Found out my mum has been having an affair.....advise please

[sr1986]

Hi,
First apologies if this is a long post......So to cut a long story short I found out at the weekend my mum has been having an affair with a man at her work. They were basically caught by his family in his van on a car park, my mum then panicked came home and told my dad. My dad has kept it to himself for a few months. She said things had ended for my dad to yet find out it was still going on so he felt he had to tell me & my sister as he had no one else to talk to. My mum has now said things have ended with him (the man at work), they are working opposite shifts at work and she want's to make things work with my dad. They have 2 grandchildren and I feel she is only saying things have ended to keep her grandchildren and not my dad and us! My dad has recently gone back to work and he literally is on his phone every 2 seconds checking if she's on whatsapp worrying who she is messaging, she doesn't understand he needs to try and trust her again. We however feel things are still going on with this guy at work and she is lying to us. Me & my sister have said if she's lying and it is, then she's going to loose us all.
Does anyone have any advise for me? I know it's up to my parents to sort out but seeing my dad the way he is, is destroying me!!
He says he can't loose her, and if he does I am worried what he will do and how his health will be impacted.
Sorry if this post is babbling but I just don't know what to do to help!!
Thanks

Yes to this. It’s not your place to punish her, and you would also be punishing your children, who would lose a relationship with their grandmother.

Your father needs to find someone else, uninvolved, to confide in, whether that’s a friend or a counsellor.

I feel at that age parents' marriage is their own business but that said, if either my dad or mum were sleeping around, I'd feel kind of uncomfortable meeting them... I think I still would at least drop the kids off with them though.

Kindly OP, you are not the Moral Police.

It is not your place to be judge and jury and punish your mum with threats of withholding her grandchildren from her which is a despicable thing to do if she's a good grandma.

Her affair is not your business; it's between her and your dad.

My advice would be not to get involved. You don't know the full facts and you likely don't want to know them.

Because it’s really hard to spend time with someone you have discovered lies repeatedly, and has devastated your other parent.

the mother has done this. To get to her age and not see what happens when people cheat.

If you were my child I would politely tell you it is none of your business, there is concern and there is trying to control your parents to fit in with what you have decided for them.

It is wrong and would be wrong if they did this to you

Actually the OP is perfectly entitled to realize that her mother isn’t someone she wants to spend time with. Talk of ‘oh you’re judgemental’, or ‘you’re the morality police’ is really grim and manipulative.
Affairs negatively impact all sorts of relationships, and the mother just has to accept those consequences.

In this case the mother isn’t owed the courtesy of a threat, OP could have just decided and implemented it without even telling her. I would say it’s standard fare for men who cheat- they suddenly realize that their compartmentalised life is all one big mess.

Having said that, I do think OP should take a massive step back, and refuse to talk about it.

If your parents have called the family meeting is it possible they want to sit you down and tell you they are separating?

Really it's between your parents. If your dad wants to stay with her or split up then that's his choice and you decide what your relationship with your mum will look like from that. You can choose to cut her off or you can choose to lay it to rest. But really you do not need to be involved