Is it too early to bring up kids/moving out

[Username4930]

So I have been dating this lovely girl for 2 and a half months now, im 25 while she ia 23 but we are both very inexperienced when it comes to relationships. I've never been in a relationship or had a GF before so this is my first. I really like her and I think she is perfect for me as we both want a quiet life, We both dont smoke, We both aint party animals, We both love going for walks, we both dont use social media and on top of that I love how natural looking she is as she isnt the type of girl to wear makeup or wear revealing clothes. She would probaly be considered "plain" and she has told me in the past that girls have called her "boring" or "plain" but those are the types of girls I prefer.

Shes very bubbly and her family are quiet but lovely people, she's caring as she is always helping out her family or she will sometimes bring me round stuff like cakes or cookies that she has baked, I dont want to sound weird but she does have a lot of traits which tells me she will make a good mother figure.

I have been saving up for a mortgage for the past few years and I plan on moving out by the time im 26 which is not till june, im just getting sick of living at home and I just want to be on my own or with her. My father is a drunk who doesnt work, my brother is a waster who never helps out around the house and his GF literally lives here so at times I cant get to sleep without hearing them shag each other next door, my mother is hard working and although I work full time but I try to make life easier for her like I would clean or get shopping for her.

But I just really want to move out and start my own family, Im pretty sure my GF wants kids as it said on her dating app profile that she wants them someday but I've not asked her yet.

I'd say 2.5 months probably is too early, yes. If you can move out on your own in the meantime and she stays a lot, fine.

It's still super early days and you're really young. You need to know someone for longer than that before making a commitment like kids or moving in together. Boring but true.

Agreed but the 'kids someday?' question at this stage is fine I think. No details but just to check you're both roughly on the same page for the future, if that would be a deal-breaker for either of you, better not to waste time. I wouldn't be discussing specifics though or anything about living together as far, far too early for any of that.

@fearfuloffluff but then my brother said he asked his GF if she wanted kids after one week of seeing each other and he has been with her for about 3 months now.

All I want is to be a father and a family man, I know this is my first GF but I dont feel the need of going around dating lots of different women. I know its early days but right now I dont see any red flags and she literally has all the traits that I want in a woman.

Most women probaly would consider a man like me boring as I dont use instagram or social media, im not a party animal, Im quiet, I like going for walks, I dont see my friends that much now as they have moved on but she is the very same as me.

I guess Im more of a "traditional man" who likes the idea of providing and taking charge of a relationship. My GF always brings up how she likes that im good with my hands (im an engineer) and she said that I can do the maintanence around the house while she does the cooking. She also recently got a new job as a cleaner but said to me that she doesnt care what job she does as family is more important so she is family orientated rather than career driven but thats what I look for in a woman.

Why don't you just focus on moving out and getting settled before you freak a new girlfriend out with the picture in your head.

It's easy when you're in the first flushes of oxytocin. Just chill a bit.

It's too soon. You have loads of time to have kids and marry. You don't necessarily need to date loads of women but this relationship is way too new to tie yourself together financially. Concentrate on getting your house and if things are still going well with your gf in a few yrs, start thinking about a family/marriage etc.

I would caution you around this notion you have of "taking control". Just because a woman is career driven doesn't mean she is submissive, she is your equal and it would be a partnership. Even if she gave up work completely to be a SAHM, it would still very much be a 50/50 partnership with her input and views equally important as yourself.

Should say *isn't career driven.

I also find your views on women wearing make up/revealing clothes a bit worrying. There might be occasions when she does want to do both of those things and that's okay and that's her right. You've not known her long and people are complex. Don't box her into a "perfect" stereotype in your head. People grow and change a lot in their 20s.

Having conversations where you discuss how you see your future would be appropriate, proposing that you move in together and start trying for children imminently would be too soon, in my opinion.

Spend more time with her, go on some holidays together, enjoy each other’s company on dates, try new experiences. Move out and live on your own for awhile, perhaps she can stay overnight sometimes. Take your time and see how things progress as you probably don’t know her well enough yet.

Far far far too early.

Give it 2 years.

What does ‘taking charge of a relationship’ mean to you OP?

