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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in the wrong?

33 replies

AIC · 21/09/2023 12:31

I recently got back with an ex who I loved more than anybody else I’ve ever loved. Her contact came out of the blue after she cheated on me 18 months ago. She told me it was all emotional cheating and nothing physical until we were over. She told me some of the things she’d done and one of those things angered me as she clearly manipulated me back then.

She told me that she knew I would have trust issues after the last time but surprisingly, they weren’t as prominent as I thought. Things were going well and we went on holiday with her son. Whilst there she showered me with love and asked me to marry her, move in with her and for us to try for a child. I could not have been happier. However things soon changed…

On the penultimate day of the holiday her behaviour towards me changed. She didn’t want to hold my hand as we always did whilst walking…or kiss me. During the day time we came back from a day out and she said the 3 of us would go to the pool. She went upstairs with the bag stating she was going to drop it off and come straight back down. She went missing for 20–30 mins in total. After about 10 mins I checked my phone to make sure everything was OK and could see she was on WhatsApp. I left it at that but then when it got to the 20-30 minute mark her absence was so obvious her son asked me where she’d gone. I picked up my phone and could see she was on WhatsApp again. I said nothing and when she came down she said she decided to grab a quick shower before heading down. This is a woman that has 4 minute showers, even on holiday! I said nothing despite the fact it was a bit strange. She then decides to go to the bar to get drinks where she goes missing again for 10-15 mins (her son sets off to go and find her), claiming that the queue was enormous…it wasn’t. Again I saw her on WhatsApp as I checked to see if she had text me in case she’d forgotten the order. I said nothing and let it pass. That night she didn’t want to kiss me or touch me like we did every night. The next morning she was even worse and was just biting at me for everything. On the flight back she told me that I was too full on and that she wanted to slow things down and so we agreed to date instead of being so serious (I didn’t want to lose her).

Later that day back at her house she has a chat with me and tells me that she won’t love me as much as she loved her ex, she won’t love me as much as I love her and that if we split up she wouldn’t be that affected. So I told her it was over as I can’t feel like second best, unimportant and that there was clearly going to be no commitment meaning that there would probably be someone else on the horizon at some point.

Whilst broken up she goes for a solo walk in the mountains…albeit she couldn’t tell me how she picked where she was going. How long it took her to get there changed. How long she was there changed. I have seen the photos of the scenery but it just seemed strange how she couldn’t tell me how she even knew the walk bearing in mind she said there was no definitive trail. She told me her phone battery was almost dead and she had no maps. I said nothing.

We get back together as she’s had some sort of change of heart and we agree that we are exclusively dating. Everything seemed like normal, she’d call me when she woke up first thing and before she went to bed and she’d text me through the day.

A few days later though and things have started to change again. She’s decided she’s going for a run and has asked that I pick her up from the country park at 8pm. I set off and get there a bit early. As you drive into the park you can see the path but there’s no sign of her. I park up and get out and start to walk along the path…she suddenly appears in front of me having come from some bushes. Her behaviour was bizarre as, for the next 15 minutes she doesn’t stop talking and I mean she doesn’t stop! This is not her. Despite jogging for an hour she’s not remotely out of breath and for a hot day she’s barely sweaty. I stay the night and she decides there’ll be nothing physical (which was very very rare). I kissed her but it was clear she didn’t want me to.

The next day she’s at work and so I understand she’s busy so I leave her to it, replying to messages when I get them. However, she’s not really responding like she used to. Her replies are coming in every couple of hours, however, I can see she’s on WhatsApp many many times during the day (my phone doesn’t beep after damaging it so I have to check it to see if I’ve received replies). That night she tells me she’s going to the gym at work, however, she’s not a member and they are very strict about who uses it (I work for the same company as her so I know). Once again her story changes from what time she went to the gym to how long she’s in the gym. She calls me after she’s finished in the gym and once again she’s not out of breath or sweaty. I’ve worked out with her plenty of times and been at home after she’s been to the gym and she’s always really really sweaty. Again, I say nothing. That night we have our normal bedtime video call but she decides she’s going to sleep an hour earlier than normal. I think nothing of it.

