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Original poster

Wedding vow renewal

53 replies

1406E · 11/09/2023 19:43

We married 12 years ago and have a happy, strong marriage with no infidelity.

Before we were married we jokingly said we would renew every ten years. Covid stopped anything happening at 10 years.

Africa is our happy place, lucky enough to go annually on safari. We are due to go soon for my 50th and husbands 60th and casually said we could renew our vows in the African bush, just the two of us. Nothing booked but the idea is snow balling.

It had not crossed my mind before but the general assumption seems to be that a renewal means someone has been unfaithful or the marriage has hit the rocks. Is this really what people think? but on a more positive note has anyone renewed their vows abroad, in particular in South Africa.

OP posts:
Daffodil18 · 11/09/2023 19:47

I think that view is only on MN. I never used to think that renewing vows meant being unfaithful before seeing it on here. I think it’s a lovely thing to do.

PaintedEgg · 11/09/2023 19:52

I have never heard something like this - renewal to me was always just a way to celebrate a marriage, a nice thing for the couple to do

Nanny0gg · 11/09/2023 19:52

1406E · 11/09/2023 19:43

We married 12 years ago and have a happy, strong marriage with no infidelity.

Before we were married we jokingly said we would renew every ten years. Covid stopped anything happening at 10 years.

Africa is our happy place, lucky enough to go annually on safari. We are due to go soon for my 50th and husbands 60th and casually said we could renew our vows in the African bush, just the two of us. Nothing booked but the idea is snow balling.

It had not crossed my mind before but the general assumption seems to be that a renewal means someone has been unfaithful or the marriage has hit the rocks. Is this really what people think? but on a more positive note has anyone renewed their vows abroad, in particular in South Africa.

Personally I don't see the point but that's just me

One of my nephews did it with his wife. There was no infidelity, it was definitely because of their feelings towards each other

If you'd like to do it, go for it!

cmcc22 · 11/09/2023 19:57

I've never heard that before. We renewed our vows in my 40th birthday year after 19 years married. No one ever thought it was because of infidelity or marriage problems.😍

Bananasplitlady · 11/09/2023 20:00

If you were a colleague or acquaintance, I definitely would think there had been an affair. I would not pass comment however, I'm not that rude though if you were my best mate I'd probably ask why you were bothering

MidnightOnceMore · 11/09/2023 20:03

I don't think it is all renewals where people say that, just super showy ones. I didn't think that before reading it on here. A private renewal will be very special. Enjoy!

Hmmmbetterchangethis · 11/09/2023 20:05

Your vows are always your vows. Surely they only need ‘renewing’ if they’ve been reneged on.

Can you just do an ‘I love you, we’re still happy’ sort of made up thing if it means that much to you?

I wouldn’t tell anyone though, if it’s just the 2 of you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/09/2023 20:05

No advice on your plans but hopefully you’ll get some.

People on MN are also people who exist off MN and it’s a very common view that people renew vows after someone’s cheated. They’re not likely to say so though if you mention your plans.

My view is that we made our vows, they don’t expire, we live them day to day so why would we need to say them again. I love a party so I’d have a big anniversary do and celebrate your marriage that way.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2023 20:07

Vows are kept or they are broken. Vow renews are just ridiculous in my opinion, and yes, a lot of people assume infidelity or other serious martial strife has occured.

FictionalCharacter · 11/09/2023 20:11

I wouldn’t give a thought to why someone’s doing it.
I don’t see the point though. Marriage vows don’t expire, they’re for life, and if you want a celebration of your marriage there are anniversaries.

Roselilly36 · 11/09/2023 20:11

I have been guests at a renewal, just something they wanted to do to coincide with a special birthday. I have been married for nearly 30yrs, not something that would interest me tbh.

2chocolateoranges · 11/09/2023 20:15

I don’t see the point In renewing vows unless they have been broken.

the few people who I know who have had a vow renewal have been unfaithful.

