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Original poster

Wedding vow renewal

53 replies

1406E · 11/09/2023 19:43

We married 12 years ago and have a happy, strong marriage with no infidelity.

Before we were married we jokingly said we would renew every ten years. Covid stopped anything happening at 10 years.

Africa is our happy place, lucky enough to go annually on safari. We are due to go soon for my 50th and husbands 60th and casually said we could renew our vows in the African bush, just the two of us. Nothing booked but the idea is snow balling.

It had not crossed my mind before but the general assumption seems to be that a renewal means someone has been unfaithful or the marriage has hit the rocks. Is this really what people think? but on a more positive note has anyone renewed their vows abroad, in particular in South Africa.

OP posts:
Summerslimtime · 11/09/2023 22:20

It definitely signals to me that vows have been broken. Usually infidelity or the dh being an arse in some way. Just celebrate your anniversary.

Mollymalone123 · 11/09/2023 22:26

Been to two-both after infidelity so I’m in the camp of if you have been faithful you don’t need to renew your vows as you stuck to them 😂 just have a big anniversary celebration or maybe a blessing?

jkkdiehab · 11/09/2023 22:34

I like the idea of a vow renewal but just in private the 2 of us, no guests. DH and I were young when we married and the wedding was a blur, not really what suited us. I would love to say them again with a little more meaning, my DH isn't the soppy type though and would feel uncomfortable I think, I asked to do a drive thru Elvis renewal in Vegas but alas that didn't appeal Grin

TheaBrandt · 11/09/2023 22:41

Never really understood it seems rather pointless but if it makes you happy. I would also assume someone had been unfaithful sorry.

Onthemaintrunkline · 12/09/2023 04:45

I’m also in the ‘what’s the point’ camp. We exchanged vows many many years ago, I’m wondering if renewing them again dilutes the specialness of hearing those vows made that very first time? But, if a renewal floats your boat go for it.

exclusion · 12/09/2023 04:49

I'm not sure what the point of renewing them is.

I'm sorry but it seems a bit tacky to me!

Heyhoherewegoagain · 12/09/2023 04:58

I’m not sure I get the point of “renewing vows” if they’ve not been broken, maybe reaffirming is a better way to view it

WandaWonder · 12/09/2023 05:22

Its only since being on here I thought affair, not something I ever thought was needed and have no interest in it personally but something for a couple to do personally up them to them of course.

If a need to do it in public I do think why? who are they trying to convince? first time makes it legal so I get that (yes unless it is one of those 3 wedding ceremonies because one is not enough but normally first is legal)

DisforDarkChocolate · 12/09/2023 06:05

I've only heard this on MN.

I think your plan sounds lovely. I'm tempted to have a vow renewal when we hit 25 years. Just us and the children and afternoon tea. Having said that maybe just the afternoon tea and lots of champagne.

Spirallingdownwards · 12/09/2023 06:09

When it is after a long time such as 40 or 50 years then it's a symbol of their long lasting relationship. Any short relationship eg 12 years then I would assume affair but as someone else said not ask! I also would assume affair because Mumsnet has told me this is why there would be a renewal!

fairyfluf · 12/09/2023 06:16

If I am honest then yes I assume something has happened. It might be an affair or it might be something else, a rocky patch, a near death experience, illness.

fairyfluf · 12/09/2023 06:19

I mean if its just the two of you and you want to do it then no one is even going to know so you might as well

hylian · 12/09/2023 06:22

I don't really understand vow renewals. When I took my wedding vows I took them for life - that's what a vow means to me - it doesn't need to be 'renewed', ever.

I would be all in for a celebration of our love/ marriage though, and reminding each other of our promises. I'd probably just do it as an anniversary celebration rather than a vow renewal.

mindutopia · 12/09/2023 09:48

I've never known anyone in real life to do a vow renewal. But yes, I would assume that it was do to re-committing to the relationship after a rocky patch and wanting to start fresh.

