Something doesn't feel right about new bf

[NotNowGertrude]

Been seeing someone for a few weeks, amazing chemistry, very attractive, very calm & good at reassuring me but something doesn't feel right. I can't explain it any more than that, I don't know what it is. Not sure what to do other than end it but seems a bit daft when it's just a funny feeling. Anyone experienced anything similar?

Trust your instincts and leave.

You can't always explain why exactly you feel a certain way however I personally 100% trust my own instincts based on past experiences. Some family/friends have been shocked at my reaction to some people but I've ALWAYS been proven right in the end!

The comment about good at reassuring you is interesting. Are you generally insecure? I ask because if there's nothing specific about him that's making you uncomfortable, is the uncertainty coming from you? Are you in a place where you can be comfortable in a relationship or are you hanging on to some personal issues?

good at reassuring me

What does this look like? After dating a few weeks I would fine it odd that he wants to reassure.

However, trust your instincts always. Have you heard of or read "the gift of fear"?

You can end a relationship at anytime especially early days. No reason needed just it's not working for you.

As long as you don't have a pattern of feeling this way with partners, I'd just leave.

My gut instinct has never been wrong. Our brains are so clever that they see things and make decisions without us realizing why but as a way to maintain our safety

Trust your instincts, OP.

What is he reassuring you about?

Hmm I felt a very powerful magnetic connection to a partner. At first I couldn't believe how great it all felt and how "close" we were. It felt like I understood what it was all about at last. I was 31.

He turned out to be a deceitful selfish person who had alot of drama abs who made real shitty choices. He knew how to sell himself. But you can't truly hide your real self forever.

Is there things that don't sit right in what he says/does?

In my case he was very deceitful regarding what he was doing amd who he was. he made sure to go that extra mile to explain why he hated cheats, liars, users and selfish people. He wanted me to believe he was a very different person. He told me all the wonderful stuff. He'd never fancied anyone like he did me. Sex with me was the best. I was the person he'd got feelings for he had never once experienced. It was only with time I realised a million hidden things within him. He was a compulsive liar.

What is making you feel off ?

This is when you slam on the brakes and walk away. Millions of women wish they had listened to this inner voice, but instead they ignored it. Don't ignore it.

I agree with pps - what's he "reassuring" you about? Is it you or him starting these conversations?

If you're asking him stuff and he's just replying to your questions, then OK maybe you need to chill. What's your relationship pattern been before?

If it's him telling you little things about himself, be careful.

If you've been seeing each other for only a few weeks, and you're looking for a steady boyfriend, I imagine healthy communication should be "Ok, what restaurant shall we go to on Saturday" kind of thing, not analysing things.

I think there's a statement on the dating thread saying the little things you overlook at the start blow up later on...Is there ANYTHING that looks small but makes you feel a bit "hmmm"?

Why do you need reassuring?
Just walk away now

Weird that you feel the chemistry is great yet at the same time your gut is telling you something is off.

why do you need reassurance about anything since you’ve only just met him?

Yes, I've been there. Couldn't quite pinpoint what it was so I stayed, putting it down to my own insecurities. Turns out he was married.

I still don't know how my gut feeling was picking up on this so early on. But I do know not to ignore it now.

For the record, I dumped him when I found out. Then went home and burst into tears.

It does make you more cautious in the future. And rightly so. You don't feel like you need reassurance and you don't go looking for it when nothing feels off about them.

Why continue a relationship with someone you have an uneasy feeling about?

Even if you're wrong and/over sensitive, there's absolutely no need to spend time with someone unless you enjoy it and feel you can be yourself.

Yes - this. He might be reassuring you (about whatever) but on the other hand he could simply be telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

What would be a 'good' reason to end a relationship, @NotNowGertrude ?

I guess if something happened which made it clear he either wasn't treating me right or didn't have good intentions. That said I'm not great at reading people

So you think he has to be somehow 'at fault', in order to be not right for you?

Logic would then dictate that you feel yourself to be compatible with all nice/good men, wouldn't it? That there can't be incompatibility unless he does something that is objectively 'wrong'?

"That said I'm not great at reading people"

Yes, yes you are. That's why you're getting a feeling about this guy. Something inside you is subconsciously picking up on something about him.

If you wasn't good at reading people you wouldn't be asking questions on here - you'd either be oblivious or the vibes you were getting would be good ones that you wouldn't be questioning.

What's the point of dating if you aren't going to listen to your instincts?

Yes, I'd agree with this. There's no problem with your reading of people, OP. There is a problem with you respecting your own feelings.

There is only one reason to end a relationship, and that reason is "I don't want to be in this relationship"

Someone giving you the wrong vibes seems like a very good reason not to want to be in a relationship with them. Trust your gut.

I think the reason behind the need to reassure you would give an idea if your instincts are on point. Is he reassuring you without you ever giving off the need for reassurance or is he trying to meet a need you’re instigating?

There’s no such thing as gut or instinct.

It’s your subconscious recognising a behavioural pattern it’s seen before.

Dump him.

do you have a history of difficult relationships OP?

I do

Another vote for trusting your instincts. Humans like animals read body language, micro expressions, voice tone. You are subconsciously picking up on something being off. Even if it is a minor thing, why would you want to be with someone you don't feel totally comfortable around?