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Original poster

We’ve inherited a dog, what to do?!

65 replies

Butterfly944 · 13/10/2023 12:15

My mother in law passed away suddenly leaving my partner with her 2 year old dog.
It’s been two months now & I thought we were going to re-home him but my partner wants to keep it. The only problem is I really dislike the dog and am always cleaning up after it.
He has terrible habits and dribbles everywhere. I just feel like I can’t cope in my own home with this large dog who’s constantly in the way.
My partner feels like he has to keep him because of his mum but I also feel like I’m at breaking point. I never wanted a dog and especially not this breed or with the health problems it has. The financial impact it’s had it’s ridiculous.

Has anyone experienced this before??

OP posts:
knowsmorethansnow · 14/10/2023 00:51

What breed of dog is it ?

Mmhmmn · 14/10/2023 00:54

He does the cleaning up after the dog, or the dog goes.

Mmhmmn · 14/10/2023 00:55

StarDolphins · 13/10/2023 21:04

I took my grandads cat when he died. She gave me comfort & I wanted to do the right thing by my grandad. My then bf moved in & after a while once he got comfy, he insisted we rehomed my grandads cat as she was scratching (MY) carpet & he was leaving if not. I said that’s fine & to leave.

Maybe the dog gives him comfort but if it’s a dealbreaker for you then you need to leave or tell him to take full responsibility.

👏 👏

The brass neck of him ! 🙄

Millybob · 14/10/2023 01:00

Why does she need to leave? Why can't the boyfriend and the dog leave, if it means that much to him? It would be a dealbreaker for me too but I wouldn't have allowed it home in the first place.
If the dog is his sentimental link to his dead mother, he can't have thought that much of her if he's failing to care for it.

luckylavender · 14/10/2023 05:50

@RoseAndRose - & yet everyone always says (rightly) that both people need to be on board to have a dog.

GrumpyPanda · 14/10/2023 06:04

LuluBlakey1 · 13/10/2023 20:29

^^ This. Stop whining and take positive action. It's not the dog's fault and it's not DH's fault.

Show quote history

Seriously?! Of course it's DH's fault. So he didn't actively go out and acquire the dog over OP's objections, fine. That doesn't absolve him of being a lazy bugger and leaving all actual work around the dog to her.

PeakABoocha · 14/10/2023 06:22

LuluBlakey1 · 13/10/2023 20:29

^^ This. Stop whining and take positive action. It's not the dog's fault and it's not DH's fault.

Show quote history

Er…. And how is it the OP’s fault?
And why should she be the one responsible to sort stuff out?

I get that her DH wants to keep the dog. I get why. But then Surely that’s his responsibility to take said dog to classes? To ensure the cats are ok in the house too?

.

LuisVitton · 14/10/2023 06:47

Why is it dribbling? Wee or saliva - my DMs dog dribbled as it was constantly being given bits to eat.

littleblackcat27 · 14/10/2023 06:58

The 'big' dog needs a walk at least twice a day. Saying 'it won't walk' will not work. If a 2 year old dog isn't walked enough - it will be a pain the arse.

Your boyfriend needs to get on with that. And use a dog trainer to help if the dog is point blank refusing to walk every time.

Can you put the cat food in a different room - ie one that the dog does not go in?

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 14/10/2023 07:02

Can you look into a rescue for that specific breed? Certain breeds have fans and a young dog like this guy deserves to be trained and cared for by someone who knows what they're doing and is going to be his forever person. I'm a dog lover, but it really does sound like you have bitten off more than you can chew with this doggy.

user1492757084 · 14/10/2023 07:04

Can you try for a time by making the dog an out door dog. Have a warm kennel and a dog run in the yard. Then the size of the dog and the dribbling will not matter so much. Book the dog into obedience classes and agree that your partner will be the walker and clean up any mess.
An outdoor dog will suit the cats too.

Riverlee · 14/10/2023 07:28

If the dog has never been trained, then that’s where you start. Find dog training classes for older dogs and start training him.

KittenBiscuit · 14/10/2023 07:57

Regarding the dog eating the cats' food, if finances allow I would recommend a microchip activated food bowl for the cats. Not a cheap solution, but if your partner wants to keep the dog (and you want to keep the partner!) it may be a good investment. Might even save you money over time if you are not having to keep replacing the cats' food.