Buildingthefuture · 11/09/2023 20:18

It had never crossed my mind that vow renewal had anything to do with infidelity, before it was suggested on here!! You do what you want to do, honestly, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? If it makes you happy, do it!

HeadNorth · 11/09/2023 20:22

I don’t understand renewing vows that haven’t been broken. Why not just celebrate your wedding anniversary?

Siddalee · 11/09/2023 20:24

I'd never heard of it being associated with infidelity before reading that on MN.
We renewed our vows on our 25th anniversary -in Vegas so extra minus MN points for tackines! In fact, we had a fake Elvis- so triple minus MN points

It started off a a fun "Vegas" things to do but it became a really special event- we both cried. I was only 22 when we got married so it was a sort of -after all this time, knowing what I know now- I'd still choose you! I loved it!

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 11/09/2023 20:27

It's really not just a MN thing, I immediately assume one of a couple has been unfaithful if they announce a vow renewal, as stated above-why renew unless one of you has broken the vows?

HeddaGarbled · 11/09/2023 20:30

Amongst the people I know, it’s normal to have an anniversary party especially for the big ones like silver, ruby etc.

The only people I know who’ve done the vow thing have been where the woman’s a bit of an attention seeker and wants to wear a bridal-type dress, or where there’s been serious problems in the marriage.

beenwhereyouare · 11/09/2023 20:48

To me, a vow renewal says that I'm still married because I want to be, that I would choose DH all over again. I would never have assumed infidelity.

I wanted to do this with friends and family for our 25th. Instead, we went to St. Croix and did it privately on the beach, with a new ring.

LadyGeorginaSmythe · 11/09/2023 21:09

If I hear of a vow renewal, I'm wondering who cheated. Same as joint Facebook accounts.
I don't see the point of renewals. Just have a special anniversary holiday and a nice dinner!

DH and I always planned to return to our wedding venue for a holiday for our 10th anniversary but we couldn't afford it with the kids and it's now closed down. I have, however, identified a nearby holiday resort so we can visit with the children and show them some of the wedding photo locations. That would be more special to me than any vow renewal.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/09/2023 21:16

I think a private thing in Africa, which sounds lovely, is entirely different to a big reproduction of your wedding day. I'd be more inclined to think you were renewing that which had been broken in the latter scenario.

MummyDummyNow · 11/09/2023 21:41

Had a discussion about this very topic last week with friends and we all thought vow renewals meant the original vows have been broken (affair) so a renewal was in order.

No one would ever say this to your face but it's what I think most people think.

cmcc22 · 11/09/2023 21:41

Siddalee · 11/09/2023 20:24

I'd never heard of it being associated with infidelity before reading that on MN.
We renewed our vows on our 25th anniversary -in Vegas so extra minus MN points for tackines! In fact, we had a fake Elvis- so triple minus MN points

It started off a a fun "Vegas" things to do but it became a really special event- we both cried. I was only 22 when we got married so it was a sort of -after all this time, knowing what I know now- I'd still choose you! I loved it!

We did too! Hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

aurynne · 11/09/2023 21:41

In your marriage you do whatever you want, and if it makes you happy good on you!

However, if you share it with others, they will have their opinion. A marriage is an "eternal vow". Why would it need renewing unless the vow has already been broken?

PaintedEgg · 11/09/2023 22:06

after reading comments here - i wouldn't worry about opinions of other people. I think it takes a special kind of miserable sod to see people celebrating decades of their love and having fun and immediately assume infidelity. these are probably the same sorry folks who obsessively follow social media of their friends and assume rocky relationships if they see happy selfies from holidays

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/09/2023 22:14

I just get the idea that anything is just a thing on MN.

People post on here the same things they discuss with their actual friends and families. The only people I know who’ve renewed their vows one of them has cheated. One had an affair, he stayed with her, and they had a full big fat white wedding and told people it was so the kids could be pageboys.

A completely different thing to what OP is planning which is private and not a showy public statement with a weird justification everyone could see through.