Uninvited from friends wedding

[Walkingloads]

One of my closest friends is getting married next year. She sent me the save the date a few months ago and told me my sister and son are invited as well.

Anyways, we were talking the other day on WhatsApp and I asked how she was feeling about the wedding. She told me they’ve decided to cancel the venue and just do registry and restaurant with immediate family only (15 people max.) She said the reason was because they don’t want to spend 15k on a wedding and would rather save the money for something else. She said ‘fuck it’ and ‘gonna be savage.’

Obviously I’m not disputing the fact that it’s their wedding and she has no obligation to spend a lot of money on one day and I understand her wanting to save money. But this kind of contradicts with something she told me months ago, that her partners mum was paying for the venue as they can’t afford it. She never mentioned her partners mum in the recent conversation we had.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Not by her choosing to have a small wedding but by the fact that a) it’s clear she’d already made that decision before telling me and she only brought it up because I asked about the wedding and b) her ‘fuck it’ and ‘gonna be savage’ comments. I am sad that I won’t be there on the day and it just seems a bit ruthless to say these things with no regards to my feelings. I personally would have handled it a bit more delicately and let her know I will miss her on the day etc or would have loved for to be able to come.
Should I assume the friendship is over?

On a technicality you could still attend the wedding, as they're not supposed to be closed events in case someone knows of a "just impediment "...

Your friend is supposed to consult you over the details of her wedding, and consider your feelings about how her wedding should happen before making any decisions?

You need to get over yourself.

It sounds like your friend has made a very sensible decision. She may be disappointed; she might even be privately gutted.

And yet you've managed to make it about you? It would be a pretty elaborate ruse, to cancel your big wedding and make it much smaller just so you can dump a friend.

You must know this isn't about you. Your first thoughts really ought to have been - is my friend OK with this new plan? Can I support her so she can still have a wonderful time?

The only reason for the friendship to be over would be if you’d already shelled out for clothes,travel, presents etc.

She made a sensible decision that is nothing to do with you. How does that merit ending your friendship? Are you normally this melodramatic?

Also, did you check with her before conceiving your baby? Because it sounds as if you think you both need to pre-warn the other before taking individual decisions…

Think you just need to support your friends decisions, can't understand why you are so hurt, it's not as if your getting married to her, very odd.

Hello OP, not sure exactly where these feelings you are having are coming from. I am sure you have your own problems to deal with and do not want to make it worse for you by being judgmental. However, you asked, so here is my five cents. You are taking this too personally, you are making it about you when it is really about your friend. This is her wedding. I am sure that she is more hurt by having to change the plans then you should be. As a friend you should think of her first, not yourself. As for the wedding, I personally could never understand why people have big, expensive weddings. First, you spend so much money you as newly weds can use so much better for so many different things. Second, I always had a feeling that everyone else was having more fun then the bride and groom. So, good for her for making (what I think) totally right decision.

You take care OP.

Why are you making this about you? Yes i understand the disappointment at not being able to attend and would be upset as well but i would personally only be really worried about the friendship if i knew other close friends were invited and i wasn’t. If it really bothers you tell her how you feel about not being able to be there for her special day. I do also think however they could at least stretch to have a small reception that would at least allow close friends as well as family to attend, so that part is baffling.

Cost has probably snowballed realistically 15k is a lot of money but they’d still be way short for big wedding and thought they could make better use of money

This happened to me recently
She cancelled the venue and decided not to have a do at all
Fair enough
But like you I only found out as it was getting close to the date and I asked
She wouldn't have told me otherwise
What pissed me off the was I had arranged child care etc and booked a hotel
Luckily I was able to cancel it with no charge

Grow up for goodness sake. It’s not about You. I would be pleased she’s seen sense and decided not to spend money she doesn’t have on an expensive reception she doesn’t really want. She didn’t change it just to upset You. 🙄

You’re overreacting.