Is it actually an Irish man thing or is ex lying?!

[Littlemisslonley]

Hi all
So this is weird. My ex (he's irish) and I broke up 12 weeks ago as he was very innapropriate with a female "friend"...she would send selfies and he would reply that "you look gorgeous darling" and send love heart emojis...we broke up over the fact that she facetimed him at 1am I said he needs to back off abit from her and make firm boundaries...he didn't like that so he literally got up and left....later after we discussed some things and he said complimenting your female friends is an Irish thing we tell women they look gorgeous all the time and send love heart emojis to females it's an Irish thing....now I smell bullshit..... however I wanted to ask your opinions of this?

Also do all Irish men/women drink ALOT? Again I feel I know this answer but want your opinions

"@Wendysfriend Yes us Irish are all alcoholics, sex maniacs, we all have red hair and we say "Top of the morning" to everyone, we dress like leprechauns and we are not allowed to mix with others until we can Irish dance. I can't wait for the day when they introduce electricity and running water here. 🇮🇪 🍀🍀🍀".

Jeasus, you getting running water? Youse will be telling me next your nan has a marble slab in the larder where she puts her butter to keep it cool. Ye must be loaded!

That would be a load of bollocks OP

My Irish partner is not like that.

And no, the stereotypes aren't all that funny, there's a long racist infantilising (which is a great excuse then for colonizing) history behind it.

Erm, I was talking about the two I was in relationships with...

I've never met an Irish man who knew how to compliment a woman they are usually woeful at it and need to be taught!

This is true - the whole silver tongued charm thing is pure marketing.

@Littlemisslonley Also do all Irish men/women drink ALOT?

In my family yes, many alcoholics, but it doesn’t necessary follow that other Irish people are the same.

This isn’t an Irish thing- it’s a man thing.

I also had a foreign ex. ( not Irish) who came up with exactly the same bullshit. It’s basically gas lighting.

So to sum it up his response to his clear red flags of "I'm just Irish" are just bullshit as I knew and thought and he is just a gas lighting bastard! Who just so happens to be Irish unfortunately without the Irish accent as he has been in England some time.

I always said he crossed my boundaries with this female friend and other female to be honest his other excuse was "I don't know how to be in a real relationship" or "your boundaries are ridiclous" he's 41 with a child I'm sure he knew how to be in a relationship and yet again more gaslighting with the BS.

Lol 'your boundaries are ridiculous'

Haha yeah mate cause other women would be absolutely fine with you face timing random women at 1am 🙄 fuckwit.

You're well shot.

Most Irish men would have an allergic reaction at being so outwardly complimentary

I didn’t see anything racist? I read it as xbf pretending his heavy drinking was an Irish cultural thing, and OP not believing that. OP is saying his faults are his own, not Ireland’s!

I’m Irish this is pure bullshit and no we don’t all drink a lot

No, he's a flirt/potential cheat.

And is trying to gas light you that it's a cultural thing. It's a him thing.

Most Irish men I know don't act like him .... Unless they're big flirts and cheaters.

Drinking wise ... We have a dysfunctional culture re. drinking; but I don't think it's much worse than the general UK & Ireland dysfunctional culture.

(Or Eastern Europe for that matter, having had a Polish ex, lots of Polish acquaintances and a Slovakian acquaintance. Or lots of regions).

Back on the 'it's an Irish thing" I met a girl from my hometown (Derry/Londonderry) who was a violent, volatile alcoholic. I don't mean that lightly - she's start fights and once caused a house fire drunk that she only escaped because a house mate pulled her out of it.

She repeatedly said "it's a Derry thing" ... It is not a Derry thing to be a violent alcoholic. Derry people, like everyone, are a wide range of people.

She clearly uses the same brand of BS that he does. If say she has a personality disorder, maybe he does too.

This too.

Tbh most Irish and Northern Irish men I know are actually woefully inadequate at communication with the opposite sex, flirting, 'game" etc.

It was a very overwhelming experience to meet eg French men as a young woman and be subjected to such overt flirting, interest, and pursuit. It was the exact opposite of what I was used to, coming from NI.

Lots of Irish people do (or did) drink a lot. In the old days there was nothing else to do and there were huge numbers of pubs per head of population. Pubs were where Irish people in small towns and villages met to socialise, and alcohol was - and unfortunately remains - a major feature of big sporting events where crowds of large-bellied men gather to guffaw with pints in their hands. So it’s not racist to link drinking with Irishness. It’s just a fact - though becoming much less so.

On the other hand, Irish men tend not to give flowery compliments to women or to be particularly flirtatious compared to other cultures. Also, I’ve never heard an Irish man call a woman “darling” - so that part seems unusual.

"your boundaries are ridiclous"

He'd have no problem with you doing exactly what he was doing - with a male "friend" then??

I don't know how to be in a real relationship

If interpret that as "I don't actually want to be in a real relationship, I want one where I get what I want and also do what I want".

As PP had said it is not and Irish thing is a twatish thing.

Slightly off topic but, as a Northern Irish woman, NI and Irish accents on men make my foofoo close with the speed & violence of a Venus fly trap.

They give me the ick x 100.

When they're being smarmy - x a million.

I would pay money to never have to see James Nesbitt speaking.

How ridiculous. Why are you even asking? 😂

@GilberMarkham down this end of the island we call the NI one a knicker dropping accent.

Bleeuughh

😆

Yep along there with "I can't meet your needs in a relationship" - which means "I can't make a commitment because I thought we could have a casual thing when I haven't got anything else going on "

You are basically describing my Irish ex to an absolute tee. His female friends would send him selfies and he would message back how 'stunning' or 'gorgeous' they looked. I caught him on the phone to someone at 1 in the morning and I found out a few weeks later that he was cheating! And yes he drank A LOT.

Absolutely - an Irish compliment would usually read as being hugely insulting to non Irish people. We don't do compliments, as a whole.

But yes, another Irish poster saying throw him back!

(And it was perfectly clear that you didn't believe the racist stereotypes, so pay no heed to those getting annoyed.)