[SureFeed Automatic Food Dispenser with Microchip Automatic Food Dispenser with Microchip Controlled Access Control for Multiple Animal Houses, Ideal for Cats who need to take Special Food or Medicine. https://amzn.eu/d/eT0MQ7l ]

rookiemere · 14/10/2023 08:17

user1492757084 · 14/10/2023 07:04

Can you try for a time by making the dog an out door dog. Have a warm kennel and a dog run in the yard. Then the size of the dog and the dribbling will not matter so much. Book the dog into obedience classes and agree that your partner will be the walker and clean up any mess.
An outdoor dog will suit the cats too.

Kinder to rehome than not let a sociable animal who thrives on being around company live alone in the cold.

TammyJones · 14/10/2023 11:37

martinisforeveryone · 13/10/2023 20:22

If you really can't see a way forward you need to talk to your partner and frame it that the dog deserves to be with someone who'll love it and be happy to take care of it and that ultimately, that's what his mother would have wanted, not a home where the dog's resented and not fitting in.

I feel fit you.
I had similar and we rehomed the dog.
Normal life resumed
I mean you getting landed with the lot and that's not fair.

woofwoofandwoof · 14/10/2023 11:41

SkyFullofStars1975 wrote:

2 months after losing his Mum isn't a time to discuss this with your DP. I lost my Dad in January and I'm still reeling.

That's not just a dog to him right now, it's his link to his Mum.

@Butterfly944 I'd put this a bit stronger actually. I think for him emotionally the dog IS his mother. It represents her, her love received into and by the dog, something she touched and loved. It's his mother to him now. He can stroke, pet, cuddle the dog and feel her love. He can feed and look after the dog and feel he is doing an act of service for his mother he can show her his love through the dog.

He will be raw with grief for at least 6 months probably longer. My advice would be to think of it as a 6 month project for you. Just think I'm going to suck it up for 6months as much as I don't like it because I need to support him in his grief. At 6 months or so, then reassess the situation and discuss it. If you make him get rid of the dog (I doubt he would though) he will resent you so it could be that it's a lump it or split situation.

Also bear in mind that things happen and situations change - not to wish it of course but if the dog is unhealthy you never know it may die - so it may not be a long term problem anyway.

HynieTheLaughingHyena · 14/10/2023 11:45

androidnotapple · 13/10/2023 12:16

If you don't want a dog, and nothing tying you to partner such as kids, tell him you don't want a dog, he does, that makes you incompatible, and leave.

The man's mum just died. He is clinging on to a connection with her. Would you really be this cold?

OP I would get dh to invest in some one on one behaviour training. Tell him you will give it 6 months while he trains up the dog, and then re-evaluate together what the best course of action might be.

category12 · 14/10/2023 11:50

Butterfly944 · 13/10/2023 18:04

Thanks for the advice everyone.
It’s just a hard time in general but the dog is adding to the stress right now. I’ve tried everything to try and enjoy having him but he can be very naughty for me but not my partner.
I agree it’s too soon to discuss but just finding it hard at the moment.
Hes never been to puppy classes or had any real social interaction as he was at home with MIL all day. He was never really walked so won’t walk with us which can be a pain as when he wants to go home he will just sit down and not move which I find so stressful.
My partner at the moment doesn’t see anything wrong with having him but we also have two cats who are still trying to adjust to having a dog in the house. One cat is loosing fur to the stress and the dog is constantly eating there food even though I’ve put it high up & out of the way 😱
I think either way one of us will resent the other if we keep/rehome the dog.

If you want to try to make it work, since it's naughty for you specifically, I think you might consider doing training with it. It might be you can build a bond and grow to like or even love it if you're willing to put time and effort in. Hard to tolerate the dog when it's difficult for you in particular, which may be because it's picking up on your discomfort.

I suggest setting yourself a mental time limit of 3-6 months and spend some money on learning how to train the dog and seeing if you can make a change in its behaviour (and your own) in the meantime.

If you still dislike it at the end, then look to rehome or rehome yourself if your partner remains intractable.

