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Original poster

WWYD , give it another try or walk away?

35 replies

cherrytree23 · 15/10/2023 23:13

My ex boyfriend did drugs lied about it years ago. I took him back. Togther 3 years. No kids together but I want them. Both mid 30s.
He's living with his parents. Shit with money. So much is he's in debt.
That his mother is now helping him pay it off by managing his money . I was the one whoI used too ? He Works full time. I already given him a second chance 2 years ago when he lied, but recently I felt he was using again. I don’t fully trust him & We broke up again. He's been chasing me ever since multiple times I've told him no no I'm not going back.. and recently he told me this was my last chance to try and see if we can date eachother see what happens and give the relationship another chance.
I told him I'm 50/50 in wanting to spend some time with him to see if he's changed and see what happens I was going to give it until Xmas and other part of me telling myself I need to cut him off let it go. I don't know why I can't just let him go.
WWYD. Thanks xx 😘

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 15/10/2023 23:14

No, not at all. Into the bin with him.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 15/10/2023 23:20

No no no no no no no

Full of red flags. Who would even think about this???!

JaxiiTaxii · 15/10/2023 23:29

He can't look after himself, his Mum is giving him pocket money, he lies and does drugs and youre considering him as a potential father for your children?

If you want kids, choosing the dad is your first act as a Mum.
So choose better for them.

And then explore why you don't feel you deserve better as well.

novocaine4thesoul · 15/10/2023 23:38

It's really hard, and I am sorry, but I would move on and cut him off. Otherwise you are going to spend all the next few years trying to change someone who does not want to change enough, for himself, for you, for his mother. You have every chance to make new relationships with people that do not cause you angst and have got themselves sorted. Even if the leopard appeared to change his spots for a brief period of monitoring, they don't, in my experience change them for long. A bad relationship is far worse than no relationship, just my view. I wish you love and confidence in what you do going forward xx

LeefsPrings · 15/10/2023 23:42

recently he told me this was my last chance to try...

Your last chance to try and make the relationship work? Well that's big of him. I don't see him doing much in the way of trying.

He lies, he takes drugs, he works full time but is in debt and sponging off his mother. Not much of a prize, is he? What would I do? I'd find some hills and run in their direction.

RantyAnty · 16/10/2023 00:05

Nothing with him has changed.
He's just hoping you're daft enough to take him back so he doesn't have to live with his mum and can have a regular shag.

That's all. There's nothing deep or meaningful about these types and their motives.

Why haven't you blocked this loser yet?

Summer2424 · 16/10/2023 00:43

Hi @cherrytree23
I would let him go hun xx

Lavender14 · 16/10/2023 00:53

Absolutely not. This is YOUR last chance? No wonder he's begging you back you've been acting like his mother all these years and he's not actually had to do anything to earn his place in your life.

What is he actually bringing to the table here? He's broken your trust multiple times. Your partner is meant to be an equal team player who can have your back when you fall down. This guy doesn't sound in a position to do that.

You say you're mid 30s and you want kids. Unfortunately I think you're at the stage where you can't afford to waste time on guys who aren't stepping up and being solid, reliable, respectful and trustworthy because you will need those qualities in a co parent. If you waste any more time with this guy you'd very possibly be wasting your fertile years on him when you could be cutting him off completely and setting yourself free to meet someone who's life and goals match yours and who's actually ready to be a partner and a parent. The red flags are hanging off this guy and wasting time with him will only make you feel bad.

I'd block him on absolutely everything, delete his phone number and get out there dating. I'd also go for counselling in the meantime to try and identify why your self esteem is so low that he was able to mess you around so much and to help you move past those previous betrayals and see that you are totally and completely worthy and deserving of a loving, steady, healthy relationship. I did that after breaking up with my ex and I honestly believe it was the reason I was actually ready to meet dh and be treated really well for a change.

INeedAnotherName · 16/10/2023 00:53

Let him go.

You don't trust him. At all. No relationship can survive that.

(Plus he's a drug addict, useless with money, living off mummy, probably useless at cleaning, laundry, cooking, life admin). Why would you want a child with that??

