Happier when he’s gone - not right, is it?

[Bluewall101]

DH and I haven’t been in a great place for a while now. I’ve been putting it down to various stresses - work/family/financial - recent years have been a lot. We’ve been together a long long time and have 3 lovely teenagers - I really can’t imagine what splitting would do to them, it breaks my heart to think of it.

But the truth is, I’m unhappy. I have been excusing/blaming it on all the external stress - but the truth is, DH is a grumpy, critical asshole too much of the time. He was away for work last week and the whole house felt lighter and happier, and I felt more myself. More relaxed, less stressed. Anyone else had similar? Xx

I feel the same, my husband and I haven't been in a good place over the last few years, it got a bit better this last year since our son arrived. But he still will be critical and by accident I cursed when I thought my son choked on phone and how he reacted to me, has made me realise again I don't want this for my relationship.
When I bring up how he had acted to me under stress, which was say 4 months ago, he will say that was months ago, he did apologise but will minimise it and said I read too much books.
I was so happy with my kids yesterday with he was gone and I am thinking of a trial seperarion.

this is a bit of an old thread I know, with some recent additions - I am in a similar situation but have only been with my partner 3 years, we have a 2 year old...
His problem is not enough sex, apparently.
I'm wondering whether there is a similar pattern with these grumpy, miserable moody men - I wonder whether it's after you have kids, and your not focussing on him so much, and not having as much sex, some of them cant handle it.
Wondering if it occurrs mostly in insecurely attached men also. I'm thinking anxiously attached.
It does seem to be a pattern and I don't want to live the rest of my life like this, Had one day and evening on my own recently and felt like 'myself' again, calmer, happier. Thought it was all the other stresses - mum dying, new baby, etc but I'm seriously beginning to think it's him and wondering what on earth to do.
It's devastating because we started out so good, got on so well, such a laugh, he was such a companion to me. Now it's like we're enemies in the same house and I dread coming home, waking up in the morning. It's bloody awful.
I don't particularly want to be on my own, I just want him to be good company again. But you can't change people.

This is exactly me, and I realized this two years ago. I don't know whether it was going through the menopause that made me finally see clearly, but anyway, I started the separation process after 30 odd years together, and today, the divorce finally came through.

I have never been as happy or felt so in control of anything in my life before. I was the main earner and I bought him out of the house and it's my house now and I don't have to argue with him to get any work done which I then have to pay for anyway.

I do have a partner who I met post-break up through the dating apps and he's lovely and we do all the things that I wanted to do with my husband but he wasn't up for together but I don't think I ever want him to come and live with me to be honest. I like having him as a separate fun exciting interesting partner who's got his own life as well.