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Original poster

Would you wait around for this?

29 replies

Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:09

Hi all,

Just want your opinion on this as I'm struggling to make a decision.

Early 2022, I (30F) broke up from my ex. We had a good amount of deposit saved up for a house, which we split. The house market wasn't doing great and shortly after came interest rate increases so despite wanting to buy a house on my own, I held off.

I met a gentleman (35M) in January and we hit it off. We would like to move in together at some point soon.

Trouble is, he lives in a house he bought with his ex partner. She moved out last November (relationship ended a few months before that) and hasn't contributed to mortgage payments since... For us to move in together, we need this house to sell obviously. However the house is on sale since December last year but they had only 2 viewings. The price is clearly too high.

His ex refuses price reduction because doesn't want to end up in negative equity, which is fair enough. But unless they reduce the price, they won't be able to sell. My ex recently admitted that he also doesn't want to reduce the price and lose money. Even though he does lose money each month paying her half too!

I understand it's not financially feasible for him to push for the price reduction, but I live near him on my own in London, one of the most expensive areas in the UK. I can't afford to buy a place here by myself and my rent is extortionate. It also isn't financially feasible for me to keep paying for my landlord's mortgage instead of mine.

I can move to a more affordable area and climb on the property leader soon, especially we have no clue how long the house sale will take. It may take a year or even more in this climate!

What would you do if you were me? I do love this guy but the future looks very uncertain. Would you wait for the sake of the potential of this relationship or move on with your life? Thanks.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2023 17:16

I wouldn't be considering buying with a man I'd not even known a year! It's a mad idea. Love shmove, you barely know him yet. Also, hes just come out of a relationship and jumped straight into another one with you.

Slow down.

Get a place of your own.
Take no chances. Let alone mad chances like buying a house with a man you haven't even known a year.

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2023 17:19

Though, reading back maybe you only mean renting with him?

Even still, I wouldn't.
Get your own place. Maybe he can move in one day IF he ever sells his places.

Original poster
Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:20

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2023 17:16

I wouldn't be considering buying with a man I'd not even known a year! It's a mad idea. Love shmove, you barely know him yet. Also, hes just come out of a relationship and jumped straight into another one with you.

Slow down.

Get a place of your own.
Take no chances. Let alone mad chances like buying a house with a man you haven't even known a year.

I didn't say we were going to buy together! We will rent together for at least a year, which will help me (and him) financially. Or the alternative is me moving away to buy a house on my own. These are the two opitons I'm in two minds about.

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/09/2023 17:22

Honestly? He sounds uncertain and he’s barely out of a relationship with his ex. He might still love her.

I wouldn’t move in with him now put it that way. Sounds as if he’s stalling on you and making excuses.

Workawayxx · 22/09/2023 17:22

I’d go ahead and buy by yourself. It sounds a lot of pressure to put on a relationship of a year. If his house does sell maybe he can move in with you for a bit before you buy together. Would he be willing to move to your new area or do long distance for a bit?

Original poster
Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:25

Thanks @GonnaGetGoingReturns. I'm most certain he doesn't love her still, but might still be uncertain about us nonetheless.

OP posts:
Gladtoblasto · 22/09/2023 17:25

I think your are pressuring him. I wouldn't be very happy if my fairly recent boyfriend started pressuring me to drop the value of my house sale at all!! You've centred this whole situation on what you want for you.

Original poster
Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:27

Thanks @Workawayxx. When we first met I told him I was going to move away and he did say he would be alright with that but I wouldn't want a long distance relationship.

OP posts:
Catsafterme · 22/09/2023 17:27

I don't think she was asking for him to do that, just highlighting that due to them not doing so, it's likely to drag out.

If it was me and I could afford to, I would buy my own place rather than continue renting.

Original poster
Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:31

Gladtoblasto · 22/09/2023 17:25

I think your are pressuring him. I wouldn't be very happy if my fairly recent boyfriend started pressuring me to drop the value of my house sale at all!! You've centred this whole situation on what you want for you.

