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Original poster

He made a joke about being a narcissist

46 replies

Crossaintqueen · 28/09/2023 22:51

Do you believe that people tell you who they are?

Speaking to someone new and he made a joke out of the blue about being a narcissist. It wasn’t really relevant to the conversation we were having and it gave me pause for thought. So far there have been a few red flags but nothing major. Just wanting to hear thoughts/ opinions.

OP posts:
Californiabound · 28/09/2023 22:55

They really do. You are are having doubts, listen to yourself.

redastherose · 28/09/2023 22:55

No idea if it's true but most narcissists think there is nothing wrong with them and don't believe they are narcissists.

thatwassociopathic · 28/09/2023 22:56

My ex knew fine he was a narc. Run.

Findyourneutralspace · 28/09/2023 22:57

Context is needed but it doesn’t sound great on the face of it

AutumnFroglets · 28/09/2023 22:59

If he's showing even ONE red flag you should run. Otherwise how many is enough??

Californiabound · 28/09/2023 22:59

Honestly these blokes literally do tell you who they are half the time, explicitly in simple words, but we excuse things and think they are joking. Run away, very fast.

Original poster
Crossaintqueen · 28/09/2023 23:12

Yes I’ve heard this too

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 28/09/2023 23:33

Yes, mine did and it seems to have turned out to be true.

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that a psychologist acid test is to ask them if they are one and there's a high chance they would say they are because that would deem themselves as special, rather than flawed or bad like most people would.

That could be a load of nonsense but I'm sure I read that in a few places.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2023 23:35

So far there have been a few red flags but nothing major.

Fucking hell, isn't that enough? Are you going to wait for disaster until you're convinced?

MzHz · 28/09/2023 23:36

What are the red flags @Crossaintqueen ?

they ALWAYS start out small.

afrikat · 28/09/2023 23:39

What do you mean by a few red flags? I've been with my husband for 14 years and had zero

RantyAnty · 29/09/2023 05:59

Block and delete him

GreyCarpet · 29/09/2023 07:53

I suspect the other red flags are more of an issue and this is just the latest.

If you're spotting red flags, why are you bothering?

Original poster
Crossaintqueen · 29/09/2023 08:06

The red flags are

  1. very obsessed with appearances. Has told me multiple times how nice his house is and how expensive his car is. His house is nice but…it’s still just a house? I don’t know. I’m not a keeping up with the joneses person and he is.
  2. Doesn’t listen to me but it’s not necessarily in mean way. For instance, I told him I was too tired to go to the cinema. He said ok then booked tickets anyway and convinced me to go. Has done this about other stuff too like buying me expensive gifts when I’ve asked him not to.
  3. Isnt close to any of his family and only has 1 friend that he’s known for 10 years.
OP posts:
Startingagainandagain · 29/09/2023 08:14

With your additional updates I would say he definitely sounds at the very least self-centered and thoughtless.

If he is full blown narcissist, he is likely to become abusive.

I would listen to your instincts and dump him.

LemonLimeDivine · 29/09/2023 08:18

One red flag is enough. Walk away.
When someone tells you / shows you who they are, pay attention.

GreyCarpet · 29/09/2023 08:20

OK well

1 sounds more like an incompatibility than a red flag per se. I know lots of people who are similar. But they're not for me

2 that would put me off

3 there are many reasons that could be.

But if it's throwing up concerns for you, that's what you need to pay attention to.

AgentJohnson · 29/09/2023 08:24

Oh FFS! MN gets so caught up with labels that posters completely forget their meaning. I’m no psychiatrist and haven’t met the man, therefore unable to diagnose a NPD but from what you’ve written about his behaviour, I diagnose him as being an arse. Which should be enough to stop dating him, which begs the question, why haven’t you already done so?

When this man totally disregarded your want not to go to the cinema by booking the tickets and railroading you into going, he did so intentionally because his wants are his priority. This doesn’t necessarily make him a narcissist but it does make him a personality type to avoid.

Rainbowshine · 29/09/2023 08:25

If you take the cinema example and transfer it to another situation, what happens if he tries to initiate sex and you say not today I’m tired? And he carries on because it’s what he wants. This man doesn’t respect when you say no. In his mind his wants are more important than your needs. You don’t need a label or official diagnosis to feel that he’s not right for you. His actions just on this would put me off.

Watchkeys · 29/09/2023 08:37

If you see a red flag, you drop the person. What do you think a red flag is?

If someone's behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable at all when you're getting to know them, why do you think you should keep getting to know them?

CheekyHobson · 29/09/2023 08:39

Crossaintqueen · 29/09/2023 08:06

The red flags are

  1. very obsessed with appearances. Has told me multiple times how nice his house is and how expensive his car is. His house is nice but…it’s still just a house? I don’t know. I’m not a keeping up with the joneses person and he is.
  2. Doesn’t listen to me but it’s not necessarily in mean way. For instance, I told him I was too tired to go to the cinema. He said ok then booked tickets anyway and convinced me to go. Has done this about other stuff too like buying me expensive gifts when I’ve asked him not to.
  3. Isnt close to any of his family and only has 1 friend that he’s known for 10 years.

Oh, you're dating my ex. All the best with that.

ShakeVigorouslyNow · 29/09/2023 08:45

I do believe they tell you who they are and the fact he said it out of context as well...mamma Mia!

  1. I think that's insecurity and vanity, materliasm... some people care about appearances and material possessions..it's not a red flag I agree it's an incompatiof values and priorities in life
  1. That's a huge fucking red flag
  1. Meh, loads of people like that due to arsehole families. I'd rather someone has the balls to cut the cord with toxic family or low contact than keep fake friends and be a doormat to a horrid family just because its family.
Anothagoatthis · 29/09/2023 08:49

I agree with all this @ShakeVigorouslyNow I’d see the cinema ticket incident as the only real red flag 🚩…. But it’s big enough that I probably wouldn’t hang about to look for more

Summonedbybees · 29/09/2023 08:52

People who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder are very rare. Today we use the expression, 'narc' to describe unpleasant people. We all have some narcissistic traits . Many successful people have a narcissistic personality
Many narcissists can often be very successful in the workplace. This is due to their charisma, extreme self-confidence, and willingness to take big risks.
Amy Moran, psychology today
OP, you don't like your boyfriend and you find him overbearing. That is as good a reason as any to finish with him.
He is unlikely to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder but may well be a self absorbed dick. Don't try and self diagnose disorders. Just leave him.

KandieKaine · 29/09/2023 08:54

I think men are more narcissistic / selfish than women due to testosterone.

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