My Best Friend Is Choosing a Boyfriend Over Her Daughter

[DeidreC]

I want MN opinions on a current situation with my best mate since we were young. She’s like a sister to me. I think I might’ve upset her with my strong reaction to a decision she’s made in her personal relationship. She has a ten year old to another man who is not allowed contact with their daughter due to drug related offenses. She had been raising her girl solo from age 2 but with support from siblings. Anyway 18 months ago she meets this guy who in my opinion might be great in bed with her but lacks in other more important areas. Half the time he’s on the dole. She’s fallen in love and moved in with him in another town but he clasheS with her daughter who is actually my goddaughter. My friend has now asked her older sister if she can basically foster her daughter so she can focus on her boyfriend because she’s afraid of losing him because he is increasingly fed up with her daughter.
I had it out with her that this is her flesh and blood and only ten years old. How can she give up her daughter to focus on this man who if he was decent would never make her daughter feel unwanted or want her sent away. She told me they want a baby together. I am so cross with her and sad for my little goddaughter and now think my friend will be offended at me for saying what I said and it could be the end of the 3 decade friendship. I realise it’s her life but she should be prioritising her daughter who doesn’t even have a dad in her life.
Am I wrong for telling her what I think?

Seriously some women don't deserve to be mothers
I call bullshit on her being abused . She's just cock-happy. But that wears off eventually and then the full horror of what this woman has done will smack her straight between the eyes

Yes I find it naively touching that people jump to explain this away by her being abused or controlled

She might be, but Im afraid its less likely than that she just wants to shack up with the new boyfriend and the child gets in the way, parenting is boring and gets in the way, meeting her child's needs rather than hers is boring and gets in the way

That is the reality for a lot of parents, mums and dads Im afraid, why do you think social services are so busy.

Bloody hell, no you are no unreasonable, you must tell her what you think. This was done to a family member of mine and they've never forgotten or forgiven. Your friend has big problems.

I couldn't be friends with someone who did that, and I would be reporting them to SS especially if they go on to have another baby
Who is to say she wouldn't abandon that one as well?....

God i hope they don't have a baby of their own - he will clearly go off it once it starts to be old enough to have it's own opinions and personality.

Just try to be there for you goddaughter as much as you can - if you leave nearby you could try to make a regular weekly plan with her (maybe one overnight each week?) to give her some kind of consistent second home?

Is this actually real cos how on earth can a mother be so vile?

Sadly this is not an uncommon story. My friend is a family solicitor and once told me she’ll never understand women who chose boyfriends over dc but it happens all the time! I find it shocking.

It's unforgiveable and the damage she is doing will never be undone.

It will be better though for her daughter to be away from her, despite the trauma involved. It will be better than growing up with such vile and selfish people. And planning another baby as well?! When she doesn't even care about the child she has. She is clearly not fit to be a mother. Make sure her aunt gets residency with her so that the mother can't try to use her daughter as an emotional crutch when her "relationship" collapses.

I hope there is a special place in hell reserved for the disgusting people who choose partners over their children. There is no excuse.

You have done exactly the right thing.

OP you did the right thing and I really hope this little girl can find some stability with her aunt and with you.

I wish fathers got this level of criticism and disgust for abandoning their children, too.