Friendships terrify me

[zxcvbnm23]

For as long as I can remember, even in my early teens, I've found socialising exhaustingly difficult. I struggle with eye contact to the point it makes me feel physically uncomfortable, I am always worrying about saying the right things and not saying the wrong things, I'm terrified of accidentally upsetting people even when realistically I probably haven't done anything wrong. My mind goes into overdrive and I am constantly repeating situations I've been in over and over inside my head and finding fault with what I have done or said.

I love being on my own and sitting in the quiet. It's the environment I feel most comfortable in. If I know that I am able to stay home or away from people all day, I am buzzing. I'll happily make plans but when the day comes I am absolutely full of dread and try and find any excuse I can to get out of whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing, which I know is wrong.

The idea of having a close friend(s) or group of people that enjoy my company sounds lovely but when it comes to it, I don't want that. Friendships feel so demanding and draining to me (I'm in my late 20s now). I don't WANT to feel like this but I just can't help it.

If someone asks me to do something spontaneous/last minute/on the spot, I freak and feel so out of my comfort zone. I just want to go home and shut my front door.

I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I feel like I'm not even compatible with life FGS. I feel pathetic and suicidal because I can't stand people but I'm going to have to go through this for the rest of my life. I can't hold a simple conversation. I am just so awkward.

Is this something I can speak to the GP about? Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

Do you have a partner? I used to feel the way you do about friendships (still do to some degree) but for some reason a romantic partner is fine. Someone special who you just click with and who you can navigate life with, rather than always being by yourself?

"Is this something I can speak to the GP about?"

Yes it is.

Just copy what you wrote in your post and show it to your GP (easier than trying to blurt it all out when you're head's all over the place because you're out of your comfort zone).

Are you not just a natural introvert. I think this sounds quite normal personally. I'm just like this.

what is the problem?

Friendships are not compulsory

I don't want to throw around neurodiverse terms (I am myself) but do you think you could maybe on the ASD spectrum? I have an autistic friend and she struggles with eye contact and socialising... I'm not saying you are because I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist, it's just another suggestion. Good luck to you op.

Yes you can talk to your GP.

As a PP it might well be worth investigating neuro diversity (because a dislike of eye contact in particular can be a sign of ASD).

Do you actually want friends or are you entirely happy in your own company?

You sound like me OP.

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety

It’s fine to be an introvert, it’s common to get a bit nervous in social situations… but when it has taken over your life to the extent that you’re constantly thinking about scenarios and worrying about how you were perceived, then it’s 100% time to speak to GP. It sounds like you are terribly anxious about life and medication and therapy can help with that.
I do understand Op but I was similar and medication helped take the edge off until one day I no longer needed the medication and was able to cope with many different situations.
One thing that really helped me is exercise as well- for some reason when life gets too much it’s so relaxing to unwind during lane swimming. Physical exercise so you exert yourself to the point where you are too tired to overthink, if that makes sense. You’re never supposed to feel suicidal, there is help to get.

This isn't a problem, you have an INTROVERT personality, that is all. Its perfectly fine .most people are on a spectrum somewhere between introvert and extrovert. You are an introvert and people drain you and you find your pleasure and energy in being alone, doing what you like to do. There are groups on Facebook etc called INFJ , introverts. Worth having a look. Also, have you tried doing doing a myers- briggs test just a free online one, it will give you some insight into your personality type x

I really wouldn’t bother trying to put a label on yourself. If you’re happy then that’s the main thing, it’s just how you are . Everyone is different .

What is worrying though is about the lack of social connectedness which is known to cause depression and can present risk in later life of a whole host of difficulties.

I have social anxiety disorder and am also an introvert - what you've described sounds like a disorder to me.

Oh - but I also want to mention I'm in my 50s now and feel much better than I did when I was younger (although I still worry somewhat). And I've managed to make a fair few friends.

