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Original poster

Had 2 dates - is he interested or not??

32 replies

Belleoftheball83 · 08/10/2023 09:32

Met a guy on a dating app about 6 weeks ago. Spoke for ages before I took the lead and suggested meeting. First date went well, second date followed this week. Amazing date (conversation never stopped, lots of fun) but no kiss, hug, handhold ... nothing. He seems really confident so I'd be surprised if it's shyness but did leave me wondering if he just didn't fancy me.

Anyway, he text me fairly soon after hinting he'd like a 3rd date which i responded positively to. He'd also been indirect after the first date. Since then, we've texted once a day but he's not suggested or mentioned a third date. He's a very slow texter (one message per day) but has no kids, and isn't working as he's self employed and got a few weeks before his next contract starts.

I know I could initiate a third date but I've done that with the last two and surely if he's interested, he would show some proactivity?

What do you think, wise Mumsnetters? Am I wasting my time?

OP posts:
SpringleDingle · 08/10/2023 09:37

The lack of proactivity at arranging dates would annoy me. The physical contact less so, I prefer to make that first move. I’m pretty blunt so if I really like the guy I’d probably ask if he was intending to arrange date 3 and anything aside from galloping enthusiasm after that would earn him the elbow! However by now I’d have already told him what I was looking for and proactive date organising is on that list so if we wasn’t up to par at this point I’d just stop messaging and move on.

Aaron95 · 08/10/2023 09:37

One way to find out. Setup the 3rd date and ensure that you ask him during it where he sees this going?

Birthdayblu · 08/10/2023 09:39

If you have to write a post on mumsnet to check at such an early stage, he’s not interested. Or not interested enough to pursue this further!

Get back out there. Happens to the best of us

beastlyslumber · 08/10/2023 09:40

Hmm. In general I tend to think if a man's interested he'll make it clear. The fact that he hasn't been flirty or proactive in organising dates would suggest to me he's not that keen.

However, if you like him, why not try to move things along a bit? Prompt him with a flirty message next time he texts, e.g. oh hold on, I think I can just about remember... tall, good looking? The memory's fading... I mean, something playful that makes it clear you're expecting things to move on. You could even say something like, are you ever going to ask me out again? A text-only relationship is a bit boring...

Obviously what you say depends a bit on your personality etc. But you might as well be clear what you want from him. Express it in a playful and flirty way. He'll either respond positively and enthusiastically or he won't. And then you have your answer.

SunshineAndFizz · 08/10/2023 09:42

He might be interested but it would annoy me how laid back he is - I've had a bf like this and I always had to organise things, take the lead on everything, make all decisions. It soon got tired.

Shapemyeyebrows · 08/10/2023 10:27

@Belleoftheball83 6 weeks in and you’ve only had 2 dates, either he’s not that interested or he’s just too laid back and this is how he is which is probably going to be frustrating in the long run. So I would say to him you don’t feel like your energy matches and move on.

Wavessea · 08/10/2023 10:50

The simple answer is no he isn’t interested.
if a man is interested he will be clear and ask for a date.
If he is interested he will make it obvious and pursue you
if you’re questioning it and left not knowing this is the biggest sign to not pursue it and confirmation he’s just not that into you.

Potterinthegarden · 08/10/2023 10:54

Wavessea · 08/10/2023 10:50

The simple answer is no he isn’t interested.
if a man is interested he will be clear and ask for a date.
If he is interested he will make it obvious and pursue you
if you’re questioning it and left not knowing this is the biggest sign to not pursue it and confirmation he’s just not that into you.

I agree. It is hard with dating, but if he isn't initiating dates that isn't a good sign. You want someone to like you enough to make the effort. Move on. Good luck I'm sure you'll find someone nice (r).

LeoAndTheBlonde · 08/10/2023 10:54

Even if he is interested and shy this sort of dynamic and personality doesn't work for me. I want a guy who pursues me, no guessworks, direct and confident.
You already had to ask him out for the first date, I don't think he's that keen or he is incredibly complex and hard work. I don't care if it makes me old fashioned, I like a man who chases me.