The next morning she doesn’t call and I’m worried she’s slept through her alarm as she had to get her son up for school. I call to try and wake her up but she ignores my call yet I can see her on WhatsApp, repeatedly. She ignores me for the next couple of hours before ringing me to tell me she can’t speak to me on the way to work as she’ll be too busy driving. This being something she has done every day for as long as we were together. She mentions a guy at work who she hasn’t mentioned before and says he was talking to her about her going on a solo holiday. It seemed strange as it was wedged into the conversation and it was somewhere she’d previously and repeatedly told me she didn’t want to go to. The conversation comes to an abrupt halt for some reason but not before she slips up and says she stayed up after saying she was going to sleep the night before. This is strange because she is so regimented, you can set your clock by her! About 10 mins later I need to call her to ask her something before she gets into work. As call her by video call by accident and can see she’s been on WhatsApp. When she answers her phone is in her lap which she never ever does. She is desperate to get me off the phone saying she needs to concentrate on driving yet once I hang up I can see she’s on and off WhatsApp during the drive in. The rest of the day she effectively ignores my messages whilst spending all day on WhatsApp. I say nothing. That night she doesn’t call me at her normal time but calls me 2 hours later, I don’t chase her up but keep checking my phone in the event it’s not ringing now either. Every time I check she’s on WhatsApp. When she calls her opening line is that it will be a quick chat.

The next morning she doesn’t call again but I can see her on WhatsApp. This is bizarre because it’s been our thing that she started. I call her to make sure everything is ok but she ignores my call. She calls me back a few minutes later. She’s decided she’s going into work early. She doesn’t go into work early…ever! We speak for 5 mins on her drive to work and I ask her about this holiday thing again and she now tells me that it was a different bloke that told her. She decides she can’t be bothered speaking to me after 5 mins and hangs up. Once again she’s on her phone all day but just not speaking to me. That night she asks me to come around and she even gives me a quick peck on the lips before she goes to her normal gym. She comes back dripping in sweat but whilst out I have seen she’s been on WhatsApp again. She’s come back as a different woman and is screaming at me. Telling me she doesn’t want to speak to me, listen to me or see me. She tells me, without me saying anything, that she’s so busy at work she doesn’t have time to pick her phone up which is why she hasn’t been texting me. At that point and because it’s clearly a lie, I say that I’m surprised to hear that as I’ve seen her on her phone for the last few days. She kicks me out the house and tells me it’s over.

I’m not bothered about her being on her phone. However, I’d gone from being a priority to being an inconvenience overnight and I am at a loss to understand why. We’d gone from seeing each other every day to seeing each twice in a week. I’d gone from being engaged (wouldn’t have been my choice for her to propose) to being single in a week.

Shes since accused me of ruining the relationship by being insecure.

My friends (1 male, 2 female) are all giving me one answer (especially as much of this behaviour is exactly the same as last time) but I thought I’d see what independent people think.

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 21/09/2023 12:39

I don't know if you're in the wrong as to be honest the post is very, very long and I didn't read it all. But clearly you don't know whether you're coming or going with this person and you're using WhatsApp to try to spy on her to understand her actions - it's time to stop flogging this dead horse and find some peace of mind on your own or with someone who's interested.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 21/09/2023 12:43

You keep going back and wasting your time, not sure why. Move on.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/09/2023 12:52

This relationship is damaging you. Look at what you're doing - you're allowing her to decide that you're in a relationship with her whether you like it or not, you're afraid to ask questions when her behaviour doesn't match her words, she's deciding you're going to get married then behaving strangely... What are you doing?

She's a head fuck. Just back away slowly and be grateful to get out now before getting sucked in any further.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2023 12:55

Sorry, can't read that novel, but you appear to be a very slow learner. How many times are you going to let her fuck you over?

BCBird · 21/09/2023 12:58

Know your worth
. She is not the woman for you.

