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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Older .......younger relationship

27 replies

ranger722000 · 02/10/2023 21:10

So here is the deal. I'm 51 yoa and a 21 yoa has taken interest in me. That being said, we have only gone on trips where she always wants to bring a friend. YES......I pay for the hotels/flights/dining for all of us to include the friend. She always states she wants to go on trips with me and is very enthusiastic, but like I said in the few trips we have been on she always insists on being and friend and I always honor her request for a separate room. We all have a great time and they are very thankful.

So the question: Am I just an idiot for going along with this?? Is there even a chance that a 51 YOA and a 21 YOA could even have a relationship. Again....we have only been a few trips.

In the end maybe I should just end it......or maybe keep going and see where it goes??

Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 02/10/2023 21:14

Do you enjoy being a sugar daddy? If you can accept that she doesn't love you, she loves your wallet, but you enjoy the company while it lasts, knock yourself out.

Coffeeandanap · 02/10/2023 21:16

This isn’t going anywhere sorry, she’s bringing her friend so that they can both enjoy these trips at your expense. Just end it, she’s using you

Docke · 02/10/2023 21:18

There’s no fool like an old fool.

TicTacNicNak · 02/10/2023 21:19

Are you serious? I find it vile the thought of a 51 year old with a 21 year old. That's way too much of an age gap.

I doubt very much she'd be interested in a sexual relationship with a much older man, sounds like she's just using you as a sugar daddy, and you're daft enough to go along with it.

SherbetLemonn · 02/10/2023 21:19

Docke · 02/10/2023 21:18

There’s no fool like an old fool.

Beat me to it.

AgnesX · 02/10/2023 21:19

You really have to ask, what are you getting out of this?

OIDespair · 02/10/2023 21:19

Have there been any indications that she is romantically interested in you? You say she's showing an interest in you but in what way? Apart from allowing you to pay for her and her friend to accompany you on trips. Why are you paying anyway? How did you meet her?
All those questions aside... sorry to say but I would be very cynical of the chances of this being either genuine or lasting, not with that kind of age gap.

YokoOnosBigHat · 02/10/2023 21:21

I'm a teacher. I'm imagining that this is just as tedious as taking kids on a school trip. I mean, what do you even talk about? You were born when Callaghan was warming up to be Prime Minister. By the time she was born he had been out of office for 23 years and dead for 12!

As tedious as a school trip and you're paying for it to boot. She's seen you coming mate, end this little arrangement and get back in your own dating lane.

MMmomDD · 02/10/2023 21:26

You are 51, way to young to have lost your marbles to be really asking this question.

However - i believe that consenting adults are free to do whatever they want.
If everybody is happy and having fun - why not have travel companions.

HoneyBadgerMom · 02/10/2023 21:31

Docke · 02/10/2023 21:18

There’s no fool like an old fool.

Yep. There's also "A fool and his money are soon parted."

Bramblehedge · 02/10/2023 21:31

Not sure who's more sickening, her or you! She's using you and has no intention of a relationship. Her and her friend are probably laughing behind your back and I suspect do this to a lot of older men. What a great advert for women they are.
You sir, are a sleaze for even contemplating a relationship with her. Take that giant ego of yours and walk away very quickly. Unless of course as others have said you are happy to be a sugar daddy, in which case you are basically buying her company.

Insommmmnia · 02/10/2023 21:34

Why on earth would you be interested in this? Have you set the bar so low for yourself that you can only imagine buying companionship and not having someone interested in you for you?

Get yourself some self respect and either learn to love yourself and be enough for yourself or at the very least find someone who actually likes you.

NeedToThinkOfOne · 02/10/2023 21:35

YokoOnosBigHat · 02/10/2023 21:21

As tedious as a school trip and you're paying for it to boot. She's seen you coming mate, end this little arrangement and get back in your own dating lane.

👏🏼🤣 the best response I’ve seen in a long time @YokoOnosBigHat

Aerin1999 · 02/10/2023 21:35

On the one hand, in general I agree with all the previous posters…but on the other hand - I am 45 and having a very good (casual) time with a 26 year old man. And he isn’t after my wallet (his own is bigger than mine). So I’m a little torn. But I would not ask about it on mumsnet…

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 02/10/2023 21:47

Yuk🤮🤮🤮🤮
That is all!

Mountaineer0009 · 02/10/2023 21:52

omg

Burntouted · 03/10/2023 00:53

She wants your wallet, not you. She isn't interested in anything else.

What are your motives for becoming involved with a barely legal, was just recently attending high school young woman?? Are you going through a life crisis?? You want to try and mold her into your ideal woman???

Do you feel like single women in your age bracket are attractive, exciting, worth getting to know, and possibly date??

You have very low self esteem and self respect, and have lowered the bar for yourself by allowing yourself to be treated as a cash cow.

It's sad that you don't love nor think highly of yourself. Perhaps therapy would be beneficial.

I have nothing against age gap relationships and strictly transactional meetings with two or more mature consenting adults..

..but you're chasing after something unobtainable.

Get into therapy. Leave this young woman alone.

Get yourself together. Find someone perhaps in your age bracket when you're healthy.

Undercoat · 03/10/2023 01:28

I bet you’re older than her dad
end it now

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/10/2023 01:47

OK so I got my knuckles rapped for troll-hunting so I will be good.

SoRainbowRhythms · 03/10/2023 02:17

4/10 for your first post.

Laalaala · 03/10/2023 03:49

Aerin1999 · 02/10/2023 21:35

You're close in age with mine and DP's parents and they're grandparents to our child. We're close to your boyfriend's age.

Anyway, this woman is taking advantage of OP and only wants free holidays for her and her friend. OP needs to find a woman closer to his age.

Aerin1999 · 03/10/2023 03:50

Laalaala · 03/10/2023 03:49

You're close in age with mine and DP's parents and they're grandparents to our child. We're close to your boyfriend's age.

Anyway, this woman is taking advantage of OP and only wants free holidays for her and her friend. OP needs to find a woman closer to his age.

Show quote history

I agree…

Mountaineer0009 · 03/10/2023 04:56

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/10/2023 01:47

OK so I got my knuckles rapped for troll-hunting so I will be good.

not every post that we think is omg, is auto a troll, ect.

Naunet · 03/10/2023 08:22

Fucking grim. Her brain hasn’t even finished developing yet, stop being a creep.

greyhairnomore · 04/10/2023 07:46

You're not in a relationship, they're using you ( and probably laughing about it )

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