Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm going to text him please stop me

44 replies

changewillcome · 14/10/2023 23:42

Context-

4 year relationship. I love him but I felt he didn't value me. We've been broken up nearly a month now.

There were lots of arguments but there was one thing that was the final nail in the coffin.

I struggle with my mental health at times. I'm medicated and in therapy so doing the best I can. Most of the time I'm ok, but just before I broke up with him I was in a very low place
I didn't talk to him. We weren't in a great of place.

I spoke to a mutual friend about how low I was- I mentioned suicide as a way out. I felt like that at the time. I don't now. I didn't even think at the time he would talk to my bf.

The mutual friend rang my bf the next day as he was worried

Bf mentioned it to me one week later.
I asked him why if his friend had spoken to him he didn't talk to me earlier?
He said it only just came to his mind.... a week later!

I broke up with him as I felt and feel he
Doesn't care.

He's not made any contact since. I'm gutted.

Would love any advice and hard truths are fine. I want to message him as I miss him so much.

OP posts:
RubyBoozeDay · 14/10/2023 23:45

He doesn’t care about you.

Stichintime · 14/10/2023 23:46

He's showing you it's over love. Be strong.

Original poster
changewillcome · 14/10/2023 23:48

Thank you, it's so hard.

OP posts:
MissMistyy · 14/10/2023 23:49

Have you ever heard "no answer is an answer"?

I think that sort of applies here. He's not contacted you, that in itself tells you all you need to know.

Take it from me the only thing worse than missing someone who shows they don't care about you is going back to them, staying with them until you are tied to them and then wishing you had walked away earlier.

Thank your lucky stars, you have dodged a bullet. Stay strong, don't look back, you aren't going that way.

bronkie · 14/10/2023 23:49

He maybe thought you were using it as a way to get him back so he has deliberately avoided bringing it up.

Original poster
changewillcome · 14/10/2023 23:52

bronkie · 14/10/2023 23:49

He maybe thought you were using it as a way to get him back so he has deliberately avoided bringing it up.

This happened before we broke up.
There were no talks of breaking up but when he did that I thought he doesn't give a shit so I broke up with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
changewillcome · 14/10/2023 23:53

MissMistyy · 14/10/2023 23:49

Have you ever heard "no answer is an answer"?

I think that sort of applies here. He's not contacted you, that in itself tells you all you need to know.

Take it from me the only thing worse than missing someone who shows they don't care about you is going back to them, staying with them until you are tied to them and then wishing you had walked away earlier.

Thank your lucky stars, you have dodged a bullet. Stay strong, don't look back, you aren't going that way.

Thanks, I'm having a wobble tonight.
I'm so ready to message him just to check?!

OP posts:
bronkie · 14/10/2023 23:55

Sounds as if you did the right thing then. Be strong and don't message. Try to get some sleep !

bronkie · 14/10/2023 23:55

@changewillcome to check on what?

Lonesomefetter · 14/10/2023 23:56

He isn't that bothered. Don't message, just makes you look weak and desperate, not good for your mental health.

Original poster
changewillcome · 14/10/2023 23:57

bronkie · 14/10/2023 23:55

@changewillcome to check on what?

I wonder if he's being stubborn because I technically broke up
With him.
We did have so much love for each other at one point, it's hard to let it go. But he doesn't care about me and I need to get that in my head somehow.

OP posts:
Firsttimemum120 · 14/10/2023 23:58

If they wanted to they would. I’ve been blocked since Tuesday for the fact he asked me a question at 06:38 in text rather than say good morning ask how his daughter is and myself then ask me a question relating to a car that he can’t drive. I was fuming and he tried to run back over it but I didn’t allow hence the block. They want you to do the chasing so don’t do it your worth more. If he wanted to he would and he hasn’t. I’d not give in cause if you felt like this then it’s never going to change.

AbbeyGailsParty · 15/10/2023 00:09

You could try writing in a journal what you’d really like to say to him. Write down exactly how you feel, what you’d say.
That helps you get it out and reading it back in a few days, then a few weeks you’ll see how you’re progressing and moving on from him. You will be glad you didn’t text him.

