When does a man 'having fun' become sad?

[autumnalmornings]

A former fling got back in touch with me after 10 years of NC. We had a short bout of carefree fun in our early 20s, but we then fell out and I didn't want anything to do with him.

He is now 34 and now lives in a buzzing city and I was a bit intrigued to know how he turned out. The number was from an unknown number so for some reason he saved my contact details.

At first he was 'normal' and seemed interested to know what I'm doing now. He spoke about his life and family and I thought maybe he was a normal, decent person now. But a few weeks later of periodic messaging, he started to brag about his sex life and how many women he has had sex with, threesomes, sex parties, etc.

I am not interested in that at all. While I have not had many sexual partners, I have been married (where sex became boring and pointless and then fizzled out) so sex is not a big mystical thing to me. When I knew him, I was his first real sexual encounter so he was pretty clueless in that department, but I wasn't insulting or rude about that.

After he started talking about sex I stopped replying, hoping he would go away for another 10 years. I am not good with confrontation so I didn't want the drama, I prefer for things to just disappear.

But he got in touch with me again this weekend and asked how I am. I left it a day, and then sent a short reply. He then came back and said his life is amazing, he has so much money and so much sex.

I am considering blocking but that doesn't seem to do much as he pops up under lots of different numbers (he lives abroad too).

It's not that I feel uncomfortable, I just find it very cringe and pathetic more than anything else.
Or maybe I'm just an old lady. I prefer to be in my PJs with my cat at 7pm with a mug of tea.

Edited, I missed hes in a different country.

Message him saying 'im really not interested in your sex life dude' and if he carries on then block him and keep blocking him

I'd bet everything I own on the fact that he's not had sex in years. All the talk about threesomes etc is fiction.

He's like a fully grown man version of Jay from the Inbetweeners.

Tragic.

Why are you allowing some random from years ago to phone you up and make you feel uncomfortable? You know he’s getting off on it right?

Just block the prick.

Just respond to every message with this image. He will eventually get the hint.

You're not an old lady, unless I'm am old man too but some just don't ever level out and suddenly come to the realization they are washed out years down the line and have an empty life.

That or he's actually a weirdo and none of that is true, which may be the case seen as he insists on getting in touch and bragging.

Either way, I would steer clear. Maybe change your number if it continues.

Absolute bullshit! No way is he having that much sex. He feels insecure so is making it up to brag to you.

I’d have replied with a patronising “good for you” the first time but then started to call him out on it. “Sorry, I’m confused why you think I want to know this” “Nah, bullshit mate! You weren’t that good in bed years ago and your age is against you now”.

I am rude though and don’t care about squashing male egos. I did it by buying micro condoms for a guy who strung me along. He really did have a minuscule dick so wanted to kick him in his tiny masculinity. He never spoke to me again. 😂

He sounds desperate to impress you and/or make you jealous.

That is pretty sad. I'd be tempted to ask him outright why he feels you need to know this when you haven't spoken in a decade.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing Jesus bet that was soul destroying, but fair play. Bet that still lingers too, lol.

Just response to him saying 'gosh this is so boring' and then ignore him.

🤣🤣🤣

Exactly this!!

He’s trying to show off to you and he wants to have sex with you.

It really is so cringey!

I’m all for having fun at any age but when you’re bragging to someone who you’ve not seen in years it’s just embarrassing.

He has exhausted all other old "friends" of tales of his perfect, rich, sexual life, more likely they said "yeah make gotta dash taking Jess to gymnastics" and no one wants to visit him and coo at what a fucking legend he is.

So he's trying old flames so you all know what you missed out on. What is the point in living the dream if no one coos at you for living the dream.

You can piss on his bonfire by just generally being honest.

"God that sounds shallow and exhausting"
"Are you on first name terms with the nurses at the clap clinic then?"
"Sounds sleazy to me but hey each to their own"
"Surely you will get to the point where the age difference whilst perhaps being legal starts to become questionable"
"Not my idea of success"

The more people who are unimpressed and the sleazeballs know they are unimpressed the better.

Is he texting, phoning, messaging you on Facebook etc?

I would literally just ignore him.
Read the message and just not reply.

If it’s a phone call then just put the phone down as soon as he answers.
Its not like you’re going to have to face him.

There are no rules. It's up to him. We can't tell you what you find sad or what anybody else might, but everybody's different.

Block every number he contacts you from. He can't have endless numbers. It'll stop eventually. Don't concern yourself with people you think are sad. They're not your people, and they'll keep doing what they do regardless of you and your opinions.

Old ladies are old. Quiet people are quiet. It's not necessary to conflate the two.

Just ignore him, every time you reply you're encouraging him.

I met an old friend of H's this summer. He had moved around, still going out to party etc etc
Never got round to having a family, he's too old now for a baby, he knows this. He said he has this deep regret that can't be fixed. I think he uses going out as a substitute.

There is a quiet, reserved beauty in just having the calm to expand who you are. It can't be Instagrammed so it's not desirable. Or not deemed to be.

And that's when it's "sad" when your peers have evolved and you are a standalone still trying to convince yourself and anyone who will listen that what you are doing is just better.

Could you reply something like 'glad life is working out for you but I'm not sure we have anything in common (and haven't for years) so I don't see any point in us staying in touch.'
And don't reply any further. Block where you can and delete. I think this is quite weird actually.

It’s not sad that a man in his mid-30s is going out, having sex etc. what is sad is that he’s contacting you out of the blue and force feeding you the information. You will just have to text him and tell him you are uninterested in his life and that he should stop reaching out to you. You are clearly just very different personalities but it doesn’t make one right and the other wrong/sad.

just ask to borrow some money. nothing big... say 50 grand. since he has so much money this shouldn't be a problem

then watch him disappear....

i'm with people placing bets that this guy did not have sex for a long time now

I’m more wondering why you have an issue to be confrontational with a man you haven’t seen in 10 years, who you only have contact by text and is living in a different town/country?

Seriously, there is hating confrontation and being a complete doormat. You managed to tell him to get lost 10 years ago. You can do it now.

Why don't you just get your husband to answer the call/text? Or send the gorilla pic further up this thread.

Excellent idea!

Honestly he sounds like he wants to make you jealous of his exploits that he doesn't have.

The only people who need to brag about money are either those who have none or don't know how to use it properly.

Be very straight up. Don't engage, even challenging or criticising him or calling bullshit. He's clearly an oddball so why get involved and indulge him when it's making you uncomfortable. Sounds like he is looking to get some reaction.

Try something like 'hi Geoff, nice to hear you're keeping well but I am not interested in hearing any more about your sex life. I'm not sure where it came from but I don't want to discuss sex further. Thanks'. Then feel free to block. You do not owe him entertaining this shit. Damn right it's sad casting around for someone to talk dirty at unsolicited.

Just stop replying. He sounds like a right loser.