@Cupcakekiller "Just because a woman is career driven doesn't mean she is submissive, she is your equal and it would be a partnership. Even if she gave up work completely to be a SAHM, it would still very much be a 50/50 partnership with her input and views equally important as yourself."

Of course your 100 percent right and even if she wants to be a SAHM I know that I will still have to play my part around the house.

As for her wearing makeup/revealing clothing she told me herself that she isnt that big into makeup and only wears some for special occasions.

I have nothing against girls who wear lots of makeup, wear fake tan, get botox, want to look like something out of love island etc but I just prefer a girl like my GF for example

Is it just me? This seems off to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes @Catoo I don’t reckon it’s legit.

You are both still young. The human brain keeps developing until age 25 and people can grow and change a lot in their 20s.
You could ask her about those things, but I'd strongly consider you both date for a year or 2 before serious decisions like moving in together or getting engaged. Even if she is the one, there's no rush!

And my husband is the same, he hates loads of makeup/fake tan/long nails etc and tells me I look the most beautiful with no makeup on. I've actually heard other men say that too so it's not unusual.

If this is a real post, yes 2.5 months is absolutely too soon to bring up moving out and having kids. There’s a difference between asking the question about if ONE DAY these things interest her, and saying this is what you want RIGHT NOW. It would have been a huge red flag to me if someone said this to me after 2.5 months, it’s right up there with love bombing. You haven’t even really gotten to know each other yet after 2.5 months of dating, you haven’t got a clue yet if you’re compatible long term. Slow down, don’t rush your relationship because of your other circumstances. If you want to move out, do that, but do it alone. Then you can invite her over for a night here and there but it is YOUR house.

The post is reminiscent of a recent thread supposedly posted by someone with ASD, they also had a " plain " gf they liked walks but she had broken up with him.
Very incel vibes at the time.

OP it is way too soon to be talking about moving in together and kids.

You want to get to know each other and have lots of fun before the stress of having a baby.

Babies are one of the biggest reasons that relationships fail and so if you like this girl, then you don’t want to risk making it fail by adding a baby, until you are both very certain and have been together for at least 12 months.

I wouldn’t compare yourself to your brother and his relationship, as they don’t sound like they’ve got the best life/relationship.
You want to do better than him.

Definitely move out as soon as you can afford to.
If you can get a mortgage by yourself then that is incredible and you should be very proud.

Your gf can come and visit you and stay a couple of nights a week but she should not move in so soon.

Some people will use people for their money or for somewhere to live and you don’t want to be in a situation where you’re not happy but she has nowhere else to live.

It is important for her to get some independence and live alone too.
Does she work?
Who does she live with?

The more you rush things, the more this relationship will likely fail.

Focus on just having fun and moving in to your own home (do not move in with her for at least a year).
You have plenty of time in the future to move in together and have kids.

My husband loves my natrual look
the natural look that are my eyebrows tinted and waxed false lashes pedicure false nails and Botox and lip filler give me 😂😂

I think mine needs to go to Specsavers bless him

I know its early days but right now I dont see any red flags

Oh the irony OP. The 1950’s are calling, they want you back 🙄

Definetly get your home as planned. You and your gf can spend time together there too.

2.5m is early, so I'd suggest a few things (dh and I have been together 20 years and got together young/inexperienced too)

Take a holiday together long before you invite her to move in. A week / fortnight away together, seeing how it is to be spending 100% time together.

Pepper your conversations with general chat about how you see your future and what she sees in hers. Not in a "we should do this/our future could be x" more "having a family is important to me, I see X happening career wise" etc. But make sure these aren't the only conversations you have.

Take time together to do fun stuff. Adventures, days out, walks, visit cities etc. Encourage her to spend time with her own friends. Take time yourself to spend with your own friends.

I guess Im more of a "traditional man" who likes the idea of providing and taking charge of a relationship. My GF always brings up how she likes that im good with my hands (im an engineer) and she said that I can do the maintanence around the house while she does the cooking

It's probably a good job you've found each other, then, as every woman I know wouldn't want the household labour/power/finances to be split like this.

Am I the only person getting misogyny incel danger vibes.

I was thinking the same