OP, please don't beat yourself up about being a natural introvert. You don't have to have friends, it's ok to lead a solitary life if you prefer your own company. However it would be helpful to learn to cope with simple conversations and not to feel dread at the thought of speaking to people. I second seeing your GP and showing them what you have written here as you have expressed your concerns and explained your feelings very clearly. Wishing you the best of luck, l hope you can get some help.

I'm autistic and really struggle with eye contact and masking when I'm having a bad day. There are lots methods to help you cope with this. I've even been known to remove my contact lenses (glasses with me for backup) so I can't see close up when things are very bad.

You're being awfully harsh on yourself, OP. You do sound introverted as others have said. Nothing wrong with that.

I think I only like people and socialising in small doses. I can also find it difficult to be interested in them if that makes sense and I don't enjoy small talk. Though I'm oddly self confident. Strange mix possibly, or not.

Maybe ADHD?

The only way I think to combat this is to expose yourself more to it.
Speaking from experience.

Social anxiety-you can get help for this via GP and counselling. Practicing tiny interactions with people going about your day. Best of luck OP it will get better in time if you address it xx

Ever considered you may be autistic? Your OP is screaming autism.

You sound similar to me and I'm autistic OP.
Have you ever tried one of the online tests? It's not a diagnosis but it gives you the idea of the kind of traits that they look for.
embrace-autism.com/raads-r/#test

OP said she doesn’t want to feel this way, she feels awkward not being able to hold a conversation and likes the idea of having friends.

“The idea of having a close friend(s) or group of people that enjoy my company sounds lovely but when it comes to it, I don't want that. Friendships feel so demanding and draining to me (I'm in my late 20s now). I don't WANT to feel like this but I just can't help it.”

I don’t know if she has a partner or not but having your own set of friends even when you have a partner is invaluable. You can’t get everything from one person and without sounding pessimistic there is a high divorce rate or people stepping out of relationships for affairs. There’s various reasons you may need friends from a simple coffee chat to being there for you in need and vice Versa. It’s good to have friends, even if it’s just 2 or 3 that you see every couple of months.

Social skills are also helpful too in your career! I don’t befriend everyone in work and keep myself to myself overall, I prefer not to attend work drinks etc, but it’s good to be able to hold a 2 minute chat when someone you see at the coffee machine without feeling excessively stressed or super awkward.

I am an Introvert and ND, and i have my limits on socialising but I don’t think this is introversion at all, I think it’s social anxiety or perhaps ND mixed with anxiety.

OP, I think therapy and talking to GP would help a lot.

You're right @Lostcotter and others who suggested. Talking to a GP about anxiety and suicidal feelings would be a good idea, and start.

From your description you are very, very much like someone I know very well.
She is in her sixties now (so am I).
I have tried for so many years to encourage her to 'explore getting a bit of help'.
She never has.
You are so young.
Yes -it's fine to be ok being quiet/enjoying your own company etc.
If you're completely alright with that - fine.
But I think you know there's so much out there you are missing ... and maybe would like that not to be the case.
At least think about it.
I like the 'print off your original MN post on this thread' idea and show it to someone - GP would be a start, esp if you have a sympathetic one.
It's your life and your decision but the very fact you've put it on here implies to me that maybe you know there are alternative ways of living ... and maybe, just maybe, you'd like to try them.
You may be 'Neuro diverse'.
You may just be Very Shy.
Either way - see if you can talk this through with someone.
You deserve to be happy.
Good Luck 😘😘😘

No, that’s disordered, and nothing to do with ‘introversion’, a term continually misused on Mn. Absolutely talk to your GP. Have you ever had therapy? If you’d like to have friendships, you’ll need to work on yourself to shift focus and get out of your comfort zone. Good luck with it!

Thank you for everyone's replies. It's reassuring to know it can be normal to feel the way I do.

I'm sorry as I'm writing I can't remember who posted the link to the test for signs of autism. I took the test and received a score of 185. Thank you to the person that posted the link for that.

I'm definitely going to approach my GP and ask for advice about all of this. It's really taking it's toll on my daily life.

Thanks again everyone.