That's a very unfair comment. Coming up to 8 months now, I didn't say a word about it. The price reduction was his idea initially and I told him if there's no viewings that's probably why and it's the right thing to do. I never pressured him into anything but I also feel like at this stage I need to look out for myself also.

OP posts:
Gladtoblasto · 22/09/2023 17:31

Yes I read again and she hasn't asked him to do that. I think wait around. All house stuff can take time in this climate. He can't really do much about that.

Gladtoblasto · 22/09/2023 17:31

That's where my head was at with my response basically. There's not a lot he can do.

Original poster
Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:32

Thanks @Catsafterme. You understood correctly. I never asked him to do that.

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 22/09/2023 17:33

Do what's right for you. I would definitely move and buy a property elsewhere if I could, at this stage.

Workawayxx · 22/09/2023 17:33

Fair enough not to want a long distance relationship. Maybe discuss again with him and say you're keen to buy so are going to start looking in new area. It could be that, with the time it takes to find and complete on your new place, that he has a sale progressing by that point. If you know it'll just be a few months you may feel differently about long distance. It sounds like you're frustrated at the moment (understandably) so I think going for it is the best option for you and potentially your relationship too. If you do go, he may be more keen to drop the price and get a quicker sale .

ImAStallionBaby · 22/09/2023 17:35

Get yourself your own lovely home. Good luck and enjoy.
And never add anyone to it that hasn't paid you half, and then some x

Catsafterme · 22/09/2023 17:36

I mean in the grand scheme of things if you look at it another way, it's not been that long of a relationship and he is already on the ladder.

Similar situation to me but not quite the same where mine has taken everything and I can't go back to my own home. If I was down the line to meet someone who had their own house or wanted to buy their own it wouldn't put me off. That's up to them and I already have a house...I just can't live in it.

DixonD · 22/09/2023 17:36

I may have missed it (sorry if so) but can’t you move into his current property?

AutumnFroglets · 22/09/2023 17:36

I didn't say we were going to buy together! We will rent together for at least a year,
You are using the housing market and interest rates to push your relationship forward. That is not a wise move. Slow down, take him out of the equation totally and make your living situation based on that. You've only been dating 8 months ffs.

LittleOwl153 · 22/09/2023 17:38

Realistically property prices around me have dropped around 15% in that time so if henis holding out for a price that was unrealistic 8 months ago its not going to sell now.

How far away do you need/want to move? I personally would move and buy as the market seems to be a buyers one right now... and if he's bothered he will catch you up whe. He's resolved things.

Catsafterme · 22/09/2023 17:38

I also agree with PP, don't make the same mistake I did by getting rushed into these things. It turned out very bad and has ended up in a nightmare.

Go slow. Sort yourself out.

Original poster
Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:40

@DixonD we both feel funny about that one. He hates the house for obvious reasons and I feel a bit awkward being in there knowing they lived together also.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anawana · 22/09/2023 17:42

LittleOwl153 · 22/09/2023 17:38

Realistically property prices around me have dropped around 15% in that time so if henis holding out for a price that was unrealistic 8 months ago its not going to sell now.

How far away do you need/want to move? I personally would move and buy as the market seems to be a buyers one right now... and if he's bothered he will catch you up whe. He's resolved things.

Totally agree and that's what scares me. I was looking to move Spring/Summer time next year latest but it's not likely for the house sale to go through by then.

OP posts:
Oldthyme · 22/09/2023 17:45

ImAStallionBaby · 22/09/2023 17:35

Get yourself your own lovely home. Good luck and enjoy.
And never add anyone to it that hasn't paid you half, and then some x

This ^
Plough your own furrow. Don’t let him distract you. He needs to literally put his own house in order before you step in with him. Slow down. Everything in the fullness of time OP.

Nomad916 · 22/09/2023 17:47

Move in with him until house is sold.