Aibu friend and I want more

[singlemumhelp]

So been friends with a guy for years, originally exchanged sexy pictures and was going to meet up but things got in the way and relationships. He has just come out f a bad relationship where she evicted him with no stuff and no money. All sudden but apparently has new bf. So got him into a mental health accommodation flat thing. Anyways I paid to add him onto my Butlins trip with me and the kids as I have been taking him
Food, taking him out to eat, we talk every day for hours. Kinda felt something was developing. At Butlins this week he has been holding my hand everywhere, cuddling upto me in bed, seemed to easily be turned on, spooning me, likes his neck being calmed with my nails, really thought something was developing with how he’s been towards my kids etc. tonight we were talking as he said to make sure I silt backhround check my new boyfriend when I get one. I feel a bit miffed as why be all nice (we haven’t had se ) if then you are talking like this

Yeah I find him asking if you’d background check a boyfriend really odd and off key.

What kind of mental health issues does he have that he qualifies for accommodation and mentoring?
Clearly if he requires help with daily tasks and money, he’s not partner material?

Despite you denying PDAs in front of the dc, you were clearly wrapped up in him, holding hands all the time and sleeping in the same bed.

This is confusing and unsettling for your children. You have no idea if this is going to be a LTR so it’s best not to expose your dc to him or let them form a bond.

Him having one to one time with your dc (on rides etc) is not advisable at this point.

Time to put the kids first. This farce is a Terrible example for them. Work on yourself & why the desperate need for any relationship no matter how pathetic

So he's got you collecting his things from his ex, paying for his meals yet he's still talking about when you get a boyfriend?! Thread title is misleading too, there's nothing to suggest he wants more with you

If he’s receiving his first UC payment on Friday then the decent thing is to offer to pay you back for some of the food, accommodation and your petrol expenses.

A real friend doesn’t just take.

How much food does this guy need if his mums giving him money for food as well 🤣

I still think you’re being far too trusting of this man.
An advance payment (in your account on the same day) is available as soon as you apply for UC. I’m sceptical about him having no money for weeks.

He may well be preying on your kind nature, just as he was with his previous gf (also a single mum of young children) and sponging off his elderly mum.

Hes not someone I would consider as a potential partner.

If you want “adult fun” then no judgement here but don’t involve the dc.
If he’s on strong ADs then it’s likely he has erectile issues/ lack of libido anyway.

He has used you to "mother" him through his relationship breakup.

Correction, OP has allowed herself to be used like this. Co dependency issues, saviour complex. Bin this guy off, his problems are his own, you ve helped enough and it's time to model more responsible parenting for the kids.

He wants you to be safe with other men, so he won't be your man, or your emotional support, but he's happy to accept your support when needed.

The ex took a call from you, arranging to pick his stuff and discussed the details of their break up, her falling for someone else etc?

I take it you know her really well? Was he with her when you were talking about adult fun?

If he wasn’t and you have known him years and years when he is out of relationship shops and nothings happened, then nothing is going to happen.

But he is going to carry on acting this way because look at everything you are doing for him? If he wanted to be with you or even just have sex with you, he would.

You're wasting your time, attention,emotions and money onto this person instead of your kids. His comment to check is either telling you he has a dark past or he is trying to make you trust him. I don't think this person is good to be around your children, he needs to focus on his own MH. I can't understand how you would expose your children to this man.
Do you have MH issues or learning difficulties?

Be the saviour hero for your own kids ffs not random questionable men.

This!

As he got universal credit with his ex he didn't qualify for the advance payment.

No we didn't talk about adult fun when he was with her this was before.

He is suffering with feeling low, low self esteem, anxiety issues due to being left by his why and then now this relationship break down. Because he has no job etc and was at one point suicidal
He qualified for the help xx

If you want more, you’re looking in the wrong place.

-Hes had plenty of opportunity to start something with you and hasn’t. Years in fact.

-Mentally he’s extremely fragile and requires professional support- he cannot work and requires assisted living. He’s prone to anxiety and depression.

-His anti anxiety meds have very likely caused a loss of libido and an inability to maintain arousal or orgasm. He feels no sexual attraction to you.

-He basically sees you as his mum.

You sound like a kind person but it’s unfair on your dc to take on another dependant.

I think taking him on your family holiday was a mistake- dont play at happy families like this with your dc and a man.

Once he’s in a better place, it’s likely he’ll move on from your “foster care”, leaving you hurt.

Im sorry if that all sounds blunt but protect yourself and the dc who need you