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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in the wrong?

33 replies

AIC · 21/09/2023 12:31

I recently got back with an ex who I loved more than anybody else I’ve ever loved. Her contact came out of the blue after she cheated on me 18 months ago. She told me it was all emotional cheating and nothing physical until we were over. She told me some of the things she’d done and one of those things angered me as she clearly manipulated me back then.

She told me that she knew I would have trust issues after the last time but surprisingly, they weren’t as prominent as I thought. Things were going well and we went on holiday with her son. Whilst there she showered me with love and asked me to marry her, move in with her and for us to try for a child. I could not have been happier. However things soon changed…

On the penultimate day of the holiday her behaviour towards me changed. She didn’t want to hold my hand as we always did whilst walking…or kiss me. During the day time we came back from a day out and she said the 3 of us would go to the pool. She went upstairs with the bag stating she was going to drop it off and come straight back down. She went missing for 20–30 mins in total. After about 10 mins I checked my phone to make sure everything was OK and could see she was on WhatsApp. I left it at that but then when it got to the 20-30 minute mark her absence was so obvious her son asked me where she’d gone. I picked up my phone and could see she was on WhatsApp again. I said nothing and when she came down she said she decided to grab a quick shower before heading down. This is a woman that has 4 minute showers, even on holiday! I said nothing despite the fact it was a bit strange. She then decides to go to the bar to get drinks where she goes missing again for 10-15 mins (her son sets off to go and find her), claiming that the queue was enormous…it wasn’t. Again I saw her on WhatsApp as I checked to see if she had text me in case she’d forgotten the order. I said nothing and let it pass. That night she didn’t want to kiss me or touch me like we did every night. The next morning she was even worse and was just biting at me for everything. On the flight back she told me that I was too full on and that she wanted to slow things down and so we agreed to date instead of being so serious (I didn’t want to lose her).

Later that day back at her house she has a chat with me and tells me that she won’t love me as much as she loved her ex, she won’t love me as much as I love her and that if we split up she wouldn’t be that affected. So I told her it was over as I can’t feel like second best, unimportant and that there was clearly going to be no commitment meaning that there would probably be someone else on the horizon at some point.

Whilst broken up she goes for a solo walk in the mountains…albeit she couldn’t tell me how she picked where she was going. How long it took her to get there changed. How long she was there changed. I have seen the photos of the scenery but it just seemed strange how she couldn’t tell me how she even knew the walk bearing in mind she said there was no definitive trail. She told me her phone battery was almost dead and she had no maps. I said nothing.

We get back together as she’s had some sort of change of heart and we agree that we are exclusively dating. Everything seemed like normal, she’d call me when she woke up first thing and before she went to bed and she’d text me through the day.

A few days later though and things have started to change again. She’s decided she’s going for a run and has asked that I pick her up from the country park at 8pm. I set off and get there a bit early. As you drive into the park you can see the path but there’s no sign of her. I park up and get out and start to walk along the path…she suddenly appears in front of me having come from some bushes. Her behaviour was bizarre as, for the next 15 minutes she doesn’t stop talking and I mean she doesn’t stop! This is not her. Despite jogging for an hour she’s not remotely out of breath and for a hot day she’s barely sweaty. I stay the night and she decides there’ll be nothing physical (which was very very rare). I kissed her but it was clear she didn’t want me to.

The next day she’s at work and so I understand she’s busy so I leave her to it, replying to messages when I get them. However, she’s not really responding like she used to. Her replies are coming in every couple of hours, however, I can see she’s on WhatsApp many many times during the day (my phone doesn’t beep after damaging it so I have to check it to see if I’ve received replies). That night she tells me she’s going to the gym at work, however, she’s not a member and they are very strict about who uses it (I work for the same company as her so I know). Once again her story changes from what time she went to the gym to how long she’s in the gym. She calls me after she’s finished in the gym and once again she’s not out of breath or sweaty. I’ve worked out with her plenty of times and been at home after she’s been to the gym and she’s always really really sweaty. Again, I say nothing. That night we have our normal bedtime video call but she decides she’s going to sleep an hour earlier than normal. I think nothing of it.

The next morning she doesn’t call and I’m worried she’s slept through her alarm as she had to get her son up for school. I call to try and wake her up but she ignores my call yet I can see her on WhatsApp, repeatedly. She ignores me for the next couple of hours before ringing me to tell me she can’t speak to me on the way to work as she’ll be too busy driving. This being something she has done every day for as long as we were together. She mentions a guy at work who she hasn’t mentioned before and says he was talking to her about her going on a solo holiday. It seemed strange as it was wedged into the conversation and it was somewhere she’d previously and repeatedly told me she didn’t want to go to. The conversation comes to an abrupt halt for some reason but not before she slips up and says she stayed up after saying she was going to sleep the night before. This is strange because she is so regimented, you can set your clock by her! About 10 mins later I need to call her to ask her something before she gets into work. As call her by video call by accident and can see she’s been on WhatsApp. When she answers her phone is in her lap which she never ever does. She is desperate to get me off the phone saying she needs to concentrate on driving yet once I hang up I can see she’s on and off WhatsApp during the drive in. The rest of the day she effectively ignores my messages whilst spending all day on WhatsApp. I say nothing. That night she doesn’t call me at her normal time but calls me 2 hours later, I don’t chase her up but keep checking my phone in the event it’s not ringing now either. Every time I check she’s on WhatsApp. When she calls her opening line is that it will be a quick chat.

