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Original poster

I like my new boss

34 replies

Autumnleaves10 · 27/09/2023 06:59

I like my new boss and can't stop thinking about him. Ive only been working there for 4 weeks. Tbh he is very good looking and comes across as kind but I have a partner and he's married. Our relationship has been purely professional but I can't help but constantly think about him and I get so awkward when he talks to me. We cross paths often but don't directly work with each other.

Tbh my relationship has not been great. We have been together almost 3 years and through out its been pretty rocky. I'm not a home wrecker so would never act on the way I feel about my boss. Just need to stop feeling like this about him

OP posts:
Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 29/09/2023 07:37

Loubelle70 · 29/09/2023 07:15

Its a crush OP. You need kind loving attention and are not getting that from OH. So anyone showing you kindness and attention youre latching on (thats not attacking you) because youre not getting that at home. I was the same when younger. Youre not in the right relationship.
I can tell youre tactile, kind and you need someone same. Are you being starved of affection at home and were you in a abusive childhood? It usually coincides tbh. We chase the things we never had but seem to repeat same 'mistakes' with different partners. Work on yourself OP, ask yourself why and go from there.

Yes this really struck a cord. I was in an abusive childhood and witnessed abuse from my parents towards each other. I have followed numerous abusive relationships throughout my life and have been in counselling for 7 years now. I know I'm a damaged person. So it would make sense that the kindness he shows towards me I crave. Because tbh I feel I don't have anyone in my corner fighting with my with all the stuff that's going on in my personal life atm.

OP posts:
C1N1C · 29/09/2023 07:42

Bad advice time:

Get borderline professional close to him, I.e. lean a bit too far forward in a 121...

If he reciprocates, he's scum because he's married... good result, you dodged a bullet.

If he doesn't reciprocate, you know he's not interested, you can move on.

Win-win!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/09/2023 07:46

Oh dear. From the other side: my DH used to be a stunner( and he has nice manners) . Colleagues and sometimes clients used to develop crushes on him quite often. I used to be quite attractive, and I had several cases of clients and subordinates casting yearning looks, asking if I needed anything etc…..

Yes, the target does notice, and it is a bit of a nuisance. In extreme cases, the target has to hold the afflicted person at arms length, which is not great for their career. Take a deep breath and try to find romance outside the workplace.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/09/2023 07:47

@C1N1C
the behaviour you advocate would have resulted in a trip to HR and probably movement to another team. It’s unprofessional and borderline harassment.

Loopytiles · 29/09/2023 07:48

Your boss isn’t necessarily behaving that way to be ‘kind’ - sounds simply professional. Your crush on him isn’t the problem as long as you behave appropriately at work.

Your current relationship has been ‘rocky’ throughout, the last break up being very recent, and is only ‘alright’ now. So it’ll end at some point - better sooner than later. Don’t call her at weak times.

You also need to resolve custody issues with your ex, which must be v difficult. Would focus on that, your DC and doing well at work.

Loubelle70 · 29/09/2023 07:56

@Autumnleaves10 please dont say your damaged!! Youre not. Life throws us sh*t and it affects us. Your self confidence is low bless you. I get it. We can self sabotage when we have come from an abusive childhood, like we don't deserve, so we get into the cycle again. We accept less than we deserve. We shouldn't. Can't.
Im glad you are in counselling, its a long road but not a fruitless one.
Your new boss is just a mind diversion from the real issues. Tbh i think if you had space from your relationship to work on yourself that this new boss wont seem so attractive. Youre stuck atm... because you dont know how to get out of your present relationship. Please take care of yourself OP XXX

C1N1C · 29/09/2023 07:58

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 29/09/2023 07:47

@C1N1C
the behaviour you advocate would have resulted in a trip to HR and probably movement to another team. It’s unprofessional and borderline harassment.

Hence the words "bad advice"...

Eglatina · 29/09/2023 13:52

Not that I think you're daft enough to, but for the love of God OP, don't take the bad advice! Grin

OP, it's great you're in counselling - take this there and chat it over and get support with facing your current relationship. You'll get there and have stronger and healthier relationships in the future. It's hard work, but so rewarding when you start to undo the damage and start to reap the benefits. Wish you lots of luck getting through this.

Original poster
Autumnleaves10 · 29/09/2023 16:27

Dw I'm definitely not going to take the bad advice!

I'm not currently having counselling. I couldn't afford it anymore and now having this new Job I don't have the time. Which is such a shame as I really liked my counsellor. Plus alot of other things have been at a higher priority atm.

Whenever I see my boss I just go all awkward and I hate it. Ugh I wish this crush would just pass

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