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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband does unkind impressions of my parents

62 replies

SperaT · 04/10/2023 01:22

I don't like the way my husband talks about my parents.

He does impressions of them - of my mum being grumpy and no fun, which she isn't; and of my dad being weak and a pushover, which I know he isn't (he is kind but strong).

When we argue, he often talks about them and does impressions.

It really hurts me. I think because I see it as an attack on those I love.

Would this get to others too?

OP posts:

TheCentreSlide · 04/10/2023 22:10

I hope he sticks to that OP I doubt it.

It’s contempt. For them and you. Contempt is the relationship killer. With good reason.

Well done for speaking up.

Mmhmmn · 04/10/2023 22:15

Good, glad you've got him told. Watch him like a hawk for whatever else comes out of his mouth when you're arguing!

DynamicK · 04/10/2023 22:17

I wouldn't believe him.
He'll do it again. Especially now that he knows how much it upsets you.
This is the type of person he is.

MaxTalk · 04/10/2023 22:19

Sounds like he has seen elements of their character he may not like so wants to ensure you/him don't follow them hence highlighting his thoughts.

amberisola · 04/10/2023 22:32

That really is nasty behaviour.
Did you ask if others would find it hurtful because you wondered whether you were overreacting? Does he by any chance suggest that you are, or try to say it's just a joke? I hope not, and I hope that he really does see the problem and he stops doing it. But don't be surprised if he does it again, and I wouldn't blame you for losing interest in him either way!

autiebooklover · 04/10/2023 22:39

If he does it again I be tempted to say "my parents have a loving respectful relationship which is more than can be said for us!"

You know he does it to distract from the point of the argument? Probably because you are right

Younglady18 · 05/10/2023 05:20

Knock it on the head now! My husband was doing this 35 yrs ago in jest & I’ve paid the price with my kids.

stayathomer · 05/10/2023 05:36

we do it if each others parents op but unfortunately the difference is we’d never do it as an attack. My mum is an interesting character let’s say😉 and his mum has a habit of whenever we say we’re getting anything she’ll say it’s well for some etc (even when it’s something tiny she can afford- she laughs about it after, it’s just a habit), and we’ll impersonate both but never in a mean way. You need to properly talk to him and make him listen- it’s not ok

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2023 08:12

SperaT · 04/10/2023 22:08

Thank you everyone.

I have told him before that it upsets me,. He has then said 'i really respect your mum and dad, they're good people', but he's done it again.

The weird thing is that he only ever does it in an argument, when he's angry. It's to illustrate the point that either:

I have turned into my mum (a grumpy nag, according to his impersonations)
He is not like my dad (who he thinks is weak and a pushover).

I told him again tonight that it really upsets me. Thanks again for these comments - I used some of your words. He has promised he won't do it again.

I was just about to say this- he doesn't want their relationship dynamic or how he perceives it so is trying to train you to think it's bad,

You need to speak about it when not arguing them
Have a consequence for when he does it again that you'll follow through with

Montegufoni2017 · 05/10/2023 10:14

He’s trying to undermine your relationship with your parents. Huge red flag. He sounds nasty under the surface. Tell him not to do it or you’re off. If he does it again, get away from him!

OhMyGiddyAuntFanny · 24/06/2024 12:29

Unfortunately your DH is a very unkind man and is quite childish. He wants to hit you where it hurts the most - by degrading your lovely parents. Try and record him when he’s insulting your parents then play it back to him. Hopefully he’ll realise what an arse he’s being.

Danbury · 24/06/2024 15:24

If he continues to do it from this point on, tell him you find his childish behaviour a turn-off. I would be thinking about divorce, seriously. He sounds like a man-child.

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