or added to your life. Why are you paying him to spend time with you?

Time for some spare I'd reckon.

Good luck

Alphyn · 18/10/2023 09:10

It sounds like you’re mothering him by providing for him at such an early stage. No doubt he enjoys the free holiday, food and physical affection but I think you need to take a step back before you get your feelings hurt - or worse, a full-blown cocklodger.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/10/2023 09:11

Nobody falls in love quicker than a man who needs somewhere to live.

Fourlegsandatail · 18/10/2023 09:14

He sounds like a cocklodger without even giving the benefit of the cock. Get rid of this freeloader.

Humidititties · 18/10/2023 10:11

Can't believe you took him on your holiday with the kids!

Summerhillsquare · 18/10/2023 10:12

Oh please let this not be real.

SmileyClare · 18/10/2023 10:16

Bad idea to take him on holiday with your children and act like a couple in front of them.

If his mental health issues are severe enough to warrant special accommodation then he’s in no position to start a relationship and take on a family.

SmileyClare · 18/10/2023 10:16

Fourlegsandatail · 18/10/2023 09:14

He sounds like a cocklodger without even giving the benefit of the cock. Get rid of this freeloader.

Sorry op but 😂

SmileyClare · 18/10/2023 10:20

I wouldn’t take his “evil ex evicting him” story at face value.

When you say “friends for years.. were going to meet up” do you mean friends on social media?

Do you actually know this man enough to invite him into your and your dc’s lives?

TheOccupier · 18/10/2023 10:21

My God, is this real?! Raise your bar.

Deathbyfluffy · 18/10/2023 10:22

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/10/2023 09:11

Nobody falls in love quicker than a man who needs somewhere to live.

This applies to women too - plenty of women jump into relationships to get a roof over their heads or an easy life sponging off other people.

GingerIsBest · 18/10/2023 10:24

So you've become his mother - looking after him, caring for him, paying for him - and now you're surprised he doesn't want to be your boyfriend? OP, I'm sorry, but you've made a mistake here. Stop financially and emotionally supporting this man.

GerbilsForever24 · 18/10/2023 10:25

Deathbyfluffy · 18/10/2023 10:22

This applies to women too - plenty of women jump into relationships to get a roof over their heads or an easy life sponging off other people.

Show quote history

what on earth does that have to do with this thread?

CreationNat1on · 18/10/2023 10:25

He is using you, why are u bringing a virtual stranger on holidays, why is he so broke and why doesn't he have anyone else to rely on.

SmileyClare · 18/10/2023 10:35

I’ve no idea why you’ve been taking him food and taking him out to eat.

He’s eligible for universal credit if he’s not fit for work- presumably that’s how he accessed assisted accommodation. Has he no pride? Accepting money and free holidays from a single mother?

Why on earth would he want to go to a holiday camp with your children and all sleep in the same chalet?

Think about what you’re doing.

MillionDollarBill · 18/10/2023 10:42

You’re sharing a bed with him on holiday with your kids? And you’re not even in a relationship? He obviously doesn’t even want to be with you if he is talking about your ‘new boyfriend.’

SmileyClare · 18/10/2023 10:53

Poor kids- looking forward to a half term holiday with their mum only for a strange man to be brought in at the last minute. Mum talking to him for hours and stroking him with her nails all holiday.

Its frankly creepy that he asked if you’d CRB check a boyfriend.

Leoliving · 18/10/2023 11:05

You invited a guy you barely know to come on your holiday weekend it’s your kids? Shame is free, please get some. Your poor children

Meeting · 18/10/2023 11:13

Why are you bringing him around your kids?

And even worse on their holiday and being very PDA in front of them. That's really not fair on them.

StrawberryWater · 18/10/2023 11:17

He sounds like a mess. Bin him off and stop bringing people like him around your kids.

Original poster
singlemumhelp · 18/10/2023 14:17

We have meet up, worked together and things before now. Originally when we first talked we had spoken about meeting up for some adult fun. But since we have spoken and meet up a lot; my kids have met him a lot, and he is introduced as a friend. We have done any PDA in front of the kids at all.

I offered him coming away to give him something tk focus his mind on and to get him out of the place for a few days. Also it's done me a favour because when it come to rides and things there is enough adults to children ratio, he carries the bags and just genuinely helps out, he has been there for a shoulder to cry on for the last few months. He is a good friend, I have perhaps maybe gained more feelings. taking him out for dinner was also for me aswell as him as when I have no kids it's the company.

I have spoken with his ex because I am arranging to collect his stuff. And she said she had fallen for someone else and is with someone else and basically admitted they both had faults and he was good to her and her kids. So I do believe that actually it's not entirely his fault. His mum lives a few hours away and does send money for food. The place he stayed has applied for his UC for him and he should get his fish payment end of the week so he is doing all the right things. He is just very upset he was left with no home and family, and also he then had to sofa surf which meant he lost his job, he is a good friend, and if I was in the position would like to think someone would help me xx

OP posts:
Original poster
singlemumhelp · 18/10/2023 14:19

It only cost me £20 to add him on, plus food but we have been doing beakfast where kids eat free per adult... so was same cost anyways as would have had to pay for one child.... same as evening meals: irs cost me w couple quid in money for the arcades x

OP posts:
LeefsPrings · 18/10/2023 14:36

There's normally only one reason that people would say something like that about doing background checks, and that's because it is at the forefront of their mind for some reason. Possibly because they know what would be found if anyone did a background check on them...

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