I will try to explain properly but I’m just reeling in shock.
We are in the process of separating and divorcing, he has already moved out. He left boxes of stuff, old clothes in bin bags etc for me to dispose of (that’s typical of him, he still thinks I’m his servant). I shoved them in a cupboard and ignored them, until this week when I started to sort them out to take to the recycling.
Among all the rubbish I found bags of old bank statements and I’ve just spent hours going through them. I’ve discovered that ever since we got married, he has been spending a huge amount of money on credit card payments . I’m talking about £30,000 a year 😡😡😡
To put this in context, we had a good income of about £ 90,000 net between us. I earn about £30,000 and he earns about £60,000. So we are comfortable, can pay the bills, run a car, go abroad each year on holiday, pay a good amount into our pensions etc. I thought the only debt we had was our mortgage, which is nearly paid off.
( These aren’t the exact figures BTW, I’ve just rounded things to make it easier to talk about ).
It turns out he has been lying to me for our whole marriage - in fact he earns £90,000 not £60,000 and has been spending the difference on about a dozen credit cards. I don’t have the card statements, only his bank statements, so I don’t know what he’s spent it on.
He’s always been very secretive about money. I’ve never seen any of his own financial details, we both get our salaries paid into our own accounts and then pay into a joint account which we use for all the bills and we’ve always had enough , so it was never an issue IYSWIM.
And now I know why the bastard has been so secretive. I’m absolutely raging, I can’t get over how much money this is that he’s thrown away.
Im assuming that he’s paying off old debts, as the payments for each card are pretty much identical each month. But I know fuck all about credit cards - I have only one which I hardly every use and if I do I pay it off in full by DD each month. So my payments are different amounts each month.
I just can’t compute that he’s paying roughly the same than I earn each year and the debt doesn’t seem to go away. And he’s been doing this for nearly 20 years !!!
I have no idea how he got into this debt but I can see he had it when we got married.
And I’ve even less idea why he has gone on buying himself new cars every few years and the newest iPhone / MacBook when he has all this debt. It makes zero sense to me.
There’s no point in asking him, he will refuse to discuss it and walk out. Or just lie to my face , like he did about his affair. Even when I had cast iron proof.
He was still swearing on his kids life that she was “ just a colleague “ and telling me that I was paranoid when she had already admitted to me that it had been going on for years.
So we are not exactly on speaking terms before this.
Please help me, I want to kill him 🤬