I’ll try and keep it short (tend to waffle). About 18 months ago, not long after moving in together, I found that DP was messaging other women. This was completely by accident and by chance, he had left his Facebook messages open on the iPad, I’d never used the iPad before and asked for the passcode while he was out one day. Messages weren’t massively inappropriate, but he was telling various women he was single and lonely etc. And exchanging photos (face, nothing dodgy). He had clearly never had the chance to meet any of these women (they were all abroad, quite obviously fake profiles mostly, so just “troll” type accounts and messages). I confronted him, very upset. He knows I was repeatedly cheated on, lied to and gaslit by my ex and how much this affected me and my mental health. At first he maintained he had done nothing wrong, I was overreacting etc. Eventually he was able to see my point of view, said he understood, apologised and said it would never happen again. He was, at the time, also using another chat app (as well as the ones I saw on Facebook), which I never saw the messages on but most of these FB messages asked the girls to move to this other app. He agreed to delete it and it wouldn’t happen again. He had an explanation for it all and it sort of made sense. We got over it, I’ve weirdly not found I’ve had any trust issues since and we’ve been okay.
Well, I don’t use the iPad often but did notice afterwards he had logged out of all Facebook, messages type apps at the time. Today, I get a message request from a female name I don’t know, saying “ask your bf who he is chatting to”. I wasn’t sure what to think, opened the iPad and they are all back, and logged in. I know I shouldn’t have looked but suddenly all these apps were back (presumably after an update or something, or he grew comfortable again as I haven’t used the iPad much in months). This chat app he was using previously was there too (I had no idea he used this app, until I saw him inviting those girls to chat there), but was the only one not logged in. Well, I snooped (I know, I feel awful and I know it’s terrible of me), and it’s happening again. Same stuff, loads of girls, all young and pretty, messaging them asking to move to this other app or WhatsApp to chat. Saying he’s single and lonely, etc.
Do I tell him I’ve snooped? Ask to look at this app? If he says no- well then I know. What if he lets me and it’s innocent? We are over then anyway. He’s not meeting women, it’s probably not even classed as an emotional affair as it’s dozens of chats with women (if the same as last time). I don’t know what it is. I know the excuses he’ll make, but he promised me never again.
I’m struggling at the moment anyway after a family bereavement, and the funeral is this week. What do I do?