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Original poster

When does a man 'having fun' become sad?

40 replies

autumnalmornings · 18/09/2023 19:03

A former fling got back in touch with me after 10 years of NC. We had a short bout of carefree fun in our early 20s, but we then fell out and I didn't want anything to do with him.

He is now 34 and now lives in a buzzing city and I was a bit intrigued to know how he turned out. The number was from an unknown number so for some reason he saved my contact details.

At first he was 'normal' and seemed interested to know what I'm doing now. He spoke about his life and family and I thought maybe he was a normal, decent person now. But a few weeks later of periodic messaging, he started to brag about his sex life and how many women he has had sex with, threesomes, sex parties, etc.

I am not interested in that at all. While I have not had many sexual partners, I have been married (where sex became boring and pointless and then fizzled out) so sex is not a big mystical thing to me. When I knew him, I was his first real sexual encounter so he was pretty clueless in that department, but I wasn't insulting or rude about that.

After he started talking about sex I stopped replying, hoping he would go away for another 10 years. I am not good with confrontation so I didn't want the drama, I prefer for things to just disappear.

But he got in touch with me again this weekend and asked how I am. I left it a day, and then sent a short reply. He then came back and said his life is amazing, he has so much money and so much sex.

I am considering blocking but that doesn't seem to do much as he pops up under lots of different numbers (he lives abroad too).

It's not that I feel uncomfortable, I just find it very cringe and pathetic more than anything else.
Or maybe I'm just an old lady. I prefer to be in my PJs with my cat at 7pm with a mug of tea.

OP posts:
dooneyousmugelf · 18/09/2023 20:48

? Why have you not just told him to stop being a creep? Christ.

ComputerBearToad · 18/09/2023 21:04

Agree he's a fantasist/attention seeker/maybe something crazy has happened in his daily life (job loss, relationship breakdown, done something illegal etc)?

The multiple numbers sounds weird and dodgy. At best he's looking for someone to sext behind his partners back! Creepy.

Or he's aiming to hook you in so he can psychologically bully/manipulate you through message.

If he was genuinely rich and successful and popular then he wouldn't be thinking twice about looking to track down someone who is a person from the past from a different time and place (which you are).

Don't get involved - just block or make up an excuse then block.

I think @ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea has the perfect message there - honest. Send it then block everywhere or read and dont reply (and keep it up).

Don't give him any info or opinions or explanations or discuss anything. You're not friends so you don't owe him anything.

GoryBory · 18/09/2023 21:04

itsmyp4rty · 18/09/2023 19:46

Just ignore him, every time you reply you're encouraging him.

I agree.

Thats why he keeps popping up, even though you’ve not seen each other in years as you’re the only one who will listen to his BS and he thinks you’re interested.

callmej · 18/09/2023 21:08

34 is definitely not too old to be 'having fun' if that's what you want to do, male or female. 19 is really too old to brag about it though - and making other people uncomfortable with no doubt fantastical tales of your conquests is not acceptable at any age. Block and ignore.

Onelifeonly · 18/09/2023 21:11

He sounds pathetic regardless. Whatever the truth, he sounds desperate for your attention. Reminds me of the type of sleazy guy who says 'hello darling' to every woman in a bar in the hope one actually agrees to have a drink with him. Just cut him off every time.

Blueeyedmale · 18/09/2023 21:28

He sounds very childish,and very stupid if he thinks that's going to impress, there are no circumstances where I would talk about my sex life to another woman, I very much doubt its true,but if true very disrespectful to the women who he has supposed to have to slept with he sounds like a schoolboy trapped inside a man's body

lookingforMolly · 19/09/2023 00:01

There's nothing wrong with having fun of any kind at any age but it's tragic to boast about it!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/09/2023 08:18

Catsafterme · 18/09/2023 19:27

@BeingATwatItsABingThing Jesus bet that was soul destroying, but fair play. Bet that still lingers too, lol.

Yeah, probably soul destroying but I struggled to care. I was 18 when he started his attentions on me. He was 26 and in a relationship that he told me repeatedly he would end - not a good reflection on me either I know and I’m not proud of it. I said the relationship ends or we are done and he chose their relationship and said to be just friends. He instantly tried to continue as we were before so very much just stringing me along and no intention of breaking it off. To make matters worse, I was a scout at the time and he was a leader so an imbalanced power dynamic too.

Loubelle70 · 19/09/2023 08:21

RunningUpThatBuilding · 18/09/2023 19:09

I'd bet everything I own on the fact that he's not had sex in years. All the talk about threesomes etc is fiction.

He's like a fully grown man version of Jay from the Inbetweeners.

Tragic.

🤣

Catsafterme · 19/09/2023 08:32

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/09/2023 08:18

Yeah, probably soul destroying but I struggled to care. I was 18 when he started his attentions on me. He was 26 and in a relationship that he told me repeatedly he would end - not a good reflection on me either I know and I’m not proud of it. I said the relationship ends or we are done and he chose their relationship and said to be just friends. He instantly tried to continue as we were before so very much just stringing me along and no intention of breaking it off. To make matters worse, I was a scout at the time and he was a leader so an imbalanced power dynamic too.

Show quote history

Ugh, then he totally deserved to be crushed what an arsehole. Least you know he'll always be micro nothing changing that!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/09/2023 11:08

Catsafterme · 19/09/2023 08:32

Ugh, then he totally deserved to be crushed what an arsehole. Least you know he'll always be micro nothing changing that!

Show quote history

Oh yes! Can’t fix that. 😂 He’s married now and I feel sorry for his wife. I’m also worried and my DH does not have the same issue. 😜

Lovemusic82 · 19/09/2023 11:13

From experience.. guys that brag about shagging lots of women do so because they are rubbish in bed, no one wants to go back for a 2nd 3rd go and no one wants a relationship with him because he’s awful in bed? he's probably not that happy at all and probably gets rejected a lot, his way of dealing with it is making out he’s some kind of sex god.

I would block him.

mrsmamoa · 19/09/2023 11:22

dooneyousmugelf · 18/09/2023 20:48

? Why have you not just told him to stop being a creep? Christ.

Exactly. And then block him. And block him again if he pops up elsewhere. Simple.

WandaWonder · 19/09/2023 11:38

Are you enjoying the attention? Is that why you won't block him?

TheThunderer · 19/09/2023 11:50

He is using you for sexual thrills. He gets off on knowing he's making a woman think about him in a sexual context.

THAT'S what's sad.

It's also pretty gross, because you didn't consent to this and you don't actually like it.

It's up to you how long you want to carry on enabling this.

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