Original poster
changewillcome · 15/10/2023 00:11

AbbeyGailsParty · 15/10/2023 00:09

You could try writing in a journal what you’d really like to say to him. Write down exactly how you feel, what you’d say.
That helps you get it out and reading it back in a few days, then a few weeks you’ll see how you’re progressing and moving on from him. You will be glad you didn’t text him.

That's a good idea.
I just wanted to say to him that he's obviously not bothered so why didn't he end it in the first place? I really want to ask him why he's a bloody coward who had to make me feel so unloved that I had to end it with him.

OP posts:
MissMistyy · 15/10/2023 00:15

You love and care about him so you want to contact him...... he hasn't contacted you...... put the pieces together. There is nothing to check.
You message him, he knows he has a hold over you and can continue to treat you without care and you will come running back.

Break the cycle and just block him.

Ofcourseshecan · 15/10/2023 00:16

AbbeyGailsParty · 15/10/2023 00:09

You could try writing in a journal what you’d really like to say to him. Write down exactly how you feel, what you’d say.
That helps you get it out and reading it back in a few days, then a few weeks you’ll see how you’re progressing and moving on from him. You will be glad you didn’t text him.

This is a good idea, OP.

If you wrote to him he would probably ignore you or say something hurtful, so either way you would feel worse.

VeridicalVagabond · 15/10/2023 00:19

changewillcome · 14/10/2023 23:57

I wonder if he's being stubborn because I technically broke up
With him.
We did have so much love for each other at one point, it's hard to let it go. But he doesn't care about me and I need to get that in my head somehow.

Show quote history

He loved you so much he forgot you were having suicidal thoughts and it didn't occur to him to bring it up until a week later.

To put that in context for you, 8 years ago when I was having struggles with my mental health and similar ideation, it somehow got back to a woman in work I did not get on with at all and she openly didn't like me. She messaged me that night to check in on me and wish me well and ask if she could help.

Janet in accounting who deliberately left me out of secret Santa and scoffed at my shoes cared more about my wellbeing than your boyfriend cared about yours.

You're well rid. Do not message him.

Original poster
changewillcome · 15/10/2023 00:20

Is it not wise to say my piece then block?

OP posts:
Original poster
changewillcome · 15/10/2023 00:21

You are right. That's what I needed to hear, thank you

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 15/10/2023 00:22

Yes, get it off your chest... Just not to him.

You'll be kicking yourself if you message him because the chances are your checking with him will reveal (again) he isn't that bothered and you'll wish you read the writing on the wall before you lost your dignity.

Write it all down, then at least the cringe is private when you come through this raw time and realise your hunch in the first place was right and these feelings of wanting to reach out is your grief.

bronkie · 15/10/2023 00:22

@changewillcome he doesn't think the same way as you so he will not recognise his behaviour as wanting. It won't make any difference to him.

Are you sure you just don't want to have contact with him - any contact as it is better than none?

MissMistyy · 15/10/2023 00:26

There is no point in saying your piece to someone who doesn't care. It is a waste of your time and energy. Focus on talking to people who do care.

Original poster
changewillcome · 15/10/2023 00:28

bronkie · 15/10/2023 00:22

@changewillcome he doesn't think the same way as you so he will not recognise his behaviour as wanting. It won't make any difference to him.

Are you sure you just don't want to have contact with him - any contact as it is better than none?

Of course. I want him to care again.

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 15/10/2023 00:30

changewillcome · 15/10/2023 00:20

Is it not wise to say my piece then block?

No, because you will be opening up a dialogue- whatever his response is or isn't you will feel hurt and be back to square 1. If he cared about you and bearing in mind your previous suicide ideology he would have already reached out to you to check on your welfare. He hasn't
and there's your answer sadly. He's really not worth another moment of your time.

HoppingPavlova · 15/10/2023 00:33

I just wanted to say to him that he's obviously not bothered so why didn't he end it in the first place? I really want to ask him why he's a bloody coward who had to make me feel so unloved that I had to end it with him

Good lord, no. He obviously wasn’t as into you as you were into him. In these situations most men generally just stay for convenience until something they believe is better/right fit comes along. It’s not ‘right’ but it is normal for many men, so your intended message is pretty redundant. Just accept this and move on. He has done you a huge favour in that now you can move forward to find an opportunity for someone who you are the best/right fit for. Better being able to do this now rather than years down the track, surely?