Did you ever have that sliding door moment, the one thing that could change your life or not?
Mine happened over 30 yrs ago.
My first love, who I had been in a relationship with for almost 3 years was working up North (Scotland). I was living and working in the south. He moved around a lot with his job, so Scotland was only a temporary posting for him and I would travel up on a Friday night after work and weekends were always a really great fun time where we would relish every moment together.
Well, on one of these weekends he told me that his mum had phoned and asked him to come home for a visit. He was not UK born and his family were still in their home country (EU country) I had never met his folks but they knew all about me. He on the other hand had met all my family and everyone liked him.
So, he went to visit family for 2 weeks.
When he came back to Scotland I phoned him to arrange my next visit and he dropped his bombshell. The reason for the trip, all contrived by his mother, was to get engaged to a nice girl, from his own culture who incidentally he didn’t even know.
I went to see him anyway because I was absolutely convinced that this was a huge mistake and we could correct it. Unfortunately it was no mistake, it was deadly serious. We had an horrendous 2 days where we both cried, I roared at him to ring his family and call it off. He was unable/unwilling to go against his family and so by Sunday afternoon I was back on the train travelling home distraught and now apparently single.
He phoned me a few times, we both cried and I had to tell him to stop ringing me as it was too painful for us both.
Within the year I had met and married a man and moved away from my home town to start my married life. My new husband knew all about my ex, he knew also that I was still grieving for my lost love and he said it was ok, we would be ok.
Unfortunately we were not ok, the marriage was very shaky and within the first 6 months we were struggling.
Mum rang me and said a letter had arrived for me and it was postmarked Scotland, what should she do with it.
Without hesitation I told her that I didn’t want to know what was in the letter. I said if you read it, never tell me what it said and she should throw it away. This is what she did. I think this was my sliding door!
My marriage rumbled and stumbled on for 20 yrs, we had 2 children who were now in their early teens and I was truely ready for a divorce.
We were now in the early years of home computers and mobile phones. I received an email from my first love, he had tracked me down and gave me his his phone number and asked me to please call him. I told my husband straight away and I told him I wanted to make the phone call. For 20 years I had wondered if he did marry that girl, I had to know the truth.
As soon as I heard his voice I was transported back to that weekend in Scotland where we cried and let each other go.
He did marry that girl and they had 2 children, the marriage failed ultimately and he never remarried. He had thought about me for the past 20 yrs and deeply regretted letting me go. Then he asked if I had received a letter from him, I told him the truth that I chose not to read it as I was by then married to my now DP.
I asked him what was in the letter, he said oh it doesn’t matter now and wouldn’t tell me the contents.
We shared a few more phone calls and then I had to tell him to stop. It was all too emotional and I had to concentrate on my real life and my marriage. The Marriage was irrecoverable, we eventually divorced and once again I was single.
2 yrs later I met my now DP. I buried all thoughts of my first love and I powered on with my new relationship. I absolutely adore and love my DP. We have been together for almost 10 years.
About a year ago, my first love popped up on my FB. I can honestly say that I was happy to see he was still alive and healthy, however I have finally put to rest the what might/could/should have beens.
We are both getting old now and I have since moved countries. I don’t suppose I will ever see him again in person. The thought of one of us dying without this happening is too sad to think about but I know that I have now made peace with the past and my future looks bright. I am with a man who loves me and who would never let me down. A heart can only take so much and mine is full of joy and love for my DP, although there will always be a small place in there that my first love once occupied.
note, I should add, mum has long since passed away so I can’t ask her if she read the letter of more than 30 years ago.
if you read all of that, well done!!