MainlyOnThePlain · 14/10/2023 11:53

For God's sake don't make an indoor dog who's been used to spending all his time with his owner live outside. That would be really cruel and would only lead to more behavioural issues.

Do you know where your MIL got the dog from? Most breeders would want to take a dog back if circumstances change so dramatically, and should certainly be able to offer you some support, especially if it's a breed with specific needs.

MainlyOnThePlain · 14/10/2023 11:54

Is it a basset hound, by any chance? Just going on the slobber, the selective naughtiness, and the habit of sitting down and refusing to move when on a walk...

itsmyp4rty · 14/10/2023 12:21

Riverlee · 14/10/2023 07:28

If the dog has never been trained, then that’s where you start. Find dog training classes for older dogs and start training him.

Why should the OP train a dog she doesn't even want? Her OH needs to train the dog if he wants to keep it. I bet he had absolutely no interest in the dog when his mum was alive and it sounds like he has no real interest in it now either - but conveniently the OP is at home so he can dump it on her and not give it a second thought.

I'd be having the conversation OP in fact I'd have made it clear from day one that the dog was only staying until a good home had been found for it. A dog is a huge responsibility and he has no right to dump it on you.

category12 · 14/10/2023 12:26

itsmyp4rty · 14/10/2023 12:21

Why should the OP train a dog she doesn't even want? Her OH needs to train the dog if he wants to keep it. I bet he had absolutely no interest in the dog when his mum was alive and it sounds like he has no real interest in it now either - but conveniently the OP is at home so he can dump it on her and not give it a second thought.

I'd be having the conversation OP in fact I'd have made it clear from day one that the dog was only staying until a good home had been found for it. A dog is a huge responsibility and he has no right to dump it on you.

Edited
Show quote history

Because it's particularly naughty for her - she needs to be able to tell it to behave in a way it will listen to and for them both to give it consistent messages. And if she's the one at home with it most, she needs it to behave for her. Unfortunately if you have a dog in the household, you both need to participate in its training really.

And it's not really practical to try to have nothing to do with an animal that lives in your house, unless it's something like a fish or hamster.

Epicstorm · 14/10/2023 12:57

I really feel for you. We have a dog but really it’s my husband’s. The care of it is all his. I’d find it really difficult if I inherited it. He’s already a rescue dog so I wouldn’t think it fair to rehome him. No way could I put down a youngish healthy dog (and he’s a lovely little dog) but I really wouldn’t want full time responsibility for it. In your position I think the only possible compromise is for your husband to undertake all the care for it and you to willingly tolerate having a dog in your home. Depends on circumstances though. Both of us are at home during the day so that makes it easier for my husband to do 99% of the care while I stick to patting him and feeding him treats . 😂

NotAgainWilson · 14/02/2024 05:42

You really don’t say what the problem behaviours are, so I assume you just want sympathy and be reassured it is ok to want the dog out rather than solving the issues.

You just say that he eats the cats’ food (not really an issue putting the food out of the reach of the dog, really) he dribbles , he refuses walking some times, and you clean the mess. But you don’t say what kind of mess (hair? Poo? Pieces of your sofa?), I assume he is dribbling saliva, not wee, which is something some breeds do and, as for the walking, if you are not walking it for ten miles in full sun that dog might be in pain, is he one of those breeds prone to hip, knee or respiratory problems?

I believe the bottom line is that you don’t like the dog but that dog has some special meaning to your partner, much as your cats have a meaning to you, so the catch 22 is that you are not going to be happy with the dog there but he might resent you and your cats forever if you force him to give away the dog. So the question is, what do you prefer in the long run, putting up with a pesky dog or a resentful partner?

The second question is, have you got your home together or either of you moved into the other’s? Just asking this as it wouldn’t be the first time that someone will be asked to move out if they don’t like the pet.

Luckycloverz · 14/02/2024 06:14

Too early to discuss rehoming him yet, just keep trying short walks and training each day to get him into a new routine.

The cats need their own safe space either use a dog gate on a room or stairs to stop the dog and have their food, litter tray beds etc safe behind it. There is really no reason the dog should be get to their food and it's probably not doing him any good.

Early days so support your partner and if several months later things haven't improved at least you can throughly discuss the options knowing you've tried.