I have been with my husband for years, we have 2 young children and l am about to go back to work after maternity leave. I have gone back quite quickly due to money concerns, us not getting on very well especially due to the way he speaks to me. I admit l do feel a bit of resentment about this. There have also been rows about division of chores e.g. he reckons it isn't possible for us to do ANYTHING but the bare bare minimum at the weekend when he is off work e.g. cooking, washing up etc. But somehow l can do it in the week when l am on my own with 2 young children -l am yet to get an explanation from him that explains how that works. The dynamic often feels like me living with 2 young children and my teenage son -he always wants to do the bare minimum, stopping him doing dangerous stuff e.g. putting bouncers on tables with baby in etc.
Last night he started asking me what would l do to induce him to take better care of his personal hygiene. l have made it clear l am grossed out by his long black toenails, have stopped washing his pants when he hasn't wiped his bum properly and they are stained. I obviously said well, none. You keeping on top of your personal hygiene is on you, l don't need to persuade or reward you for doing it. He is 40 years old after all! He is then annoyed and said l need to be "more sensitive". I said you have no medical problem, l even suggested you go to the GP but you declined. He thinks l am being unreasonable and pushed for an inducement for him to be better kempt. Like l said to him if l left my used sanitary towels on the floor, l doubt you would be offering inducements and instead would tell me to stop being so grim!
To add insult to injury he starts making sexual advances when we go to bed which l make clear l am not in the mood for. Funnily enough our discussion and his reaction wasn't very attractive to me. I woke up this morning having slept badly after strange dreams, weirdly enough after dreams of trying to buy a flat as we had split up and gone our separate ways.