Hello, I’ve been seeing someone on and off for just over a year now. He’s 42 and I’m 33. I want to have children and get married. I’ve no children of my own and I’ve never been married before. He has a 7 yo daughter and got divorced last year.
He lives about 50 miles away from me. I raised the idea of what I want in the future, and he would want me to move to his area.
the problem I have is I’d be the breadwinner. I’m on about 46k a year and he’s on 29k possibly 35k if he can include his car allowance. He doesn’t seem to think this will be enough to support me for 1 year maternity. The other issue is he’s being very particular about areas to live and seems to only want ti be about 30 mins from his daughters school - he lives in a very expensive area in the South East of England. I have a big deposit for a house, which I’m kind of saving as I’d like to buy with someone if I can.
the other issue is he comes to me with all these worries and anxieties which is fine but it doesn’t fill me with much confidence about the relationship and it leaves me feeling insecure and anxious… almost as though he’s trying to find reasons not to be with me.
the whole thing has left me feeling incredibly upset and I don’t know how to proceed. I feel I’ve invested a lot of time and emotional energy into the relationship. I like spending time with him, but I’m now struggling to see a future when he comes across quite negative, and it feels as though I’m the one making all the compromise, and there’s little consideration of that for me :(
I would be the one uprooting my life, and moving far from my family and friends to be closer to his. But I’m not feeling very supported.
What do you all think of this?