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Relationships

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Original poster

work crush how to handle?

37 replies

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 22:26

Due to nature of my work I do not get to meet many people. Recently I had an opportunity to go to a meeting where I met a guy I work with on a project. Instant chemistry, the moment we saw each other in the lobby. Few hours meeting, all very professional discussing the project. Agreed all terms. He gives me his work mobile eventhough not necessary as we have a middle man on the project to communciate through. During the meeting a lot of smiles and body languge. Few times accidental arm/ hand touch whilst handling objects. End of meeting he says that if I need anything always feel free to call/ message him and that he will pop onto the site (project site) to see how things are. Mentions he may pop in with wife. (she is not relevant to the project, I think he just wanted to throw info to the mix). Few days later I get a friendly text message that he will pop onto the site. No wife. We talk and all very professional. Object handling and again he touches my hand twice, I can sense it was deliberate. Invites me for coffee. I decline politely due to time. Few days later I receive pleasant professional email. I am not writting a script here but he is absolutely gorgeous and my type. Perhaps I am reading too much into it? I remain cool. Please be gentle - what do you think?

OP posts:

JoinInBetty · 03/10/2023 22:37

Dont be that woman who can't resist the twat of a married man. Walk away. Delete his number.

Original poster

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 22:40

@JoinInBetty precisely why I declined his coffee invite. Just wondering what you girls think... .

OP posts:

category12 · 03/10/2023 22:54

That you should get out more and meet more people.

HernesEgg · 03/10/2023 22:56

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 22:40

@JoinInBetty precisely why I declined his coffee invite. Just wondering what you girls think... .

Think about what? Whether he’s proposing a one-on-one ‘trad’ affair, or a threesome with his wife in a Portakabin on the project site?

Original poster

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 22:56

@category12 I think it should be that married men should not behave in a certain way, right?

OP posts:

Farmageddon · 03/10/2023 22:58

Read all you want into it, but you're only going to get drawn into a drama that could get messy. He has a wife, you know this. So he's off limits.

Don't forget you may have to work with this guy again, so make sure you remain professional. Enjoy the crush and all, just don't mistake it for something else.

Farmageddon · 03/10/2023 23:00

Also, if he's absolutely gorgeous and has no qualms about shamelessly flirting with a woman he just met briefly on a project, you are probably not the first nor will you be the last.
He's putting the feelers out to see if he can get a bit on the side.
I feel sorry for his wife.

Original poster

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 23:07

@Farmageddon that is exactly what I thought - firstly about the wife. I was in her shoes. I do not want anyone to misinterpert what I wrote here. I think it is absolutely wrong his behaviour hence I declined even the casual coffee and I keep distance. This does not change the fact that he like many people is an attractive person. this is me just sharing thoughts here. I find it still shocking how many men behave the way they do and we put up with it / or not.

OP posts:

category12 · 03/10/2023 23:14

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 23:07

You phrased it all in quite a peculiar way if you're supposedly miffed about being approached by a married men -

Refusing a coffee suddenly becomes because it's absolutely wrong, not I decline politely due to time. as it was initially 😂

Due to nature of my work I do not get to meet many people. You need to change that so you're not in danger of being a berk over some married dipshit.

Farmageddon · 03/10/2023 23:20

To be honest OP I also read your first post as though you were flattered by the attention and almost considering something with him, I'm assuming that's incorrect based on your updates.

Just be distant and cold with him in future, he sounds like a scoundrel.

RoseAndRose · 03/10/2023 23:21

I'm not a girl, I'm a grown woman, and it's wrong and potentially career limiting move to flirt with a married man in the workplace.

Let the crush fade (it will in a fairly short amount of time, as long as you don't feed it). Do not call or message him. Answer work emails only when an answer is essential and keep it as brief as possible. Do not be alone with him. Flattering, perhaps, that he's behaving in ways that suggest he'd be interested; but who want to feel flattered by a creep?

shieldmaiden7 · 03/10/2023 23:32

The fact he clearly said he was married and then invited you for coffee shows what kind a man he is. He's a charmer and expected you to cave like probably lots of woman before you have and will after you. Don't fall for it.

