Would you buy a property with a spouse if they refuse to show you a bank statement when you ask?

[Martacus]

Would you buy a property with a spouse if they refuse to show you a bank statement when you ask them (to see exact savings and salary)?

If they refuse, would you just take their word for it and trust them?

Or would you demand to see evidence?

And what would you do if they still refuse?

His other wife thinks so too.

Nope. But I'd also call his bluff and say you will get the mortgage lender to show you anyway !! You will be aloud to see them as you are also part of the sale

Why is a spouse not being transparent financially if it’s a joint agreement?

No chance. You either have a transparent & trusting relationship or you don't.

Absolutely not.
I would also end a marriage over it (seriously)

marriage is a contract there are standards of behaviour and expectations both parties must meet.
Two of which are: Financial transparency and financial responsibility.

Hiding assets and playing coy with your life partner is quite frankly bollocks.

Whoever this person is, their spouse really saw them coming.

There's a difference between not seeing-a couple of women appear to have happily gone through the mortgage process without seeing their dp's bank statements and him refusing to show you if asked. The first is a bit strange, but I do get the privacy thing, I suppose. The second is a MASSIVE red flag.

It's very scary that he wants to hide this! And also stupid when he'd know you'd need to hand them over to a bank

Madness - when you are married and taking on massive shared financial commitment you need to have 100% transparency.

I know someone who used to be married (note the 'used to be) to a nice guy but she never knew how much he earned. He really downplayed everything and they lived a very frugal life. So much so that the kids were denied all sorts- never had a meal out (even a Wetherspoons) because she could make nicer food for them for less money, on her birthday they wouldn't 'waste money' going out to eat. Forget about holidays- way beyond their reach by all accounts!
Except I worked with him and we earned the same - he was on £10k a year more than she believed and had a very healthy stash of savings just in his name.

When DH and I got together we had nothing- literally on the bones of the overdraft to pay the rent. 30 yrs on things are very different and we are comfortable (not on the mumsnet 'six figures'!!!! far from it ] but during the poor years and the good years we've been it in together and everything is shared including a joint bank account.

Don’t do it OP.
In saying that, if it’s a joint application, he’ll have to disclose his income. Perhaps it’s his savings, or transactions he’s trying to hide. Either way, take it from someone who’s been screwed over more than once, if someone’s trying to hide something relating to a joint financial commitment, why?

You’re already as financially tied as you can get if they’re your spouse.

I think I’d be questioning the marriage as well as the wisdom of buying a joint property.

i’ve never seen dh’s statements, or he mine in 20 years. However we’ve never had cause to ask 🤷‍♀️

You are but taking out a loan of hundreds of thousands with someone you don’t trust can be avoided to stop things getting worse.

No definitely not.
It would make me wonder what he’s got to hide and why, first and foremost.

No. Way.
Wtf is he hiding?
Am thinking something dodgy rather than savings.

Wouldn’t buy a tin of beans with someone who wasn’t open and honest.

No, and I would think he was hiding something as well.

His refusal (unless there's a very good reason) is a red flag. A big one.

Saying that, we've but specifically logged at eachother statements -they've been gathered together for the bank etc, but I'd find it weird and a bit intrusive if he went through then, and I wouldn't go through his either. But they've not been hidden.

No.

Have you posted before? Something similar came up a month or two back.

My finances are private. The only person that has a right to see them is the taxman.

I’ve bought a house with someone. He didn’t ask to see my bank statements and I don’t ask to see his.

I was raised not to talk about money or politics (I won’t tell him who I vote for either)

No.
When you get to hundred no’s , you can give him the push.

Its worrying even to reach the stage of demanding. The shared responsiblities go well beyond the mortgage application. Repairs, improvements, life changes that affect keeping up with payments and possible separation/divorce. However much you don't want the last one, its a realistic risk. Do you want similar drama during all those moments too? What about every other shared responsibility, period?

I've always been very transparent, even when I was sole earner and doing very well. I found it necessary when discussing priorities, budgets for various things. It was the easiest way, for me. Made sure she knew, not trusted, how much everything cost and that bills were definitely getting paid, and that I had our backs covered against risks like being out of work or something important breaking

I wouldn't agree to a spouse going through my bank statements. I'm entitled to my privacy.

DH and I bought a house without either of us going through bank statements but then we also have separate finances and I wouldn't be with someone who demanded only having a joint account either.

No way. It's a red flag large enough to cover Wembley Stadium.

I wouldn't marry someone so secretive about their finances in the first place.

In your situation you are about to borrow a large sum of money for a house with your husband. If he does not want to show this I feel that he could be online gambling which can be a red flag for mortgage lending or has a loan/debit you are not aware of.
Also you will be both asked for at least 6 months bank statements and they will pull credit reports so borrowings will be on this
You both need to know what the other earns and spending habits to ensure you can afford to buy this house or is it better to buy a cheaper house.