I recently got back with an ex who I loved more than anybody else I’ve ever loved. Her contact came out of the blue after she cheated on me 18 months ago. She told me it was all emotional cheating and nothing physical until we were over. She told me some of the things she’d done and one of those things angered me as she clearly manipulated me back then.
She told me that she knew I would have trust issues after the last time but surprisingly, they weren’t as prominent as I thought. Things were going well and we went on holiday with her son. Whilst there she showered me with love and asked me to marry her, move in with her and for us to try for a child. I could not have been happier. However things soon changed…
On the penultimate day of the holiday her behaviour towards me changed. She didn’t want to hold my hand as we always did whilst walking…or kiss me. During the day time we came back from a day out and she said the 3 of us would go to the pool. She went upstairs with the bag stating she was going to drop it off and come straight back down. She went missing for 20–30 mins in total. After about 10 mins I checked my phone to make sure everything was OK and could see she was on WhatsApp. I left it at that but then when it got to the 20-30 minute mark her absence was so obvious her son asked me where she’d gone. I picked up my phone and could see she was on WhatsApp again. I said nothing and when she came down she said she decided to grab a quick shower before heading down. This is a woman that has 4 minute showers, even on holiday! I said nothing despite the fact it was a bit strange. She then decides to go to the bar to get drinks where she goes missing again for 10-15 mins (her son sets off to go and find her), claiming that the queue was enormous…it wasn’t. Again I saw her on WhatsApp as I checked to see if she had text me in case she’d forgotten the order. I said nothing and let it pass. That night she didn’t want to kiss me or touch me like we did every night. The next morning she was even worse and was just biting at me for everything. On the flight back she told me that I was too full on and that she wanted to slow things down and so we agreed to date instead of being so serious (I didn’t want to lose her).
Later that day back at her house she has a chat with me and tells me that she won’t love me as much as she loved her ex, she won’t love me as much as I love her and that if we split up she wouldn’t be that affected. So I told her it was over as I can’t feel like second best, unimportant and that there was clearly going to be no commitment meaning that there would probably be someone else on the horizon at some point.
Whilst broken up she goes for a solo walk in the mountains…albeit she couldn’t tell me how she picked where she was going. How long it took her to get there changed. How long she was there changed. I have seen the photos of the scenery but it just seemed strange how she couldn’t tell me how she even knew the walk bearing in mind she said there was no definitive trail. She told me her phone battery was almost dead and she had no maps. I said nothing.
We get back together as she’s had some sort of change of heart and we agree that we are exclusively dating. Everything seemed like normal, she’d call me when she woke up first thing and before she went to bed and she’d text me through the day.
A few days later though and things have started to change again. She’s decided she’s going for a run and has asked that I pick her up from the country park at 8pm. I set off and get there a bit early. As you drive into the park you can see the path but there’s no sign of her. I park up and get out and start to walk along the path…she suddenly appears in front of me having come from some bushes. Her behaviour was bizarre as, for the next 15 minutes she doesn’t stop talking and I mean she doesn’t stop! This is not her. Despite jogging for an hour she’s not remotely out of breath and for a hot day she’s barely sweaty. I stay the night and she decides there’ll be nothing physical (which was very very rare). I kissed her but it was clear she didn’t want me to.
The next day she’s at work and so I understand she’s busy so I leave her to it, replying to messages when I get them. However, she’s not really responding like she used to. Her replies are coming in every couple of hours, however, I can see she’s on WhatsApp many many times during the day (my phone doesn’t beep after damaging it so I have to check it to see if I’ve received replies). That night she tells me she’s going to the gym at work, however, she’s not a member and they are very strict about who uses it (I work for the same company as her so I know). Once again her story changes from what time she went to the gym to how long she’s in the gym. She calls me after she’s finished in the gym and once again she’s not out of breath or sweaty. I’ve worked out with her plenty of times and been at home after she’s been to the gym and she’s always really really sweaty. Again, I say nothing. That night we have our normal bedtime video call but she decides she’s going to sleep an hour earlier than normal. I think nothing of it.
The next morning she doesn’t call and I’m worried she’s slept through her alarm as she had to get her son up for school. I call to try and wake her up but she ignores my call yet I can see her on WhatsApp, repeatedly. She ignores me for the next couple of hours before ringing me to tell me she can’t speak to me on the way to work as she’ll be too busy driving. This being something she has done every day for as long as we were together. She mentions a guy at work who she hasn’t mentioned before and says he was talking to her about her going on a solo holiday. It seemed strange as it was wedged into the conversation and it was somewhere she’d previously and repeatedly told me she didn’t want to go to. The conversation comes to an abrupt halt for some reason but not before she slips up and says she stayed up after saying she was going to sleep the night before. This is strange because she is so regimented, you can set your clock by her! About 10 mins later I need to call her to ask her something before she gets into work. As call her by video call by accident and can see she’s been on WhatsApp. When she answers her phone is in her lap which she never ever does. She is desperate to get me off the phone saying she needs to concentrate on driving yet once I hang up I can see she’s on and off WhatsApp during the drive in. The rest of the day she effectively ignores my messages whilst spending all day on WhatsApp. I say nothing. That night she doesn’t call me at her normal time but calls me 2 hours later, I don’t chase her up but keep checking my phone in the event it’s not ringing now either. Every time I check she’s on WhatsApp. When she calls her opening line is that it will be a quick chat.
The next morning she doesn’t call again but I can see her on WhatsApp. This is bizarre because it’s been our thing that she started. I call her to make sure everything is ok but she ignores my call. She calls me back a few minutes later. She’s decided she’s going into work early. She doesn’t go into work early…ever! We speak for 5 mins on her drive to work and I ask her about this holiday thing again and she now tells me that it was a different bloke that told her. She decides she can’t be bothered speaking to me after 5 mins and hangs up. Once again she’s on her phone all day but just not speaking to me. That night she asks me to come around and she even gives me a quick peck on the lips before she goes to her normal gym. She comes back dripping in sweat but whilst out I have seen she’s been on WhatsApp again. She’s come back as a different woman and is screaming at me. Telling me she doesn’t want to speak to me, listen to me or see me. She tells me, without me saying anything, that she’s so busy at work she doesn’t have time to pick her phone up which is why she hasn’t been texting me. At that point and because it’s clearly a lie, I say that I’m surprised to hear that as I’ve seen her on her phone for the last few days. She kicks me out the house and tells me it’s over.
I’m not bothered about her being on her phone. However, I’d gone from being a priority to being an inconvenience overnight and I am at a loss to understand why. We’d gone from seeing each other every day to seeing each twice in a week. I’d gone from being engaged (wouldn’t have been my choice for her to propose) to being single in a week.
Shes since accused me of ruining the relationship by being insecure.
My friends (1 male, 2 female) are all giving me one answer (especially as much of this behaviour is exactly the same as last time) but I thought I’d see what independent people think.