What are the signs that a man has "checked out" of a relationship / marriage?

[butterballmoll]

I think with affairs it might be clearer that they are going off to meet someone, or guarding their phone, changing how they dress or picking holes in you and your relationship so they can discard you when the time comes but if a man just "checks out" of the relationship he can be present and not having affairs but just not actually involved in the relationship anymore or family life if kids are involved.

What signs would you say were present if a man has checked out of the marriage?

He doesn’t want to go anywhere with you, doesn’t want to discuss any plans or go on holidays, spends all his time on his phone, doesn’t engage with the kids

He doesn’t share in your excitement about future plans.

He resents you.

Came on to say he resents you. Literally my exact position now.

He hides himself away in another room and doesn't spend time with you or you & the kids when he is the house, he selfishly pursues his own hobbies/interests with no regard for whether you have time for yours, he doesn't pay attention when you try talking to him, he doesn't ask you questions about what's going on with you, he doesn't look you properly in the eyes when he is actually talking to you, he never compliments you or notices anything about you e.g. new clothes/hair, he doesn't initiate plans and appears to only grudgingly go along with plans you have made, he doesn't discuss the future with you, he doesn't make you feel loved, respected or cherished .
As you may have guessed, I have been there and writing that down was quite cathartic!
If any of this rings true for you then consider ending your relationship because you are worth so much more. Xx

Thanks everyone, sadly much of this is ringing true 😪I keep wondering if it is just stress or something but perhaps he just isn't interested anymore.

Yep he's always playing a game on his tablet and if I need him or want to talk to him its like he is a bored teenager being asked to set the table by his mum.

Not caring about future plans.

Barely listening when you talk and definitely no active listening or engaging with you.

Lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom. Will initiate it if he wants it but often feels routine and dull.

Spending more and more time with friends or doing hobbies. Anything other than spending time with you.

When you are at home, just staring at the TV or doom scrolling on his phone.

General feeling that he’s just going through the motions and if he does say or do anything nice it feels like it’s just routine to keep things on an even keel.

Most of it is just gut instinct. You can feel that he’s checked out.

"Most of it is just gut instinct. You can feel that he’s checked out."

@Specso Like if I am asking about it he probably has? I know this I just wanted examples but I already feel it.

The not listening and not looking me in the eyes when we were supposed to be communicating really did my head in.

It made me feel like I really didn't matter to him.
And I didn't as it turned out, he was screwing other women in hotel rooms while I was looking after his kids

A real Prince amongst men.

Not doing anything together, just rather go out on his own.
No interest in house stuff or planning anything
saying he’s tired and nodding off on sofa or going to bed early
On phone rather than watch something together

I was the one who checked out (no affair) and my ex described me as above when he finally had it out with me. I hadn’t really noticed my behaviour tbh. I was a coward. Head in sand.

I’ve known it happen in other relationships too, close friends’ relationships.

People assume affairs, physical or emotional, and they’re frequently right but definitely not always.

My ex ended it with me because he’d had enough of my apathy and he is now happily remarried to a very nice woman. He did me a favour. We are on good terms, I was chatting to him earlier oddly enough. If the relationship is truly moribund, end it amicably.

Definitely agree with gut instinct.

The relationship died around August 2022, it actually ended over a year later (very recently).

Listen to your gut and cut your losses.

🙄

this has to be the most upsetting and offensive post on here ever, shocking, even

enough Mumsnet for today

Seriously?

Women are also only human and aren't on this earth to please men.

People grow apart - it's life in many ways. As we get older, people are less accomodating - both men and women which has its difficulties.

Kids often ruin things too.

Wee poppets, bless them.

The same as for a woman I guess

Doesn’t want to spend time with you, or know what’s going on in your life. Isn’t happy to see you. Appears to be elsewhere even when in the same room. Prefers to be in another room when possible. Shows no enthusiasm when asked about future plans to do things. But does appear to be interested in parts of their life that don’t involve you.

Plus obviously lack of sexual interest.

I think it often shows up in malicious or spiteful comments and disrespectful behaviour that wasn’t there before, because once they check out it often turns into resentment or full blown hate.

That’s why I’ve always ran from situations where I feel the man has switched up on me and no longer looks at me with love or affection.

Words and actions weren’t adding up.

it genuinely felt like he didn’t give a toss about anything

What did Elvic say in their post, why was it deleted? Could someone PM me?