The next morning she doesn’t call again but I can see her on WhatsApp. This is bizarre because it’s been our thing that she started. I call her to make sure everything is ok but she ignores my call. She calls me back a few minutes later. She’s decided she’s going into work early. She doesn’t go into work early…ever! We speak for 5 mins on her drive to work and I ask her about this holiday thing again and she now tells me that it was a different bloke that told her. She decides she can’t be bothered speaking to me after 5 mins and hangs up. Once again she’s on her phone all day but just not speaking to me. That night she asks me to come around and she even gives me a quick peck on the lips before she goes to her normal gym. She comes back dripping in sweat but whilst out I have seen she’s been on WhatsApp again. She’s come back as a different woman and is screaming at me. Telling me she doesn’t want to speak to me, listen to me or see me. She tells me, without me saying anything, that she’s so busy at work she doesn’t have time to pick her phone up which is why she hasn’t been texting me. At that point and because it’s clearly a lie, I say that I’m surprised to hear that as I’ve seen her on her phone for the last few days. She kicks me out the house and tells me it’s over.

I’m not bothered about her being on her phone. However, I’d gone from being a priority to being an inconvenience overnight and I am at a loss to understand why. We’d gone from seeing each other every day to seeing each twice in a week. I’d gone from being engaged (wouldn’t have been my choice for her to propose) to being single in a week.

Shes since accused me of ruining the relationship by being insecure.

My friends (1 male, 2 female) are all giving me one answer (especially as much of this behaviour is exactly the same as last time) but I thought I’d see what independent people think.

OP posts:
AIC · 21/09/2023 22:58

Everyone’s comments have really helped. She got into my head saying it was my fault we were splitting up but now I can see it’s not just my friends that think she’s playing me but everyone on here as well. I feel like such a mug for falling for the manipulative lying woman again!

Thank you everyone for helping me see.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 22/09/2023 06:20

Worthless
Unimportant
Demeaned

This is the story to replay over and over in your head. Your life isn't about someone else, and what they do, and why they do it, and how it doesn't make sense, and all the long and drawn out stories about them and their behaviour and how they might be feeling and what makes them do it and why that happens and whether they will do it again and what it means about how they feel about you.... can you see how that's just all a bunch of endless twaddle that you'll never figure out and even if you did, you could never change?

This is what you do, in a healthy relationship: You work out how you feel, you explain it calmly to your partner, your partner does their best to understand, and to find a compromise with you, so that everyone gets what they want, and nobody keeps getting hurt. Then, you both stick to the compromise, because it works, and if it doesn't, you talk again and try something different. If it keeps happening, you leave. And that's it. The answer to 'I don't understand this behaviour that hurts me' isn't to try harder to understand. It's to remove the source of pain, and it's your responsibility to do that. If your feelings aren't being heard or respected, it's not the other person's responsibility to change, it's your responsibility to get away from them.

What was your childhood like? Somewhere along the line, you've been taught that your feelings aren't a priority. Did you have an absent parent? Addict parent? Demanding sibling? Ill parent?

NotAllWhoWanderAreLost · 22/09/2023 06:31

Run for the mountains!

You are only here once OP and she has done enough damage already.

Know your worth, better to be single for a bit and lonely than committing time and energy to a relationship with someone that doesn’t deserve or value you and your own needs.

Whilst you’re wasting your time and energy on her, you are missing out on opportunities to meet a potential partner who will value, respect and appreciate you.

Aprilx · 22/09/2023 06:34

That was way too long and too much minutiae, but I managed to get about half way through. I found your reaction to her taking ten minutes longer to do something really quite disturbing along with your constant monitoring of her.

She has also told you that you are a second best, someone to make do with. So overall, it is clear is that this is an extremely unhealthy relationship and one of you needs to bring it to an end.

ChristmasCrumpet · 22/09/2023 06:48

@AIC

You do know she's with someone else, or is trying to start a relationship with someone else, right? Tell me you've at least worked that bit out.

If someone hides their "relationship" with you, lies to you about where they are, withdraws intimacy, and is on their phone talking to someone else all day, whilst lying to you that they haven't been on their phone....

I mean this kindly, but how much further do you need her to this spell out.

AIC · 22/09/2023 08:14

ChristmasCrumpet · 22/09/2023 06:48

@AIC

You do know she's with someone else, or is trying to start a relationship with someone else, right? Tell me you've at least worked that bit out.

If someone hides their "relationship" with you, lies to you about where they are, withdraws intimacy, and is on their phone talking to someone else all day, whilst lying to you that they haven't been on their phone....

I mean this kindly, but how much further do you need her to this spell out.

I have worked that out. Despite all of her assurances about not hurting me again, marriage, her telling her son I’m moving in, etc, it seems clear to me what she’s doing. I guess that’s why I came on here.

My friends think she’s a narcissist and predicted she’d come back with the sob story about how she didn’t mean to hurt me last time, etc. They told me not to fall for it and told me what would happen if I did and it’s all played out like they predicted. Despite me trying my best to believe she was good. They also predict she’ll be back again with a story to suck me back in. The thing that has become clear is that I can’t keep opening myself up to her because I’m broken hearted again and she moved on overnight.

OP posts:
AsYou82 · 22/09/2023 09:21

Have you spent any time examining you own unhinged borderline stalker behaviour too though? Or have you just written this off as she made you do it all?

FictionalCharacter · 22/09/2023 09:47

AIC · 21/09/2023 22:22

I already think that to be honest. Despite my feelings I’m embarrassed by what’s happened. I was so happy that I told my friends and close work colleagues that I was getting married, moving in etc. Only to have to tell them 10 days later that we don’t even speak anymore!

Your friends will understand. These things happen. And you won’t always feel like this - you’re in shock right now and you’ll feel much calmer when you’ve had time to process all of this.

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