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Relationships

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Original poster

Attracted to my boss

60 replies

speenmum · 13/10/2023 11:16

Last year I went through a messy divorce and I finally feel ready to put myself back out there. I have found myself unexpectedly attracted to my boss because he's kind, fair and makes me really feel appreciated and wanted, especially over the past year. I get the impression he might feel the same way and our romantic connection is slowly growing.

Is it ok/appropriate for me to make a move? I don't think his role as my boss should impact our relationship too much

OP posts:

Feathereyebrows · 13/10/2023 20:23

Op I think you're a bit vulnerable at the moment, he's just being nice and yes it's nice isn't; I've been there. I think after a break up it's more important to gain support from friends and family than coworkers. Keep the line and all that unless you're close friends out of work.

Although I kinda hate the holier than thou brigade on here, loads of people meet at work and gasp shock horror yes sometimes boss/employee. You'd think you were a mass murderer the way this lot go on.

ClareBlue · 13/10/2023 20:26

How many other men have you spent time with since the end of your LTR. Has he become the subject of all your romantic focus. And don't think a relationship will be accepted by the rest of the team. It rarely is and causes all sorts of issues.

FlagFatigue · 13/10/2023 20:34

Naive in what way? I am fully aware of the risks but I don't want to miss out on being happy with someone just because of professional life which I think doesn't have to have anything to do with personal life unless you let them get mixed up

Thinking that you'll definitely be able to keep work and personal life separate when you date the boss for a start. Even if you can, it will impact how others see you and act around you and have a knock on effect on your relationships with others at work.

Thinking that if you broke up, you'll just be able to navigate it easily. It's not so easy when feelings are involved.

Thinking that he will act professionally if you split up and that it won't impact your place in the company.

Not realising that the people higher up rarely come off badly when things go wrong. HR will often protect those higher up.

OnAir · 13/10/2023 20:38

You don't shit on your own doorstep.

Fahbeep · 13/10/2023 20:51

This is a really bad idea. There is a power dynamic in play and if you have misjudged it, you might put him in a really difficult position of having to tell the HR team about whatever you say to him, and it may then damage your career. A line manager should not be having romantic relationships with subordinates ever. And you are his subordinate. Other team members would be made to feel uncomfortable, there will be issues over perceived favouritism, complaints and you may find yourself transferred and sidelined. And what if it ends badly? What if you want to dump him? Or if he wants to dump you? It's a fantasy and I think it should stay that way. You will find someone somewhere else, but please be careful with this idea. I do t think you would be asking on MN if deep down you didn't already no it is a dangerous idea.

ActDottie · 13/10/2023 20:52

I doubt he can continue being your boss if you get together. So they’ll have to find someone else to manage you.

It is also just so inappropriate! He’s your boss!

ActDottie · 13/10/2023 20:54

speenmum · 13/10/2023 13:15

@CesareBorgia At my workplace there are many small teams and moving around is pretty easy. My boss only manages about 10 of us within this particular team

Those other nine people will be very pissed off if you end up in a relationship with him and he continues to manage you. Massive conflict of interest that any good employer would avoid.

Mum2jenny · 13/10/2023 20:58

Just don’t, OP. It will not end well. Speaking from experience (ok, many years ago!)

paimio · 13/10/2023 21:29

If you go for it you have to be prepared to leave your job.

My DP was my boss when I met him. He made the first move. We both agreed to find new jobs shortly thereafter.

Even if you’re okay working together it’s not fair on everyone else, there will always be perceived bias and it will make others uncomfortable.

AgentJohnson · 15/10/2023 05:34

I don't want to miss out on being happy with someone just because of professional life which I think doesn't have to have anything to do with personal life unless you let them get mixed up.

Getting romantically involved with your boss is the very definition of getting your personal and professional life ‘mixed up’.

Make an appointment with HR to clarify company policy but even if policy was ok with this, you would still taking a risk.

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