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Original poster

Would you count this as cheating

53 replies

bonzaitree · 21/09/2023 22:02

I found that my bf has been looking at an exes profile on social media. For context she is from years ago and lives abroad.

I was disgusted but then when I told my 2 best friends about it they said curiosity just got the better of him and it was normal to look up exes online. Are they just being kind to me?

What do you think? Please honest opinions.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 21/09/2023 23:19

Nope, your friends are right.

Bluelightbaby · 21/09/2023 23:28

Absolutely not cheating. It wouldn’t even bother me tbh

Panaa · 21/09/2023 23:42

Not cheating but possibly a betrayal.

I have a strict boundary where I won't be a rebound or second best to an ex or someone a partner is pining over.....so I would make that clear early on and try to establish if they did have feelings for an ex. Of course people can lie and have all sorts of feelings in secret, but if I found out later that they were in fact pining then that's a betrayal and relationship ending for me.

Searching once or occasionally, look most people do it and it doesn't necessarily mean anything, you said you "found that my bf has been looking at an exes profile on social media".....so how often has he been looking at her profile?

namestevalian · 21/09/2023 23:44

Not cheating .

Bizarre to consider it so

DixonD · 22/09/2023 00:05

Querypost · 21/09/2023 22:10

Depends if he's just having a nose or wanking off to her holiday bikini pics I guess.

It still wouldn’t be cheating 😂

IslaSkywalker · 22/09/2023 00:55

Cupcakekiller · 21/09/2023 22:08

I've probably looked up every man I've ever been involved with. I also look up random people at work. It's just nosiness/curiosity/a way to pass the time. You're definitely over reacting.

Many people do this out of curiosity. Admit it on mumsnet though and you're a crazed stalker who needs to get a life.

StarlightLady · 22/09/2023 10:47

I’d be relaxed about it. Unless you have anything else to go on, it’s curiosity, not cheating!

SamW98 · 22/09/2023 11:44

It’s human nature to be curious and SM has made it a lot easier to have a nose at what people from your past are up to.

Ive looked at my exes FB occasionally usually just to remind myself that I did right thing ending it

Sorry but if you mention it to him you look like the mad obsessed one not him

SpringleDingle · 22/09/2023 11:53

N'ah - a bit of harmless idle facebook stalking is pretty normal. I blocked my ex so I can't but if he wasn't blocked I'd probably nosey now and then. I'm nosey! I love my current DP though and wouldn't touch my ex with a pointy stick so definitely not cheating!

OldEvilOwl · 22/09/2023 11:55

Not cheating. Surely you have nosed at people's profiles before?

perfectcolourfound · 22/09/2023 13:04

No it isn't cheating, not even close.

I adore my DH. Love the bones of him. Can't imagine ever even considering cheating. But I've looked up old ex's online in an idle moment. The same as I'lve looked up old school friends, work colleagues etc. Just casually wondering what they're up to now. It doesn't mean I miss them or I think about them anything other than very rarely. It doesn't mean I'm thinking of contacting them. Urgh.

I know my DH has done the same, because he's updated on me on the fancy job his college gf now has. It didn't dawn on me to be bothered by it.

Unless there's more to this, why are you doubting him?

itsmyp4rty · 22/09/2023 13:15

I love a bit of SM stalking! Surely it's what SM was made for.

RedCouch · 22/09/2023 13:17

I suspect he was just curious and having a nosy. I wouldn't call it cheating in the slightest

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 22/09/2023 13:21

I've randomly looked up an ex from many years ago on FB when something reminded me of him. Pure curiosity nothing else. Wouldn't think twice if stbxh had done the same while we were together.

topnoddy · 22/09/2023 13:46

Are the schools still shut due to the crappy concrete chaos ?

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 13:48

Why on earth would it bother me? Do you have self esteem issue?

Dolores87 · 22/09/2023 13:51

No that's not cheating or even that odd and I don't think he has done anything wrong.

1stworldissues · 22/09/2023 14:06

Has he spoken to , messaged or interacted with her in a sexual way?

I often look up exes on SM, and I've been happily married for 17 years.... I'm just bloody nosey

ActDottie · 22/09/2023 14:17

Lol obviously not cheating. I look up exes on social media sometimes purely because I’m curious what they’re doing now.

Florenceatemycake · 22/09/2023 14:30

Definitely not cheating. I do it sometimes and I'm very happily married.

Shoxfordian · 22/09/2023 14:59

Not cheating unless he’s actually messaging her or trying to see her behind your back

Aprilx · 22/09/2023 15:17

bonzaitree · 21/09/2023 22:22

I don’t think it’s like having a full on affair of course I’m not that daft.

Im not sure whether it’s worth mentioning to him or whether I should just leave it.

Of course you do not mention it to him! I am baffled as to how you found this out anyway.

FartSock5000 · 22/09/2023 16:11

@bonzaitree it's not cheating. Not at all.

He is allowed to think about his past. He can be curious and look former lovers up. It only crosses a line when he starts the secret DM's, chats and engages in an emotional affair.

If it bothers you though, you should tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure when he does this and you'd like to know the real reason why. Be a grown up and communicate.

If you don't like his answer or you feel you don't trust what he says then end it but talk first.

SnackQueen · 22/09/2023 16:11

Nope. You're insane.