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Original poster

Men are extra children

30 replies

Autismmummyof2 · 02/10/2023 17:25

My fiancé and I have been together nearly 5 years. We don't live together but he is at mine 90% of the time. I've got 2 DD from a previous relationship, so they stay at their Dad's every fortnight. When they do go, I always go over to fiancé's for that weekend.
So even though he's with me, technically I'm still single parenting. I do everything for DDs and I don't expect him to do anything because they aren't his, however he does help out if I need/ask him to, he never offers.
I haven't had a proper break, since I don't know when, DDs stayed with their Dad for a week at the beginning of the 6 weeks but I had to go to fiancé's Uncles funeral out of town, so I did nothing for myself. Since school has started I've been quite unwell and every weekend I've had off, I've ended up doing something or other because HE wants/needs to. I've got a UTI now and it was my weekend with DDs, so I've had to bear the pain. I asked fiancé to cook dinner yesterday and he fuked off all day and brought my car back with no petrol. Still feeling unwell today I decided to go back to bed for a bit after the school run. This guy woke me up 3 times for various reasons and when I got up pissed he had the cheek to ask me why I'm mad. I didn't say anything. This weekend I want to go away by myself and turn my phone off and reset my brain (or even stay at home without him) but then I'll be accused of cheating.

Help, what do I do?

OP posts:
binkie163 · 02/10/2023 17:38

Do exactly what you want to, if he doesn't like it then it doesn't seem to be working for you.
You get to have a say in your life.

perfectcolourfound · 02/10/2023 17:43

Just do what you need to do.

Life doesn't have to be like this. You don't have to be with someone who doesn't care, or pull their weight. Being single is a much better place to be. And plenty of men aren't like that... plenty will pull their weight equally. Don't think you have to stay with this one because you wouldn't find any better.

Denis44 · 02/10/2023 17:49

I’m also a single mum. It’s difficult isn’t it. We really don’t need additional children. have you talked to him that you need him to step up? What was the outcome?

NoSquirrels · 02/10/2023 17:51

Does he have good points? Because he doesn’t sound like a great person to be in a relationship with.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/10/2023 17:54

How long has this person been your fiance?.

Make this man your ex by now ending this awful relationship. Who wants someone like this, a person who will all too readily accuse you of cheating. There is really no point at all in you being together now.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/10/2023 17:55

Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 02/10/2023 17:57

What do you do?

You dump his sorry arse.

He accuses you of cheating? In the bin. We don’t need men like that in our lives.

squareyedannie · 02/10/2023 17:57

I do wonder how often this happens in relationships. One person always seems to end up taking on way more than the other.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/10/2023 17:59

He is a user, git rid and welcome some peace in your life.

Millybob · 02/10/2023 18:03

A man who accuses you of cheating when you take some time out for yourself? Bin him.

HoneyBadgerMom · 02/10/2023 18:05

Blech, you get away from him. He's too difficult. He's not making your life better in any measurable way and seems to in fact be making it worse.

pinkfondu · 02/10/2023 18:10

Why do you think you would be accused of chef?

pinkfondu · 02/10/2023 18:10

*cheating

Devilsmommy · 02/10/2023 18:16

What a twat. Does he accuse you of cheating because he's got a guilty conscience? I'd seriously be telling him to do one

Bobbotgegrinch · 02/10/2023 18:18

but then I'll be accused of cheating.

Why the fuck are you with someone who will accuse you of cheating because you want some space, some time off?

I'm going to say something now that will get get me crucified on here, but not all men are like this.

I'm not saying this in defence of my sex, of men. I'm saying it because you don't have to put up with this.

You don't have to put up with a partner who adds to your stress and mental load, who acts like an extra child, and who insults your character if you dare to want some time off.

It's not the case that you may as well stick with this one, because if you dump him, then the next one will be exactly the same.

Ditch the twat, and then if you want to, find a man who is different.

TwilightSkies · 02/10/2023 18:20

You are completely martyring yourself. For what? What is the actual point?

MintJulia · 02/10/2023 18:23

Why would you want to be married to someone so selfish, useless and unreasonable?

Why would he accuse you of cheating?

Just dump him. Partners are supposed to enhance your life. He doesn't. Get rid.

wellandtruly · 02/10/2023 18:24

Just dump him. I don’t consider my OH an extra child.

IsNowTheTime · 02/10/2023 18:27

Your kids are not his responsibility.
If he’s so crap otherwise dump him.
You don’t have to put up with him. I hate hate hate the attitude of some women that men are additional kids, don’t mother them!!

Mom2K · 02/10/2023 18:53

Your kids are not his responsibility.

I don't agree with this if kids are young, he's engaged to their mother and he's going to be their step-dad. He's not just a boyfriend. He absolutely needs to step up and share some responsibility and the fact that he isn't doing so alone would absolutely be grounds do dump him.

Different story entirely if they were only dating with no plans to live together while the DD's are small.

In addition, he just sounds like a horrible person even if the DD's weren't part of the equation. Taking your car all day and returning it without petrol, repeatedly waking you up while sick and not showing any care or concern toward you. He is a fundamentally selfish, inconsiderate and freeloading person. Get rid.

baileys6904 · 02/10/2023 18:58

No, me aren't extra children.

They are adults that can look after themselves.

The fact that you're 3ven saying this shows u are enabling poor behaviour.

However the fact you have to see him otherwise he'll think you're cheating just shows what a controlling abusive arse he is. Dump him

IsNowTheTime · 02/10/2023 18:59

@Mom2K very different opinion if he were a she and about to be a stepmum. So many MN users tell stepmums they shouldn’t interfere or step up.

RantyAnty · 02/10/2023 19:20

It sounds like the only thing he brings is stress and extra work.

Tell him to go home.

Onelifeonly · 02/10/2023 19:23

He sounds horrible. Laziness is one thing (a huge source of stress actually) but to accuse you of cheating for wanting to stay home alone is totally unforgivable.

CalistoNoSolo · 02/10/2023 20:25

Firstly, your children are not his problem. Secondly, without him you would have time 'off' when your children are with their father. Thirdly, wtf are you doing with this waste of space - taking YOUR car all day and bringing it back with an empty fuel tank? That alone is excellent grounds for dumping his arse from a great height.

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