Lotta0 · 16/10/2023 01:03

Bloody hell do you really think this is the best you can do?!? Run

Original poster
cherrytree23 · 16/10/2023 11:58

Thanks
So much for the replies and support.
We went through a few miscarriages. And we
Already have children
From
Previous relationships.
I think I've been not used to having someone there when I'm emotional, hungover and anxious x that's why I've called him

OP posts:
Londonlondon4 · 16/10/2023 12:00

Walk away while you can. Sorry to say. You have to protect your children.

LightSpeeds · 16/10/2023 12:05

LeefsPrings · 15/10/2023 23:42

recently he told me this was my last chance to try...

Your last chance to try and make the relationship work? Well that's big of him. I don't see him doing much in the way of trying.

He lies, he takes drugs, he works full time but is in debt and sponging off his mother. Not much of a prize, is he? What would I do? I'd find some hills and run in their direction.

^This is exactly what I thought.

YOUR last chance. He's a bloody booby prize!

cloudrunner · 16/10/2023 12:07

Run!

Blough · 16/10/2023 12:11

You have kids of your own and you’re debating inflicting some druggie trash on them? Come on, you need to do extensive work on yourself before going near a bloke in future, otherwise you’ll be raising your kids to think it’s normal, and acceptable to date scumbags.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 16/10/2023 12:12

Jesus why on earth are you even considering subjecting your existing kids to this shitshow never mind having more kids?

And if you're drinking to that extent with no one around to the point that this total loser seems like a supportive person to talk to, you need to stop drinking and put your kids first with that as well. They shouldn't have to deal with your hangovers or your loser addict debt-laden manchild of a will-I-won't-I boyfriend.

Get some self respect and standards for your poor kids' sake!

Lavenderosa · 16/10/2023 12:13

Oh my goodness - walk away now and don't look back! He's a nightmare and you know he is. He's a father in his mid 30s but he needs his mother to manage his money and get him out of debt. Why would you saddle yourself with this infantile loser when you'd be so much better off without him?

LifeExperience · 16/10/2023 12:17

The well being of your children is what's important. Not your loneliness or desire for a shag. He's an awful human being. Stay away!

PaminaMozart · 16/10/2023 12:25

I think I've been not used to having someone there when I'm emotional, hungover and anxious x that's why I've called him

Can you put your energy into sorting yourself out, instead of looking for a man to have more children with?

In any case, the current candidate is clearly unsuitable - surely you can see that?

If you have a problem with alcohol, have a look at Alcohol Explained by William Porter on YouTube.

Original poster
cherrytree23 · 16/10/2023 12:43

I discovered he was doing cocaine 3 times a week in his car alone in 2021 for a year.
He lied to me for a year about it. I gave him a second chance. He went to Meetings and I asked to track his bank account and whereabouts etc and since he swore blind he's been clean for two years and I can do weekly drugs tests on him
If I take him back.
Then I've suffered two more miscarriages after this too. He was there for them too.
I've never really fully trusted him again.
He let
Me recently check his bank acc and I've seen transactions to his mate who he works with £40 here £100 here a week. His mate is a big coke user and when I asked him
Why he had been transferring him money he said his mate had issues with his bank acc and he gave him the cash he transferred.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrytree23 · 16/10/2023 12:47

And I appreciate every one's opinion that's why I asked. I don't drink hardly ever. I've jus gone out a few times since
The breakup on a night out. And my children do always come first im a good mum. I've just tried to give him a second chance and I think because of
The losses I felt we were bonded and he could change indefinitely x

OP posts:
Blough · 16/10/2023 13:13

Checking a cokeheads bank account just so you can have a boyfriend is so depressing.
What strategies do you have in place to ensure your kids won't follow your example?

What work do you plan on doing on yourself to ensure you never even glance at such a shit bloke again? Self esteem/self respect/bare minimum decency standards in males are all areas that need work.

hattie43 · 16/10/2023 13:14

Nope no chance

Dotty87 · 16/10/2023 13:26

It was a hard no just reading the first line, I think you need to work on your self esteem and figure out why you're setting your bar so low.

DatingDinosaur · 16/10/2023 17:17

“I need to cut him off let it go”

Yes OP. You need to do this. He hasn’t changed. Doesn’t sound like he’ll ever change. Deep in your heart of hearts you know this.