WWYD , give it another try or walk away?

[cherrytree23]

My ex boyfriend did drugs lied about it years ago. I took him back. Togther 3 years. No kids together but I want them. Both mid 30s.
He's living with his parents. Shit with money. So much is he's in debt.
That his mother is now helping him pay it off by managing his money . I was the one whoI used too ? He Works full time. I already given him a second chance 2 years ago when he lied, but recently I felt he was using again. I don’t fully trust him & We broke up again. He's been chasing me ever since multiple times I've told him no no I'm not going back.. and recently he told me this was my last chance to try and see if we can date eachother see what happens and give the relationship another chance.
I told him I'm 50/50 in wanting to spend some time with him to see if he's changed and see what happens I was going to give it until Xmas and other part of me telling myself I need to cut him off let it go. I don't know why I can't just let him go.
WWYD. Thanks xx 😘

He’s clearly hiding his drug use and lies all the time, why on earth do you want him to be the father of your future children?

Agree with PP. Don’t bring this person into your DC lives again. Don’t have a baby with him.

You know he was buying coke off his friend and his bank story is BS.

Maybe seek some counselling if you are anxious and emotional and hungover regularly. 💐

I mean, if you want another child, it sounds like you already have a man child right there, no need to go looking any further!

Thanks again for all your replies.
He's actually backing off now since I said I wasn't 100% in going back. I'm 50/50.

Hard no thanks. Have you sought any help for your anxiety so you're not relying on his support and considering his very un-self aware ultimatum?

People aren't going to be black and white goodies and baddies, you have to weigh up are they good or bad for you and more importantly your kids.

He doesn't sound great for you all at all: drugs, unable to manage his life etc.

Doesn't necessarily make him evil if he has been supportive but he sounds a mess and do you need to be managing someone else's mess, checking his bank account, counting how many times a week he takes cocaine etc?

Far better to concentrate on your own needs and your family.

You’re still 50/50 in considering dating a cokehead? Seriously? How is that prioritising and centring your kids? What sort of example are you demonstrating to them? Awful.

So while you've been 'broken up' for 2 years, you have had 2 miscarriages? Either seeing someone else, or not really much of a breakup is it? I suspect you mean he has been living with his mother, but still seeing you. No wonder he wants to get you pregnant, because what he really wants is to not live with his mother, and thats his way of making you change your mind.
How old are your DC's? Why choose to be a single parent to more when you should already know how hard it is, do you really want to be a single parent till your late 50's? You know what he will turn to when baby stress occurs - it won't be you!

You need to cut all contact. Block him on all platforms. You need to put your children's needs first, a druggie who is in debt it not that!

OP you should be telling him that there's no place in your life, nor the lives of your existing children, for someone like him. An addict, someone who lies so much for his own benefit, who cannot manage important aspects of his life (which is mother is currently doing). There are a many red flags here- it's so much better to get him 100% out of your lives (not 50%), get yourself some counselling help strengthen your resolve to keep him out of your lives and recognise others like him in your future, so you don't repeat the same mistake with him or someone else.

I agree with the poster who said that of course he wants to come back to you because he'll get more of what he wants from you.

Please do yourself and your children a favour and block & delete his details- it's very unlikely he's ever going to be more than he is now. 🌹

You need to be 0% going back in!

I'm so sorry for your losses, that must have been unimaginably difficult and painful.

To be very honest it sounds like the only thing that's making you feel connected to this man is that trauma that you've been through. But you do need to think of your other children and what do you think they need/ want in a step parent or someone in that type of role in their life. I'd definitely be getting yourself some more support because if the pain and grief you've been through is what's drawing you back to someone this red flaggy then it's clearly something that's still very raw and painful for you. And someone you can't trust, who's bank account you need to check incase he's doing drugs etc, is not the person you want to be handling emotions that sensitive and fragile. He might be a nice guy (I'd guess otherwise because telling you it's your last chance is him gaslighting you), but he's not going to give you what you need. Going back there repeatedly is like a form of self harm. And you've been hurt enough. It's time to block him on everything and when you get that urge to text him you text your friend instead, or ring your family, or snuggle your children or you come on here and make a post and we'll remind you that you did the right thing. And then eventually you'll realise that he took more from your life than he added to it.