I heard exactly the same, from surprising sources, quite shocking really, my own mother said - “ no man is going to take you on now with 3 children” which I found most offensive of all, saying, you should abide and learn to live with the abuse whilst not imagining that a woman can manage without a man.
when ‘husband’ drove off from our large ‘family home’ leaving me to clean, empty garage, sort everything out, I could see in the hall mirror that he was smirking.
No nosey neighbour, ‘friend’ aunty I hadn’t seen for 15 years saw that, did they. Duper’s delight.
We bought our own safe house, managed fine, ate less meat, a no shouting household, blissful.
He then wanted to see his children in our home! dragged me through courts,
said the most horrendous things, brought up instances of my family dynamic,
dirty stuff, after I said we will divorce after two years separation, so that no specific reasons will be given.
I said, my children can see their father whenever they wish - that they didn’t
was his fault not mine.
Control is what he wanted
He stopped work so he didn’t have to pay maintenance, not understanding the
purpose of a Clean Break Settlement.
The most despicable thing he did was stop paying £6 A MONTH life insurance
whilst we were still legally married, saying, well if I die, you lot will get all this money,
with 3 children of school age, all responsibility dissolved, but which is a feature of masculine resentment women should be aware of and prepared for.
Then he wouldn’t sign divorce papers until my solicitor wrote to him directly.
Once the dust has settled I wondered how I ever came to be associated with this
worthless man. The children were ahead of me in this, monosyllabic, sullen, an awful time, spending more time at friends homes, didn’t want to go on holiday,
to grandmas house, pleaded not to let him anywhere near school parents evenings, they were wiser than me, knew earlier on we were pissing into the wind, until, emboldened by my fighting back at last, they began to articulate their feelings, observations, anxieties, conclusions.
Our removal was absolutely child driven, which no outsider would see or comprehend.
Its hard when everyone is telling you what a great guy he is, you made your bed,
on and on…
I finally drove away from that large unhappy house, my precious cargo quiet,
with an overpowering feeling of liberation which has never left me, nor my now grown children with children of their own, in happy respectful partnerships, an
immense relief.
Best wishes all ladies going through it, or out the other side, contemplating.
Take care, have a plan, be safe, harken to your children, as they know.