Both in early 50's and LTR. Due to work and personal trips my DH and I have only spent 3 days together in the last 4+ weeks (not a regular thing - just happened this way). He has been home 2 nights. Last night I came from work and could tell he was in a mood - we had the house to ourselves as our DS was out for a few hours, so there was an expectation we would have some time alone together - and yes, sex for the first time in 3 weeks. However he then told me that he had found (as he put it) loads of sex toys under my bed. I bought a clitoral stimulator a few weeks ago, for various reasons - he was away for 3 weeks, I've never liked vibrators and was intrigued to know what these did, and also I am not quite like I used on this department (not just sexually but with general pelvic floor strength and have an appointment with a pelvic floor physio booked in a weeks time). It was under the bed and zipped away in a cosmetics bag. His reaction to finding this has not been great. He has got all defensive about how it is just "not like me", that it must be because he can't please me (not true - I think we have a good sex life - we are just not 20 any more), but more than that essentially accused me of having an affair (he has over the years asked me if there is anyone else on multiple occasions - i have never given him any reason to doubt my fidelity). He even started gong on about a pair of shorts he found in the bedroom that weren't his (they are mine), saying "you don't wear shorts" !!??? We spoke for a bit afterwards and I felt it was a bit better - however, I don't believe for one second that we wasn't snooping - his reason for being there does not ring true to me, and I also felt I had to tell him about seeing the pelvic health specialist - something that I didn't want to discuss until I had had my appointment. There was also an incident a few weeks ago when he opened a letter to me from the hospital. I was away at the time and he told me - but I was really upset he did this - there was not reason for him to open this. When I explained that I was trying to get "it all" working like it used to - he said he couldn't see why i needed sex toys for that. I know this may make him feel not nice, and a threat to him but I am really upset by his reaction and snooping. I don't feel (if we have a regular sex life) that what I do by myself is any of his business. He also made a little "quip" in the evening of "are you coming to join me or stay an play with your toy" - said it was a joke but feel it is totally guilt tripping and shaming. For context - he is not a prude, I know he has watched loads of porn over the years (don't know if he still does) and has bought me vibrators in the past (I just didn't like them). He ended up getting up after a few hours and sleeping in the next room and then was just off with me this morning before we both went to work. Whilst I can appreciate he might not feel great about this I am really upset that I feel he is guilt tripping and punishing me for this. The people pleaser in me wants to make him feel better, but I also feel I need to stand my ground on my right to privacy (I do sometimes feel he has a sense of ownership towards me as I am his wife). Feeling rather numb about it all