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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner in Amsterdam

48 replies

Champagneponies · 21/09/2023 09:17

My partner is away on a football trip and last night they have spent the night in Amsterdam. I wished him well and to have fun and he's messaged me at midnight and 1am with lovely messages.

I know he's gonna be getting high etc. However one of my work colleagues keeps saying he will have definitely slept with a prostitute last night. 😶

This hasn't crossed my mind before. But she keeps saying that's the only reason they will have been there.

Am I being terrible naive? Or is she mental..

I don't think he would do that

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 21/09/2023 09:29

is your partner a type to sleep with someone else?

just because sex work is legal in Amsterdam does not mean it only exists there. If he was a type of use sex worker's services I am sure there would be few available in your local area

ZolaBudd · 21/09/2023 09:30

Weird thing to think because a colleague said it?

Are they an expert?

cruffinsmuffin · 21/09/2023 09:31

Your work colleague sounds like she's putting her issues and insecurity onto you!

There's so much to do in Amsterdam that isn't prostitution. It's a beautiful city with a great nightlife - people go for the notoriety, the nightlight, the city etc

Is your partner likely to cheat? Believe it or not most people manage to cheat without the need to fly out to Amsterdam to hire someone to do it with.

My DH works in Amsterdam at least once a month, if I had the mind of your colleague I'd be a raving case 😂

Hermittrismegistus · 21/09/2023 09:32

I can't imagine a colleague suggesting such a thing about my DH, I hope you told the person to fuck off.

He'll be having pints and a smoke/ eating space cakes.

overdrawn · 21/09/2023 09:33

Your colleague is being weird. Amsterdam is a beautiful city - I know many people who have been and haven’t slept with prostitutes 😂

Original poster
Champagneponies · 21/09/2023 09:35

He's already messaged me good morning and called to ask how I am. She says it's his guilty conscience trying to cover his actions 😂

Thank you all for reassuring me he's not the problem - she is!

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 21/09/2023 09:36

i think you should tell your colleague to back off, her comments are wrong on so many levels and very offensive to your partner

frozendaisy · 21/09/2023 09:54

What a load of crock.

She was saying that to wind you up for some reason. So small minded.

Baffled1989 · 21/09/2023 09:56

She’s paranoid. Don’t let her insecurities effect your relationship.

Getabloominmoveon · 21/09/2023 10:08

She is a goady idiot. I work in Amsterdam. The red light district is a tiny part of it, normally populated by gawping tourists at the weekend. Frankly he’d have to be seriously idiotic himself to step through one of those doors.

If he is a cheater (hopefully he is not) it would be easier all round to use OLD in the UK!

Dolores87 · 21/09/2023 10:52

I think she is talking nonsense. Plenty of reasons to go to Amsterdam other then the red light district which really isn't very big. It really sounds like some weird projection from her

gannett · 21/09/2023 11:07

Your work colleague has shown you who she is.

In your head, tell her to fuck off. In person, just give her a raised eyebrow and some silence. Keep her at arm's length in the future!

Aikko · 21/09/2023 11:08

Lads night out in Amsterdam after the football.
Strip club, lap dance, followed by a 1am text to the partner. yep.

No one here has any idea what your partner is like and what is true or not.

Sconehenge · 21/09/2023 11:26

I would bet that the most that would have happened is they walked through the red light district as tourists. Which is something you probably would have done yourself had you gone as it’s one of those unique things to see in the world. Your colleague is very weird.

Catsafterme · 21/09/2023 11:38

Unless you have reason to believe that he would do something like that based on his personality or past experiences, I wouldn't worry.

Be wary of those who consistently seed doubt in relationships they have no business weighing in on.

Opentooffers · 21/09/2023 11:45

That shows more about the type of guys she has experience of and how she has a fundamental mistrust of them in general.
But she doesn't know how your man feels and is tarring him with the same brush.
Just ignore her, your fella seems like a good egg.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/09/2023 11:52

She’s nasty 🤢
thats all I can say
just ignore

Chypre · 21/09/2023 11:52

"Coffee shops" (cafes to smoke weed) and the Red Light District itself (sex workers quarters) are in the process of eviction from Central Amsterdam, and working hours are significantly reduced already. So to get reasonably high (not just a vague edible muffin) and get a prostitute without prior booking/deposit, he should be seeeriously determined.

Frances0911 · 21/09/2023 11:55

I would have thought definitely to go and smoke publicly and legally, and get high. But if he wanted to go with a prostitute he can do that at home.

Your colleague sounds nasty and jealous.

Chypre · 21/09/2023 11:55

Posted too soon - he should be seriously determined or you should make a booking yourself, pay a deposit, put it in the calendar and then remind him 😂Don't stress about it too much, your colleague has no clue.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/09/2023 11:55

What a strange comment from your colleague. I love Amsterdam, one of the world’s most beautiful cities. Wouldn’t occur to me to sleep with a prostitute there 🤣
Your colleague needs to expand their horizons and get out more.

StarlightLady · 21/09/2023 11:56

I think your colleague should keep out of your life. There is no evidence for anything they have said.

WhatapityWapiti · 21/09/2023 11:58

It’s really common to visit the red light district as a curious tourist- I’ve done it. It’s not at all common to buy the services of a prostitute when there- most people go, think “yuck” and get on with the usual drinking, dancing and legal highs. Amsterdam is a fascinating, beautiful city and there are so many reasons other than sex tourism to go there. You sound like you trust him. Ignore your childish colleague.

Sweetsweetlike1111 · 21/09/2023 13:19

Champagneponies · 21/09/2023 09:35

He's already messaged me good morning and called to ask how I am. She says it's his guilty conscience trying to cover his actions 😂

Thank you all for reassuring me he's not the problem - she is!

Don't listen to her. I've been a number of times with male family members ranging from 18 to 40 years, and they seem more engrossed in having a cheeky joint or cake, and exploring the museums and sites etc. Yes...the sex workers are noticable but the men seem more surprised or humoured by the blatantness of it all, rather than interesting in engaging in anything like that.

Pinkbonbon · 21/09/2023 13:30

It'll be for the weed surely?
Not to say there won't be some in the group that might consider the women of course.

But a colleague saying these things to you has some serious boundary issues. And usually the sort who would do this are narcissists and similar who like causing people distress. Either that or.someone in their life never allows them to have boundaries of their own. So they think its ok to bulldoze other peoples. Either way, not someone to consult about relationships.

Tbf I could imagine someone tentatively saying 'he's a good'un right? You're not worried he might be up to something?' IF it seemed you might be.

But what's she's done is just try to create drama.

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