AIC · 21/09/2023 14:06

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/09/2023 12:52

This relationship is damaging you. Look at what you're doing - you're allowing her to decide that you're in a relationship with her whether you like it or not, you're afraid to ask questions when her behaviour doesn't match her words, she's deciding you're going to get married then behaving strangely... What are you doing?

She's a head fuck. Just back away slowly and be grateful to get out now before getting sucked in any further.

Thank you for your straightforward reply.

You've made a very good point about me not even being able to ask questions about why things are not matching up. I was too scared of the reaction and look what happened when I did. That’s not a relationship!

OP posts:
AIC · 21/09/2023 14:10

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2023 12:55

Sorry, can't read that novel, but you appear to be a very slow learner. How many times are you going to let her fuck you over?

Honestly, too many times already! For some reason I always forgive her and listen to her bullshit. It’s hard to read that everyone thinks I’m basically being a mug but it’s nice to see the independent replies that think I’m best rid of her especially as her comments about me being to blame for us breaking up have been going around in my head.

OP posts:
AIC · 21/09/2023 14:12

BCBird · 21/09/2023 12:58

Know your worth
. She is not the woman for you.

I have long convinced myself she is the woman for me but bearing in mind everyone in my life is saying she’s not and that her behaviour is manipulative and toxic, I think I need to stop lying to myself.

Its time to recover and recognise my worth!

OP posts:
AsYou82 · 21/09/2023 14:16

I think at the point where you have dedicated hours and hours of your day tracking her movements is the perfect time to call this a day. You are displaying worrying behaviours. She obviously isn’t trustworthy so you need to walk away, this is very concerning. You must also have your own life but instead are watching her on WhatsApp for hours. Read your post, I’m sure this is not the life you want for yourself ok. Walk away immediately

Lowtower · 21/09/2023 14:23

Get her in the bin.

Opentooffers · 21/09/2023 14:30

I'd guess it was drugs in the bushes if she wasn't hot and sweaty at all. Fits with the non- stop talking. What kind of culture is there at work, is coke use known?
Do you know anything of her childhood circumstances as it sounds like she's flipping between anxious/avoiding attachment ? As soon as it gets serious, she's off courting other's, but is full on with marriage and babies until then.
You won't fix this, it's part of her personality and would take years of therapy to sort. Abandonment or neglect from a parent is usually the why, it's not about you.
You however are a glutton for punishment. She will keep repeating this and no amount of convincing will change that.

LaurieFairyCake · 21/09/2023 14:50

Well I'd guess she was shagging someone in the bushes

AIC · 21/09/2023 14:53

Opentooffers · 21/09/2023 14:30

I'd guess it was drugs in the bushes if she wasn't hot and sweaty at all. Fits with the non- stop talking. What kind of culture is there at work, is coke use known?
Do you know anything of her childhood circumstances as it sounds like she's flipping between anxious/avoiding attachment ? As soon as it gets serious, she's off courting other's, but is full on with marriage and babies until then.
You won't fix this, it's part of her personality and would take years of therapy to sort. Abandonment or neglect from a parent is usually the why, it's not about you.
You however are a glutton for punishment. She will keep repeating this and no amount of convincing will change that.

There is no culture of drug use at work but she did use to use it about 10 years and tells me she gave it up. That being said, she does associate with drug users so maybe 🤷‍♂️ That being said, I don’t think she’d be that stupid as they do random drug tests at work.

I think you’ve nailed the anxious/avoiding attachment. It’s what happened last time, we were engaged and then she started running around behind my back with another one of her exes.

As much as I’ve loved her and hoped she’d be able to commit, I think you’re right. I’m just torturing myself by believing we could ever have a future.

OP posts:
EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 21/09/2023 21:43

I got to confused to finish your OP, but one thing is clear, this isn't a healthy loving relationship. I thought drugs too with the bushes thing. Addicts are plenty stupid enough to risk their jobs. Not saying she is one, just that I wouldn't discount drugs because work tests. You're wasting your life on someone who's not capable of ever having a loving healthy relationship with you. She's either deeply traumatised or an arsehole and it doesn't really matter which because she's never going to admit fault let alone commit to the therapy necessary to change. As much as it might hurt and be heartbreaking the only way you're going to have a happy life is to finish with her, block her on everything and go as low contact as possible. Given how you keep getting drawn back in I'd seriously consider changing jobs and moving if you rent so you can stop all contact.

