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Relationships

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work crush how to handle?

37 replies

cowshedtea · 03/10/2023 22:26

Due to nature of my work I do not get to meet many people. Recently I had an opportunity to go to a meeting where I met a guy I work with on a project. Instant chemistry, the moment we saw each other in the lobby. Few hours meeting, all very professional discussing the project. Agreed all terms. He gives me his work mobile eventhough not necessary as we have a middle man on the project to communciate through. During the meeting a lot of smiles and body languge. Few times accidental arm/ hand touch whilst handling objects. End of meeting he says that if I need anything always feel free to call/ message him and that he will pop onto the site (project site) to see how things are. Mentions he may pop in with wife. (she is not relevant to the project, I think he just wanted to throw info to the mix). Few days later I get a friendly text message that he will pop onto the site. No wife. We talk and all very professional. Object handling and again he touches my hand twice, I can sense it was deliberate. Invites me for coffee. I decline politely due to time. Few days later I receive pleasant professional email. I am not writting a script here but he is absolutely gorgeous and my type. Perhaps I am reading too much into it? I remain cool. Please be gentle - what do you think?

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2023 07:58

Also - best not to get the rep of being the "girl" who fucks married colleagues/contacts in your workplace.

No matter what you achieve, it will be overshadowed by that.

Men gossip just as much as women ime, and love a bit of salacious, sexual gossip.

HernesEgg · 04/10/2023 08:02

@GilbertMarkham, I always mishear that song’s lyrics as

BLOOD SUCKER
DREAM CRUSHER
BLEEDING ME DRY LIKE A DAMP VAMPIRE

My 11 year old finds this outrageous.

Agree entirely with the rest of your post. The OP seems to see his overt reference to his marriage while flirting as evidence he’s helplessly attracted to her against his will, rather than a low-grade, insulting fishing expedition to see how low her self-esteem is.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 04/10/2023 08:45

After reading your op again, I'm not sure he's done anything wrong. The body language etc is just your perception. The smiles are normal. The hand touching can easily happen.

Lampzade · 04/10/2023 08:48

Farmageddon · 03/10/2023 23:20

To be honest OP I also read your first post as though you were flattered by the attention and almost considering something with him, I'm assuming that's incorrect based on your updates.

Just be distant and cold with him in future, he sounds like a scoundrel.

Me too
I thought that Op appeared to be flattered.
Anyway Op, he is a married man looking for a quick shag . Don’t waste anymore time analysing his behaviour

Loubelle70 · 04/10/2023 08:55

Most men can pull the charming card if theyre trying to pull, wife or not. Tell him, with respect ,from a professional stance , he will understand that youll go through that 'middle man' you mentioned to avoid any misinterpretation

Redlarge · 04/10/2023 09:14

He's got a wife. End of story.

KitchenSinkLlama · 04/10/2023 09:39

Why did you call him a crush if you aren't flattered OP? 🤔

DRS1970 · 04/10/2023 09:44

Don't go down that path for three reasons...

  1. He is married!
  2. He is married!
  3. HE HAS A WIFE!!!
RaisedByHedgehogs · 04/10/2023 09:46

KitchenSinkLlama · 04/10/2023 09:39

Why did you call him a crush if you aren't flattered OP? 🤔

I was about to ask this.

Taketurn · 04/10/2023 09:47

Well he's married so what exactly is the point of this thread?

RaisedByHedgehogs · 04/10/2023 09:53

Oh hang on, you think he’s got a crush on you? Nah. He’s probably like this with loads of women. As it’s bothering you, I would delete his number from your phone and only communicate through the middle man. If he touches you again, tell him not to. Definitely don’t go for coffee. Keep it professional & he’ll move on.

He’s mentioning his wife to see if you’ll flirt/more with a married man. Then he absolves himself of responsibility. “I said I had a wife! Totally transparent, I am.”

(if he doesn’t stop behaving unprofessionally, complain to his manager.)

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2023 09:59

You're thinking about his behaviour towards you and of course it's flattering when someone shows they're attracted to us.

There is a level of unavoidable, unintentional showing of physical attraction to others, which we all experience whether we're Inna relationship or not; this sounds like it's going beyond that.

In that case your focus shouldn't be on how he's acting towards you (which is unfair, he's partly responsible for creating a crush ... while he's not a single man).... It should be on how he's acting towards that wife he dropped into conversation.

Ateotd he shares a home a bed, a dining table, his life, visits to in-laws, holidays etc etc with her, she's possibly laundered the shirts he's wearing while popping in to see you. Focus on what that says about his behaviour and character. Not fair or appropriate towards her, (and not fair or appropriate towards you). That's all you need to know about him.

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