No to this?

[Popsickletwee]

New relationship and …
he hates condoms.
Both in our forties. First new relationship after long term Relationship ended. He wants to stop using them. I’m worried about sti’s. He is a nice respectful guy otherwise. But opinions please….

Both get tested for stis first.
what about falling pregnant?
He can be nice and respectful and pass anything on and get you pregnant! Don’t let him bully you into something you don’t want.

He doesn’t sound like a keeper, or respectful tbh if he’s willing to put you at risk.

If he won't use them with you he hasn't with his exes .

It's a no from me. Sti test and then a vasectomy for him

Non issue if you’re in an exclusive relationship, surely? STI tests then ditch the condoms.

How long have you been together? When DH (then DP) and I decided to be in an exclusive LTR, we both got tested and stopped using condoms. I had the coil, so contraception was covered.

Post DC, I no longer want to use hormonal BC, so we’re back to condoms again. The responsibility for contraception really shouldn’t be solely on the woman.

What does he suggest using instead? Is he prepared to get an STI check and then have a vasectomy, or does he expect you to sort it all out for him?

Yuck, it would be a no thank you and goodbye from me.

I don't think saying you're not a fan of condoms is in any way a red flag... I'm amazed people are suggesting that.

As some have said, get an sti test and look for alternative methods of contraception. Non issue.

Wake up!
Are you still fertile?
Will he get STI test?
Do you trust him to be faithful to you?

If you agree to his request, can you face the consequences?

And you don't like exposure to potential STIs and an unwanted late pregnancy.

Stalemate.

Condoms are by far the least intrusive birth control and protect against STIs. Until you can be sure of neither of these surely he sucks it up buttercup?

It is kind of a red flag though because it's effectively saying contraception and avoiding pregnancy is the woman's problem to deal with and less of a priority than his sexual gratification.

I'm in my early 40s. Never going on hormonal contraception again and the NHS still won't sterilise me after 8 years of asking. It's condoms or nothing for me.

Why does he hate them?
Majority of men are using completely the wrong size of condoms have you asked if he's checked by undertaking the measurement and calculation?

Sounds odd but by DH said the same thing (I wasn't going back on contraception he's on the wait list for the snip) til we saw something on Stephs packed lunch and it's made a massive difference.

🤣 it's true!!!

9/10 men wear the wrong size though apparently so no wonder a lot of mens response is that they don't like them!

Don't you find it a bit depressing that your husband or men in general don't read the instructions or try to find out why condoms are uncomfortable and consequently you, the woman in the relationship yet again is responsible for the contraception that HE is using?

That level of incompetence and initiative is really unattractive.

I wasn't aware condoms by different companies had different girth sizes though and the way to work that out is very specific (with a formula calculation). Most men and women are aware they come in slim, regular or extra fit but given I didn't have a clue that also related to girth then no. My school was very up on sex education as well and took me to mid 30s to find this out!
So no I don't find it off putting as I don't think many people are aware of it and my husband also watched the segment then worked it out himself 😂

I think most men would rather not wear one, I would prefer not to but you should unless you have other methods in place. I would expect to wear one by default, especially at early stages of a relationship.

I dunno who's not able to find the right sized condoms for themselves either, I know what size and type I prefer. Having said that a lot more choice online than in shops, some online are pretty good and very thin it's close to nothing, although cost more.

@Popsickletwee
Only you need be comfortable with your method of contraception and std protection. Polling will give you information (but really only that which you know already), it won't provide you with comfort. Insist upon that which works for you, your partner then gets to decide if this works for him.