Watchkeys · 21/09/2023 21:48

Recognise that if you need to write that much down, it's way way messier than anything you need.

FictionalCharacter · 21/09/2023 21:59

She’s awful. Don’t do this to yourself! Let her go. One day you’ll look back and think “what the hell was I thinking?”

AIC · 21/09/2023 22:13

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 21/09/2023 21:43

I got to confused to finish your OP, but one thing is clear, this isn't a healthy loving relationship. I thought drugs too with the bushes thing. Addicts are plenty stupid enough to risk their jobs. Not saying she is one, just that I wouldn't discount drugs because work tests. You're wasting your life on someone who's not capable of ever having a loving healthy relationship with you. She's either deeply traumatised or an arsehole and it doesn't really matter which because she's never going to admit fault let alone commit to the therapy necessary to change. As much as it might hurt and be heartbreaking the only way you're going to have a happy life is to finish with her, block her on everything and go as low contact as possible. Given how you keep getting drawn back in I'd seriously consider changing jobs and moving if you rent so you can stop all contact.

That’s what my friends said. That she should be able to see that what she has said and how she has behaved made me feel insecure…but she won’t. She has never ever apologised for anything. She was bragging the other day, before we split up, that she told a girl at work that when it comes to relationships it’s “my way or the highway”. Apparently they spoke partners in general and discussed this girls partner but my ex didn’t even mention she was with anyone! Another way to make me feel like shit.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 21/09/2023 22:18

she should be able to see that what she has said

In order for there to be a 'should', there needs to be an authority to issue it. What authority would be telling her she 'should' be able to assess her words/behaviour etc? Who are you expecting her to answer to?

AIC · 21/09/2023 22:18

Watchkeys · 21/09/2023 21:48

Recognise that if you need to write that much down, it's way way messier than anything you need.

Such a good point. There is significantly more to all that happened over the past few months but I thought that if I just focused on the last couple of weeks that would say enough. E.g. we went on that holiday and she only posted photos of herself on Facebook and Instagram which made her look single. No mention of me, photos of me or photos of us. Not that I could see what she posted as she refused to add me to Facebook or Instagram! I only saw what she posted as she opened her phone next to me and I could see what she posted on Facebook.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 21/09/2023 22:21

Stop writing, stop telling the story in your head, stop trying to work out what's right or wrong.

How is it making you feel, the way she's treating you, in one word?

AIC · 21/09/2023 22:22

FictionalCharacter · 21/09/2023 21:59

She’s awful. Don’t do this to yourself! Let her go. One day you’ll look back and think “what the hell was I thinking?”

I already think that to be honest. Despite my feelings I’m embarrassed by what’s happened. I was so happy that I told my friends and close work colleagues that I was getting married, moving in etc. Only to have to tell them 10 days later that we don’t even speak anymore!

OP posts:
AIC · 21/09/2023 22:27

Watchkeys · 21/09/2023 22:21

Stop writing, stop telling the story in your head, stop trying to work out what's right or wrong.

How is it making you feel, the way she's treating you, in one word?

Worthless
Unimportant
Demeaned

OP posts:
IVFfirsttimer91 · 21/09/2023 22:28

Oh OP, I’m sorry, it sounds like a really distressing horrible situation you’ve found yourself in. Undoubtedly something weird is going on, I suspect a combination of drugs and cheating. Unfortunately she is not the person you thought she is and you deserve a lot more than this. Know your worth and don’t let anyone treat you like this. Even though it will be hard initially to say goodbye to her, it will be harder in the long run to lose yourself to someone like this.

BusyBees1234 · 21/09/2023 22:29

TLDR

Epidote · 21/09/2023 22:40

Leave her, she is playing you.