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Original poster

What does ’romantic’ mean (to you)?

32 replies

NameAU1 · 29/09/2023 15:12

I’m an idiot, that’s why I am asking a stupid question like this.

But when people write they are / their husband is very romantic or that they want romance….
What does that actually mean and entail?

If it’s just an euphemism to sex, then no need to say it.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 29/09/2023 15:14

Stepping up and being a man, which means sharing the load

I don't give a shit about flowers

Thinkbiglittleone · 29/09/2023 15:23

Romantic to me is making me feel loved. Making me feel a priority and doing something that shows this.

5128gap · 29/09/2023 15:24

I think its just a term people use to describe behaviour that makes them feel valued by a man, because he's gone to some sort of effort to please them in some way.
Some would apply it to the stereotypical gestures of buying flowers or other gifts, trips to beautiful locations etc. Others apply it to more personal to them acts, going all out to find them a rare book they want for example. Others to things a man says to them.
Basically to be romantic he needs to do something you like and that requires some degree of thoughtfulness on his part.

SoundTheSirens · 29/09/2023 15:43

Being thoughtful, putting himself out a little/putting you first, making an effort to please you by doing/giving you something you'll appreciate (not something he thinks you should have that you're not bothered about!), expressing his positive feelings for you with sincerity.

My husband is romantic. He gives me flowers 'just because', he finds and writes lovely poems in cards for me, buys me the latest book by my favourite authors; he also defrosts my car unasked on winter mornings, makes me a hot drink when I've been out in the cold, switches my electric blanket on for me on cold nights so the bed is warm by the time I go up...lots of little thoughtful things like that.

(You can tell I hate being cold more than anything, can't you? 😂)

purplesparklydinosaur · 29/09/2023 18:42

Showing me that they are thinking of me and caring for me. For me, that looks like working out with me, sharing a few drinks in bed cuddled up at the weekend, having interesting conversations with me.

Gloriously · 29/09/2023 18:48

Can women be ‘romantic’ to men - and what would this look like?

I love my husband dearly and show him kindness and respect 24/7 - I am not sure I am romantic towards him tho?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 29/09/2023 18:48

For me it means making the time for me, he's currently working abroad, long days so he's ringing me when he gets up and at my bedtime when he's still at work just to chat and wish me good night. He cares enough to keep track of the time it is for me.

TooTiredToType77 · 29/09/2023 18:56

Personally...my husband brings me tea in bed in the morning in the week and let's me sleep in at the weekend. I get his car washed when I can / remember...makes him v happy (I could care less!). He also checks my car (oil, tyres etc) without me asking...so being thoughtful and kind and putting yourself out a bit for the other person

StowOnTheWold · 29/09/2023 18:58

@coxesorangepippin Sharing the load isn't romantic.

All the rest are romantic.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 29/09/2023 18:59

I think it's stereotypical lovey-dovey hearts-and-flowers stuff and I don't like it.

Bowbobobo · 29/09/2023 19:01

He remembers that I can’t eat onions or garlic and adapts recipes accordingly. And he makes tea in bed every day.

PoppyBlunt · 29/09/2023 19:03

Guess it depends on your Love Language

Pandora55 · 29/09/2023 19:36

For me it's the thought he puts into doing things that make me so happy.

Like taking me away on a special occasion to the place that is special to us.

Bringing me little treats he finds when he works away.

He rings me every single day on his lunch break, just a two minute chat, but it makes me feel that he's thinking of me when we are apart. I like that.

I've been sick recently and he's took care of everything naturally but he's also gone and got me some fruit juices and soup. Felt him tucking me in when he came to bed after me, prepared me some lunch and left it in the fridge for me before he went to work.

I mentioned that there was a film I'd loved as a child that I couldn't find anywhere! This week he's turned up with the film on dvd after he hunted it down. We will watch it tomorrow just us and I'll treat him to his favourite dinner.

He just takes that time to really make me feel listened to.

I spoil him too lol

25 years together next Easter. He's the best

RandomForest · 29/09/2023 20:51

Oh, it has to involve a beach, with two writhing bodies, sensually holding one another at the shoreline and the waves gently ebbing and flowing between our lithe bodies.
Preferably with the Willaim Tell overture playing in the background and our perfectly timed orgasms would be reached when the music reached it's natural crucedo.

Unfortunately I live in a land locked county so....

Probably a nice cup of tea when you're knackered would hit the spot.

randomrandom · 29/09/2023 21:57

I imagine its different for different people - personally I'm not a big one for hearts and flowers or big romantic gestures as I find them all thoughtless and cliche

Romance to me is the little (often mundane) things that show I'm loved. A cup of tea in the morning, making sure the meatballs are fairly shared out, defrosting my car for me in the morning because he doesn't want me to be cold etc

In return I'll buy him his favourite cupcake if I see it, or charge his headphones for him

We also have regular dates and experiences together

randomrandom · 29/09/2023 21:59

If someone wrote me a poem, or made me listen to them serenading me with their guitar, I think I'd vomit in my mouth a little. Some people would LOVE that though

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 29/09/2023 22:06

Guess it depends on your Love Language

I find the whole concept of love languages very silly.

Epidote · 29/09/2023 22:08

Romantic is when they think about you and try to figure out/ make an effort/ know what you like to make your life better. Its vary from flowers to a song/ a caprice/ a delight to a simple: you look tired today I know you said you were going to do lasagna but what if I cook a toasty instead. Next Friday shall we go for dinner? Going for a snack and fech you something.

Romantic is when someone take you into account as a priority.

CountessKathleen · 29/09/2023 22:18

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 29/09/2023 22:06

Guess it depends on your Love Language

I find the whole concept of love languages very silly.

Yes, it’s a deeply silly magazine-y concept by a man who has milked it for all it’s worth (The Five Languages of Apology? The Five Love Languages of children? The Five Languages of Workplace Appreciation?) that’s gone bafflingly mainstream, with little or no research base.
https://theconversation.com/love-languages-are-hugely-popular-but-theres-very-little-evidence-they-exist-at-all-198065

On the other hand, if someone I’d gone on a date with started talking about love languages to me, it would be a signal he wasn’t for me.

Love languages are hugely popular – but there's very little evidence they exist at all

Love languages – the concept coined by Baptist pastor Gary Chapman some 30 years ago – has taken the relationships world by storm.

https://theconversation.com/love-languages-are-hugely-popular-but-theres-very-little-evidence-they-exist-at-all-198065

randomuser2021 · 29/09/2023 22:21

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

dudsville · 29/09/2023 22:26

An example from my life. I was stretching a pair of shoes and had left them in the sun as a part of the process. Obviously the sun moved whilst I was out. I came home to my dh having moved my shoes to a new patch of sun. Stepping up, being an active partner in the making of our life together, is the minimum. It's the countless small thoughtful acts like the shoes that I consider romantic.

QPWO · 29/09/2023 22:32

Is this the recurring thread on ‘I want romance but not sex but don’t want to listen to any suggestions that I look at dating options where I could meet other asexuals’? Or have I just spent too long on mumsnet now?

RunnyPaint · 29/09/2023 22:38

Possibly reading my own preferences into answers given in this thread, but, erm, yes, tea is pretty important...

HandbagMarinara · 29/09/2023 22:41

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 29/09/2023 18:59

I think it's stereotypical lovey-dovey hearts-and-flowers stuff and I don't like it.

Agree, it is lazy imo

Merrymermaid7 · 29/09/2023 22:50

That's very heartwarming xx