Original poster

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 23:32

@Farmageddon oh no not flattered at all more like horrified. I think I worded myself too softly here. to see how people misread me makes me realise that.

And before anyone says 'yes but you wrote chemistry' correct - on that click with someone positive level. Anyone would mirror positive enthusiastic professional behaviour. But then you get to that point of pushing boundaries of personal space and here is where I felt off.

The crush was more to reflect his behaviour towards me not mine towards him although he is an atractive person but then a lot of people are and in masculine industry one wil get that anyway. digressing but for clarity.

OP posts:

pinkdelight · 03/10/2023 23:43

Enjoy the thoughts in your heat and don't for a moment confuse them with reality. He's You're already reading way too much into fleeting touches and not reading nearly enough into the hard fact that he's actually married. Even if he is flirting, that's not an appealing quality in a married man. Fancy the fantasy by all means, but the reality is unpleasant, messy and not remotely attractive.

pinkdelight · 03/10/2023 23:44

head not heat

Jellybean23 · 03/10/2023 23:44

He's sensed the chemistry and let you know he's married. So now he's testing the water to see if, with that knowledge, you are up for a relationship. That's what it looks like to me.

Thankgodforwine · 03/10/2023 23:55

I think he's married...end of story

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 04/10/2023 00:31

I had a crush on a colleague and we've been together for the last two years 😁

Backtracking · 04/10/2023 01:03

Oh come on op, you met the masculine builder about to do your project, by the sounds of it.

Doesn't matter if you think there's chemistry, he has a wife.

Stop day dreaming or you could get ripped off in more ways than one.
Keep it professional.

BrandNewTitsAndHusband · 04/10/2023 05:08

Men like him are always on the prowl for an affair partner. He will walk past an attractive woman and crush on her, then walk a bit and see another and try to chat her up. It's a sport to them.
I'd be offended he thinks I might be up for an affair and for it to be in a professional context shows he only thinks with his cock. You really do need to go out more, when you have a full life you don't get swept up by attention from guys like that.

Blueeyedmale · 04/10/2023 05:15

OP it will be another one of those my marriage is over its a sexless marriage excuse don't be that other woman,he's being very disrespectful to his wife don't fall for the charms of someone like this

Buildingthefuture · 04/10/2023 05:22

I think men like him give me the ick. They are, quite literally, common as muck. A bit of flirting, some “accidental” touches, then drop in a mention of the wife. This is man speak (this kind of man anyway) for “I’m married, no intention of leaving but fancy a bit on the side. Are you game”? This kind of shite behaviour closes both my mind and legs to twats like this, he wouldn’t be getting anywhere near me. I’d be coldly professional and he will soon move on.

CoffeeChocolateandBooks · 04/10/2023 05:32

He knows without doubt the affect he has on women.
you would see a very different side of him in time.

something2say · 04/10/2023 06:43

I met a man like this. He was married and they had two children and she did the bulk of that while he flew around the world, and he told me he had hundreds of affairs in those years married. What if this guy is like that? If one is inexperienced with people like him, the attention can be dangerous. Turn away and let it fade. And find someone better - MUCH more fun!

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2023 07:51

What does it matter if he's coming onto you or not??

He's not single.

I agree with the other posters that he dropped the wife info. in to see if you were up for it, in spite of knowing that he's married.

Men who act like this are rarely isolated in their behaviour.

You're single - he's a waste of your time. Most married men don't leave their wives for bits on the side, you'll just be left crying.

And in the extremely unlikely situation that he did leave, you'd just have gotten a cheater as a partner.

Look after yourself and try to meet a single man. Also get more social contacts ..... It's not good to not have enough contact with other ppl. Makes you more vulnerable to situations like this.

He's just a red herring and time waster. In fact men like this just remind me of that song that's being played everywhere ATM; "dream crusher, blood sucker". Theyre predators and you are prey. They'll just waste your time and emotion, leave you feeling used, fooled, and low value.

They're usually wrapped up in a nice sexy package, of course; wouldn't get the opportunities with women if they weren't.
Forget about that, there are other men you could be attracted to out there, who aren't flirting, inappropriate married cheaters.

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