Olika · 08/10/2023 11:17

If he wanted you he would make it happen. Don't waste your energy on him.

theduchessofspork · 08/10/2023 11:20

yep, he’s not really interested. Could be all sorts of reasons

Move on

StillWantingADog · 08/10/2023 11:24

I’d push the ball firmly back into his court and not make any plans until he does.

it doesn’t sound very promising tbh but I’d give him the benefit of the doubt for another week or so

Zola1 · 08/10/2023 11:25

One text a day, no hand hold or kiss, only 2 dates.. I suspect he isn't interested or is seeing someone else

overdalexx · 08/10/2023 11:32

seem to be some curiously negative comments on here from folks/women expecting fast moves. And hell the idea that folks/men can be complex. whatever next? One text a day sounds pretty reasonable to me, especially at this stage. Much more and I could see Mnet charges of love-bombing. The lack of a physical move so far (and let's face it we are not too far in) could be just his nature, or a man rather conscious of the post me-too potential for outrage. You say the conversation just flowed - if genuinely (ie not one - you or him - doing all the talking) that sounds very positive. sounds like you enjoy his company. Little to lose by letting this run I would have thought. see how things pan out. Anyways an educational thread for this male.

7Worfs · 08/10/2023 11:38

He’s juggling several women online and you are not at the top of the list.

I’d let him know that you enjoyed speaking with him but you are looking for more than what he’s offering.

LeoAndTheBlonde · 08/10/2023 11:41

overdalexx · 08/10/2023 11:32

seem to be some curiously negative comments on here from folks/women expecting fast moves. And hell the idea that folks/men can be complex. whatever next? One text a day sounds pretty reasonable to me, especially at this stage. Much more and I could see Mnet charges of love-bombing. The lack of a physical move so far (and let's face it we are not too far in) could be just his nature, or a man rather conscious of the post me-too potential for outrage. You say the conversation just flowed - if genuinely (ie not one - you or him - doing all the talking) that sounds very positive. sounds like you enjoy his company. Little to lose by letting this run I would have thought. see how things pan out. Anyways an educational thread for this male.

A man with confidence and social/emotional intelligence will know the difference between rapey (me too) level of harassment and a well timed, consensual and wanted touch. One text a day is the extreme opposite of love bombing. It doesn't have to be so extreme. If a guy can't realise the difference between wanted attention versus harassment perhaps it's best he stays in his parents basement. It's always the socially inept who claim it's so hard to know the difference because women called it out in metoo.🙄

BedtimeCuppa · 08/10/2023 11:46

My ex said, near the end, “I’m someone who takes instruction”. It was exhausting being with such a weak, non-adult. If he wants a third date, let him actually make decisions for one!

overdalexx · 08/10/2023 11:48

LeoAndTheBlonde · 08/10/2023 11:41

A man with confidence and social/emotional intelligence will know the difference between rapey (me too) level of harassment and a well timed, consensual and wanted touch. One text a day is the extreme opposite of love bombing. It doesn't have to be so extreme. If a guy can't realise the difference between wanted attention versus harassment perhaps it's best he stays in his parents basement. It's always the socially inept who claim it's so hard to know the difference because women called it out in metoo.🙄

Show quote history

:)
you are calling me socially inept? someone you don't even know?
thanks for your contribution anyway - all educational.
Back to the original post - I would enjoy his company and see how it goes - always the possibility of the OP making a move. I've read far worse tales of dates, many on here.

blackbeardsballsack · 08/10/2023 12:15

With vanishingly few exceptions, if a man is interested in a woman and wants to see her, they will be very clear about it. I have never known it to play out any differently.

ColdEvenings · 08/10/2023 12:31

Throw him back! He's not that into you!

Thebigblueballoon · 08/10/2023 12:37

As the above poster suggested, I suspect he’s talking to/dating a lot of women, and you are not his number one.
I’d give it perhaps one more week and if he hasn’t initiated anything by then, I’d not waste my time further. I wouldn’t be suggesting a third date if I’d done the leg work for the first two.

Watchkeys · 08/10/2023 12:42

The question is for you, really, not us.

Do you want to have an ongoing relationship with someone who doesn't give you clear signals about whether they're interested in you?

Watchkeys · 08/10/2023 12:42

The question is for you, really, not us.

Do you want to have an ongoing relationship with someone who doesn't give you clear signals about whether they're interested in you?

beatrix1234 · 08/10/2023 12:42

For x and y reasons he doesn’t sound like he’s too interested . You’ve already told him you’re interested in a third date. Ball is in his court. Don’t chase men, it’s bad for the self esteem and you’ll loose value in their eyes. Let them chase you.

beatrix1234 · 08/10/2023 12:46

In the meanwhile date other people, have hobbies, go out and have fun. Don’t center your life around strangers on the internet because it looks a bit desperate.