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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I like my new boss

34 replies

Autumnleaves10 · 27/09/2023 06:59

I like my new boss and can't stop thinking about him. Ive only been working there for 4 weeks. Tbh he is very good looking and comes across as kind but I have a partner and he's married. Our relationship has been purely professional but I can't help but constantly think about him and I get so awkward when he talks to me. We cross paths often but don't directly work with each other.

Tbh my relationship has not been great. We have been together almost 3 years and through out its been pretty rocky. I'm not a home wrecker so would never act on the way I feel about my boss. Just need to stop feeling like this about him

OP posts:
Epidote · 27/09/2023 07:18

It may be the novelty, just let it go. You have been there only 4 weeks.
Work in your relationship to see if it can be in a better place, focus on that and your actual work.

jeaux90 · 27/09/2023 07:25

If your relationship is in a crap place you might just be projecting and wondering what a decent one could look like.

Have you considered splitting and focusing on you and your life? Your career?

GilbertMarkham · 27/09/2023 07:59

You need to sort out your own relationship. Why is it unstable?
Maybe you just need to leave.

This is your job and income so it's of the utmost importance that you act professionally.

He is married, and he has probably been the recipient of crushes before.

Anyway he's human, he farts, poos, scratches himself, has annoying habits, might not be anywhere near ax nice as a person as he seems. Just imagine him on the toilet.

Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 27/09/2023 19:20

Thing is atm my relationship has been ok. There's so much going on in my life atm. I think because he asks how I am and checking in with me to make sure I'm settling in then the kindness I'm finding nice as many family and people in my life don't do that to me. So I think you're right there's that lacking in my life and he's doing that but probably because he's my boss he has to

OP posts:
Mountaineer0009 · 27/09/2023 19:58

is there any chance of a relationship with your boss ?

Alstroemeria123 · 27/09/2023 20:00

Mountaineer0009 · 27/09/2023 19:58

is there any chance of a relationship with your boss ?

Did you not see that her boss is married?

Mountaineer0009 · 27/09/2023 20:02

Alstroemeria123 · 27/09/2023 20:00

Did you not see that her boss is married?

Show quote history

apologies i just reading the opening op briefly

Mountaineer0009 · 27/09/2023 20:03

i need spec savers

Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 27/09/2023 20:14

Mountaineer0009 · 27/09/2023 19:58

is there any chance of a relationship with your boss ?

No, I'm in a relationship and he's married with children. Plus it would not be good for my career if we were both single anyway

OP posts:
Fahbeep · 28/09/2023 08:02

It's irrational and you know that, so you can only hope it fades. It won't be fun though.

ParisianMonster · 28/09/2023 08:53

You're just lonely and bored. Id end your relationships and make time to go out and do some hobbies.

Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 28/09/2023 19:02

ParisianMonster · 28/09/2023 08:53

You're just lonely and bored. Id end your relationships and make time to go out and do some hobbies.

I don't have time for myself or hobbies really. I have my DS alot

OP posts:
Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 28/09/2023 19:02

Fahbeep · 28/09/2023 08:02

It's irrational and you know that, so you can only hope it fades. It won't be fun though.

What do you mean it won't be fun?

OP posts:
paimio · 28/09/2023 19:04

I’d seriously consider whether you should end your relationship. I was in a similar situation years ago and I did eventually end my relationship but I wish I’d done it sooner.

HappyHamstersinHats81 · 28/09/2023 20:01

It’s only 4 weeks, and sometimes part of the feeling comes from not knowing someone….once you get to know someone (E.g. like your current partner) at some point you find out about all their irritating ways! …. Give it time, I’m sure you’ll find some imperfections to hang onto, maybe he picks his nose and eats it! (And even if he doesn’t…. Maybe try to imagine that he does!)

Fahbeep · 28/09/2023 20:21

Autumnleaves10 · 28/09/2023 19:02

What do you mean it won't be fun?

Show quote history

Because you'll be sat on feelings without expressing them. I have always found that longing to be with someone that you can't tell leaves an emotional ache. But then maybe not everyone is the same

Eglatina · 28/09/2023 20:31

Talk to your dp about it - seriously. It's a crush and reflective of what's missing in your relationship. It will not only help to quash your inappropriate feelings, but may encourage you both to look closely at whether you're both meeting each other's needs and if there's room for improvement. We all have crushes and fancy other people a bit, but if you're open and honest about it with your dp, you'll (hopefully!) find your relationship will strengthen and your crush takes a back seat again. Good luck!

winterchills · 28/09/2023 21:46

I know exactly what you mean cos i am in a similar situation! Even though I know its never going to happen but its so so hard to get him out of my head and stop obsessing over him! Completely feel ur pain just have to hope it passes quickly!

Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 29/09/2023 03:27

winterchills · 28/09/2023 21:46

I know exactly what you mean cos i am in a similar situation! Even though I know its never going to happen but its so so hard to get him out of my head and stop obsessing over him! Completely feel ur pain just have to hope it passes quickly!

Exactly I know it's wrong and i shouldn't be obsessing but for some reason I just can't help it!

To make matters more complicated I'm actually bisexual and my partner I'm with atm is a woman.

OP posts:
HelpMeGetThrough · 29/09/2023 05:32

. I think because he asks how I am and checking in with me to make sure I'm settling in then the kindness I'm finding nice

He's doing that because he's being a manager and you are new to the organisation. It's part of his job to ensure, as far as he can, that you settle in.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/09/2023 06:42

If your current partner is unkind to you, or doesn't show basic consideration or interest in you, then it doesn't sound like you should continue the relationship,especially as you have a child who will see how you are being treated.

Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 29/09/2023 07:07

DelphiniumBlue · 29/09/2023 06:42

If your current partner is unkind to you, or doesn't show basic consideration or interest in you, then it doesn't sound like you should continue the relationship,especially as you have a child who will see how you are being treated.

I broke up with her a month ago bit due to what's going on in my personal life with family court and other things I called her crying and broke down as she knows all about it. I guess I was vulnerable and she wiggled back in again. I know it won't be long until she's not great again.

I guess my boss checking in with me and even when I told him I had a doc appointment so could I leave earlier and him checking I was OK is alien to me and I'm drawn to it

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 29/09/2023 07:15

Its a crush OP. You need kind loving attention and are not getting that from OH. So anyone showing you kindness and attention youre latching on (thats not attacking you) because youre not getting that at home. I was the same when younger. Youre not in the right relationship.
I can tell youre tactile, kind and you need someone same. Are you being starved of affection at home and were you in a abusive childhood? It usually coincides tbh. We chase the things we never had but seem to repeat same 'mistakes' with different partners. Work on yourself OP, ask yourself why and go from there.

Yettisrus29 · 29/09/2023 07:24

I get it. I felt the same about my new boss but he's your boss and he's married. My boss is lovely and we have a nice working relationship/friendship now that I've got past the stupid crush.

It will pass, just keep telling yourself he's your boss and married both of which are a no go.

Eglatina · 29/09/2023 07:34

Yes, I agree. This is a crush and your subconscious reaching out for the love and attention that is missing in your life. For the sake of your work, you need to pull it in and distract yourself from thoughts of your boss as much as you can, before it has any mal effects, or develops into full blown limerence.

Focus on sorting out your relationship, end it if you feel it's never going to give you what you need. Then you can work on yourself and put your energies into finding someone who is able to love you in the way that you need. Otherwise, this will be a cycle that will just go round and round until you do. Counselling might be helpful too.

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