I do know someone who has been 'married' 3 times now (to the same man). None of them are legal marriages as he won't marry her. But she keeps having these 'weddings' every few years with a white dress and vows and a cake and reception and dancing to show their 'commitment' to each other. It became a bit of a joke after awhile. She's a lovely person, but I think it's a testament to how insecure she is in her relationship because he won't legally marry her, so going through the performance of it makes her feel more secure again, temporarily.

But if you want to celebrate your marriage buy 'renewing your vows' or doing some sort of private commitment ceremony, I think that's fine. It gets a bit dodgy I think when you invite people - as you already committed to each other once in front of everyone, you shouldn't need to do it again unless somehow the commitment has been broken. But if it's just a private thing, why not? You can call it whatever you want. You don't need anyone to officiate either. Just do it with each other and have a special dinner or something after.

getamoneon · 12/09/2023 09:52

I know 3 couples who renewed their vows. 2 were following infidelity, the 3rd just loves a party and wanted to dress up again in a wedding like dress

TheaBrandt · 12/09/2023 11:46

Don’t need a cow renewal for that group of us did that a few years ago all came in our wedding dresses had wedding food. Was v fun! Women only men were mortified!

Heyhoherewegoagain · 12/09/2023 13:32

TheaBrandt · 12/09/2023 11:46

Don’t need a cow renewal for that group of us did that a few years ago all came in our wedding dresses had wedding food. Was v fun! Women only men were mortified!

Love the sound of this 😂

BeeBelle16 · 12/09/2023 13:35

People always say "I've never heard people say this in real life..." people DO say it just not to the couple in question
And to say its only said on mumsnet- it's an anon forum people say things here they may not say in real life,

Do what makes you happy op but yes I would be thinking "why" and assume the vow was broken as they don't have an expiry date!

Appleofmyeye2023 · 12/09/2023 13:38

I’ve always associated it with folks who didn’t have their original marriage day how they wanted. Either cos never had the money to have big celebration or a wedding on the beech abroad, or becuase one of them was ill or even pregnant. Sometimes I’ve heard it was cos the bride didn’t get to wear white for whatever reason. Sometimes becuase one party was divorced and couldn’t have the church wedding they wanted (back then)

you do you. It’s no one else’s business.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 12/09/2023 13:59

I would always assume infidelity. But by all means do what you want, it's not for anyone else to judge or even care. Have a trip to Africa if that's what you want.

We meant our vows when we made them well over 30 years ago and haven't felt the need to renew them. We live them every day.

PaintedEgg · 12/09/2023 14:05

looking at the tenure written down in some of the comments - could it be an age thing? like older folks are more likely to assume infidelity, while younger ones see it more as an occasion to repeat a great celebration?

i would definitely love a Las Vegan renewal for 10th or 20th anniversary!

BeeBelle16 · 12/09/2023 14:17

PaintedEgg · 12/09/2023 14:05

looking at the tenure written down in some of the comments - could it be an age thing? like older folks are more likely to assume infidelity, while younger ones see it more as an occasion to repeat a great celebration?

i would definitely love a Las Vegan renewal for 10th or 20th anniversary!

Hmm I'm 33 and been married 10 years this year and know a few of my friends have said the same thing so may be an opinion that isn't related much to age

VeridicalVagabond · 12/09/2023 14:18

I've never really got vow renewal, the original vows are "until death do us part" not "until we fancy another party", but if it makes you happy absolutely go for it. Sod it if anyone thinks there's been infidelity, none of their business anyway!

PaintedEgg · 12/09/2023 14:19

@BeeBelle16 fair enough, i was just curious

it just baffles me people would even go down this round when thinking about renewing vows...but then again i think a lot of people are just killjoys and dont believe in having any sort of fun unless there is some dark secret behind it

mycoffeecup · 12/09/2023 14:19

Have to say I assume that a renewal means they have been through a very rocky patch which may have assumed infidelity. Otherwise it's just attention seeking IMO if you do it with guests etc. If just the two of you, just talk to each other!