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Original poster

Please help me to explain to new man that he is being ' too much'

47 replies

whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 07:50

Long story short but am back with ex after a year. We broke up for practical reasons as we couldn't sustain a relationship geographically and otherwise at the time.
I'm delighted we're back but he is very what seems to be ' grateful' and won't stop going on and on about ur how happy he is etc. I am also happy but not grateful or overly emotional about it.
Please give me advice on what to say in a kind way in order for him to stop this regular conversation and just to get on and enjoy the excitement of this rekindled relationship.
I can't seem to put together words to explain myself without being mean and cutting. But it's too much for me. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 08:47

Anyone ? Please?
I want to get the words right but fear being mean or nasty

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 26/09/2023 08:57

So he is irritating you already? Maybe you shouldn't have got back together after all and it was more than physical distance that led to the original split. Do you think he is being insincere? Or just (as you put it) "over-emotional"?Someone you love who genuinely feels super-happy that you're back together and shows how they feel shouldn't irritate you, not if the relationship is going to work. You sound incompatible emotionally.

As for how to say it, just say it. Tell him how you feel when he repeats that he feels happy and grateful - if you feel irritated, or smothered, or whatever emotions you do feel - and ask him to stop.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 26/09/2023 09:00

Oh and do remember to say that you are also really delighted and happy to be back together with him but ...... and then finish by saying that you want to get on with enjoying your future together.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2023 09:00

He's love bombing you. You should have never gotten back together. I'd be running a mile if I were you, because this isn't going to get better.

Vallmo47 · 26/09/2023 09:04

So I wrote out something you could say but then realised it was a lie - it doesn’t sound like you do feel the same way because he’s being too much. That’s all you need to say to him.
”I know you mean well but please stop telling me how you feel repeatedly, it’s a bit much for me. Let’s just take this one day at a time and see how we go”.

Some things there are no “kind” way of saying - he’s smothering you, tell him to stop.

Original poster
whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 09:20

Thanks everyone.
He is one of those very emotional people and to a point so am I but he is just going on and on and every conversation in the last few days since we got back a dominated by how grateful he feels and how excited he is.
It is just too full on.
As a PP said , I just want to get on with the relationship and enjoy it for what it is.
I am too excited and delighted and think we have a strong chance at f success. I wouldn't have gone back if I didn't feel that as there are children involved also but there's no need for this level of emotional vomiting in my view.

OP posts:
Goodornot · 26/09/2023 09:23

I wouldn't have gone back if I didn't feel that as there are children involved also but there's no need for this level of emotional vomiting in my view.

that's unnecessarily mean. I don't think you like him much.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 26/09/2023 09:23

there's no need for this level of emotional vomiting in my view.

"Emotional vomiting"? Blimey! Well if you're trying to avoid hurt feelings don't use those words, OK?

Though if that's how you really feel maybe you should say it and he can decide if it's really a good idea be with someone who feels he is "vomiting" his emotions at her.

PimpMyFridge · 26/09/2023 09:24

How about... I share this happiness but even the most true thing can only be repeated so often before the effect is opposite to that which you want.
That's quite a hint. Which is the softly approach you want. If that doesn't hit home you'll need to state it clearly.

Original poster
whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 09:25

Emotional vomiting is exactly what he is doing though. I would never use those words to him but we can't seem to have a conversation without his overwhelming emotions being brought into it.
He is emotional as a man and I love that about him normally but the incessant nature of ot is taking from the excitement of the new beginning of that makes sense?

OP posts:
Ikeepmybumcheekshidden · 26/09/2023 09:26

You really don't like him, do you?

mrsjareth · 26/09/2023 09:29

You've got the ick. Why did you get back together with him if he irritates you this much?!

Original poster
whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 09:31

I don't have the ick and
I really like him, I'm just finding this overbearing even though I understand where it's coming from.
If you have any suggestions about how to phrase it, I'd really appreciate it thanks.

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 26/09/2023 09:31

I made a suggestion. 🙃

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 26/09/2023 09:34

I would be very lighthearted and say "Woah! Time to change the record darling, this one is getting just a bit too much now. I know you're happy to be back together, so am I, you don't need to keep telling me."

Then if he did it again I would make a record scratch sound effect noise , because I am childish as fuck 😂

Original poster
whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 09:36

Sorry@PimpMyFridge . I meant the previous two posters to my latest post and thank you.

OP posts:
Londonscallingme · 26/09/2023 09:38

I would tell him you are really happy to be back together but you are feeling a little overwhelmed by his constant declarations so please can he dial it down a bit?

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 26/09/2023 09:41

Emotional vomiting is exactly what he is doing though. I would never use those words to him but we can't seem to have a conversation without his overwhelming emotions being brought into it.

Well, should you be together? If he's pissing you off so much right from the start?

He is emotional as a man and I love that about him normally but the incessant nature of ot is taking from the excitement of the new beginning of that makes sense?

If you really feel as strongly as those words say then that's a bad sign for later. This is part of what he is normally like and how you normally feel about it. Even if it's the first time you have seen this part of "normal" it isn't just going to go away again. Some of his emotional reactions are going to be more incessant and more overbearing than you like and that's going to piss you off.

If you have any suggestions about how to phrase it, I'd really appreciate it thanks.

I made my suggestions upthread, if you still think it's worthwhile. (You can say you find his endless expression of feelings overbearing.)

Riverlee · 26/09/2023 09:42

Hi ok E it works out well for you.

can you say that you’re pleased you’re together, but you don’t want to rush things. It’s great that he feels so pleased and happy, and it’s not that you don’t, but you’re finding the declarations of love etc. you don’t want to jinx things by rushing into it and want to enjoy just being together, in a day to day basis.

Frogger8395 · 26/09/2023 09:46

The comments about him being grateful would really give me the ick.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2023 09:52

whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 09:20

Thanks everyone.
He is one of those very emotional people and to a point so am I but he is just going on and on and every conversation in the last few days since we got back a dominated by how grateful he feels and how excited he is.
It is just too full on.
As a PP said , I just want to get on with the relationship and enjoy it for what it is.
I am too excited and delighted and think we have a strong chance at f success. I wouldn't have gone back if I didn't feel that as there are children involved also but there's no need for this level of emotional vomiting in my view.

I think you need to be direct.

I know you are, I'm glad too but you constantly telling me makes me feel like we're stuck in this moment and can't move forward. I'm not going anywhere, but we need to stop having the same conversation.

Original poster
whitesmoken · 26/09/2023 09:55

Thanks.
From your posts, I'm just going to say that while I'm also excited and looking forward to the future, I am finding all of these declarations overwhelming and I want to start afresh and while we can learn from the past, we need to move in now and enjoy this without overthinking it.
He has good reason to feel like this. I'm. It criticising that. He took the break up really badly back then as we had plans to move to be nearer to each other but his work wouldn't allow for that so the break up was inevitable.

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 26/09/2023 10:01

It sounds like he's love bombing you, tbh. It does all sound overwhelming and a bit icky.

Fine to say something to get him to slow down but I'd be prepared that this will "call the whole relationship into question" for him and he'll lay on the guilt about how you don't love him enough etc. It sounds like it's all a bit much and maybe you would have been better to stay away from him.

aurynne · 26/09/2023 10:05

"I am very happy we are back together, but I need time to readjust to the new situation and would like to take things a bit slower. I feel overwhelmed by your emotions, could you please tone them down a bit so I have time to catch up and figure out what I want from this new situation?"

TomatoSandwiches · 26/09/2023 10:05

How do you stop yourself from cringing around him op?

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